HAQIM: "Says you. Phbbbt!"
TREMERE: "Oh, yeah? Thaumaturgy 10, Lure of Flames! I blow up Asia!"
HAQIM: "Celerity 10. I dodge. I'm now standing in the middle of the ocean."
TREMERE: "Thaumaturgy 10, Neptune's Might. I boil the oceans."
HAQIM: "Obfuscate 10. What ocean?"
TREMERE: "Thaumaturgy 10, Movement of the Mind. I hit the remaining
ocean
with the moon."
LASOMBRA: "Tag in! Obtenebration 9. What moon?"
TREMERE: "Auspex 10. *That* moon."
LASOMBRA: "Tag out!"
HAQIM: "Oh crap. Umm... Quietus 10."
TREMERE: "Here comes the big ball of rock, baby!"
[HAQIM is squished]
BRUJAH: "Didn't Haqim just activate Quietus 10?"
NOSFERATU: "And it was a surprisingly quiet squishing. Stupid discipline."
TREMERE: "Lasombra..."
LASOMBRA: "Tag, um, Tzimisce!"
TZIMISCE: "Vicissitude 10. Try that moon trick now, spellboy."
TREMERE: "Tag Ventrue!"
VENTRUE: "Dominate 10. Who's your daddy?"
TZIMISCE: "You're my daddy."
LASOMBRA: "Tag in! Potence 10. Feel the pain!"
VENTRUE: "Fortitude 10! What pain?"
LASOMBRA: "Obtenebration 10! I hope you like small, dark, places."
VENTRUE: "Fuck."
[VENTRUE vanishes]
LASOMBRA: "I have ALWAYS wanted to do that."
TZIMISCE: "Vicissitude 10. Lasombra, you're now a small ball of cheese."
SMALL BALL OF CHEESE: "WHY?"
TZIMISCE: "Ventrue still calls the shots. Read Dominate 10."
SMALL BALL OF CHEESE: "Damn, he's right."
TZIMISCE: "Animalism 10. Horde of cheese-eating mice."
SMALL BALL OF CHEESE: "Obtenebration 10. I am a shadow of a small
ball of
cheese."
TZIMISCE: "Tag Tremere!"
TREMERE: "Thaumaturgy 10, Lure of Flames. Shadow of fondue, you mean."
SMALL BALL OF CHEESE: *fwoosh*
NOSFERATU: "Animalism 10. They're MY horde of mice."
TZIMISCE: "Animalism 10. Mine."
NOSFERATU: "Mine!"
TZIMISCE: "Gimme!"
BRUJAH: "Celerity 10 AND Potence 10. I crush Tzimisce and Nosferatu
while
they're still arguing about the mice."
NOSFERATU: "Urk." [dies]
TZIMISCE: "Urk." [reforms] "Love that Vicissitude 10."
BRUJAH: "Oh, dearie."
TZIMISCE: "Now the mice are MINE!"
[MASKED AVENGER #1 appears from nowhere]
MASKED AVENGER #1: "All of you shall die for consorting with our enemies!
Or, in some cases, actually being our enemies."
ENNOIA: "Who the heck are *you*?"
MASKED AVENGER #1: "Oh, sorry. I'm early."
[MASKED AVENGER #1 vanishes]
TZIMISCE: "Not even the first Masked Avenger, whoever he was, can stop me!"
ARIKEL: "Auspex 10. What *can* stop someone with Vicissitude 10?
Oh,
diablerie."
TREMERE: "Thaumaturgy something or other. I weaken Arikel a generation."
ARIKEL: "You just made that up!"
TREMERE: "Trust me, you'll like it."
BRUJAH: "Potence 10. I expend a barrage of fisticuffs upon Tzimisce."
TZIMISCE: "Vicissitude 10. I can ignore them."
ENNOIA: "Animalism 10. My mice."
TZIMISCE: "Mine!"
TREMERE: "Quick, Arikel! Diablerize Tzimisce while he's distracted!"
AUGUSTUS: "Necromancy 10, Bone Path! The dead have risen- and
they're
voting Republican!"
TREMERE: "Don't you guys *ever* stop worrying about temporal power?"
AUGUSTUS: "Umm. No."
MALKAV: "Dementation 10! Everyone goes absolutely crazy!"
[there is a pause]
[the pause lengthens]
BRUJAH: "You feel any different, Ennoia?"
ENNOIA: "Nope. You?"
BRUJAH: "Nope. Tremere?"
TREMERE: "Nope."
AUGUSTUS: "Me neither."
BRUJAH: "Nobody asked you."
MALKAV: "Well, THAT was a non-starter."
TZIMISCE: "Well, I *gurgle*..."
ARIKEL (dropping diablerized corpse of Tzimisce): "*I* sure feel different!"
ENNOIA: "Well, that settles it. My mice."
ARIKEL: "I now have Animalism 10. Mine!"
MALKAV: "CATFIGHT!"
BRUJAH: "Mousefight, actually."
AUGUSTUS: "How droll."
TREMERE: "Thaumaturgy 10, Hands of Destruction. I kill the freakin'
mice,
already."
ARIKEL: "Waaahhh!"
