Beginning the Debriefing

Writing in english a bit less eloquent these days (need more adjustment time perhaps). Many thoughts - look forward to discussing with you all!