AUGUSTUS: "Zombie mice!"
ENNOIA: "Bastards."
[MASKED AVENGERS #1, #2, and #3 appear]
MASKED AVENGER #2: "Prepare to meet final death at the hands of the
Masked
Avengers!"
MASKED AVENGER #3: "Especially you, Tremere!"
MASKED AVENGER #2: "No, especially *you*, Augustus!"
MASKED AVENGER #3: "Tremere!"
MASKED AVENGER #2: "Augustus!"
ENNOIA: "Who *are* you guys, anyway?"
MASKED AVENGER #3: "It's a secret. That's why we're wearing masks."
BRUJAH: "Speaking of which, why does your mask have three eyeholes?"
MASKED AVENGER #3: "To be distinctive."
BRUJAH: "Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of wearing a mask?"
MASKED AVENGER #1: "You always were a smartass."
BRUJAH: "Potence 10. I punch the first Masked Avenger."
MASKED AVENGER #1: "Ow." [dies]
MASKED AVENGER #2: "We other Masked Avengers are not so easily thwarted!
We shall have our revenge! Especially on you, Augustus!"
MASKED AVENGER #3: "Tremere!"
MASKED AVENGER #2: "Augustus!"
AUGUSTUS: "Can we get rid of these guys?"
TREMERE: "Sure you take care of the guy with the three eyeholes in his
mask, and I'll take the guy who says he's my archenemy."
MASKED AVENGER #3: "I, with the three eyes, am your archenemy, Tremere."
TREMERE: "Whatever."
AUGUSTUS: "Potence 10. I crush the guy with the three eyes."
MASKED AVENGER #3: "Fortitude 10. I soak."
TREMERE: "Thaumaturgy 10, Lure of Flames. I obliterate Masked Avenger #2."
MASKED AVENGER #2: "Fortitude 10. I soak."
BRUJAH: "Like the guest that won't leave, aren't they?"
AUGUSTUS: "I can handle this. Necromancy 10, Ash Path. I
summon the
spirits of those who have died tragically."
SPIRITS OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED TRAGICALLY: "We are here."
AUGUSTUS: "Explain your tragedies to the Masked Avengers."
[The SPIRITS OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED TRAGICALLY do so]
MASKED AVENGER #3: "Oh, the Angst! I cannot *bear* it!"
[MASKED AVENGER #3 commits suicide]
MASKED AVENGER #2: "How fascinating. I wish to learn more."
AUGUSTUS: "Spirits of those who have died tragically, return to the
Shadowlands."
[The SPIRITS OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED TRAGICALLY do so]
MASKED AVENGER #2: "I must follow them to learn more."
[MASKED AVENGER #2 commits suicide]
ARIKEL: "Well, *that* took forever. But now it's done. Now what?"
TREMERE: "Auspex 10 and Thaumaturgy 10, Lure of Flames. I incinerate
Set
in that corner he's been hiding."
[SET turns to ashes]
AUGUSTUS: "Letting everyone else do the fighting and taking out the
winners? I am shocked, SHOCKED."
BRUJAH: "Shocked that you didn't think of it first."
AUGUSTUS: "And I *deeply* deplore that."
[MASKED AVENGER #1 appears]
MASKED AVENGER #1: "Prepare to meet final death at the hands of the
Masked
Avenger!"
BRUJAH: "You ever have the feeling of deja vu?"
MASKED AVENGER #1: "Constantly."
ENNOIA: "Enough of this. Protean 10. Welcome to the sun, boys!"
TREMERE: "Hah! Thaumaturgy 10, Invulnerable Weakness!"
[MASKED AVENGER #1 goes *fwoosh*]
[BRUJAH goes *fwoosh*]
[MALKAV goes *fwoosh*]
[ARIKEL goes *fwoosh*]
AUGUSTUS: "Hah! You've played perfectly into my master plan! No, wait."
[AUGUSTUS goes *fwoosh*]
TREMERE: "Thaumaturgy 10, Neptune's Might. I extinguish Ennoia."
[ENNOIA goes *fwoosh*]
TREMERE: "Woo hoo, I won!"
RAVNOS: "Forgot me."
TREMERE: "You? Where the heck have you been?"
RAVNOS: "Keeping a low profile."
TREMERE: "And you didn't burn up in the sun?"
RAVNOS: "Fortitude 10, baby. And I'll thank you not to kill off my mice."
TREMERE: "PREPARE TO DIE!"
RAVNOS: "Not so fast! Chimeristry 10!"
TREMERE: "Chimeristry 10? You mean..."
RAVNOS: "Yup. ''Reality.'' I'll turn us all into a roleplaying game."
TREMERE: "You wouldn't!"
RAVNOS: "I just did."
TREMERE: "NOOOOOOOO!!!"
[RAVNOS, TREMERE, and the corpses of the other antediluvians are replaced
by a series of hardback and paperback game supplements]
THE END
---
David Vacca | vacca@intr.net
| http://www.intr.net/vacca/
"And malt does more than Milton can/ to justify God's ways to
man"
- A.E. Housman, "Terence, This Is Stupid Stuff"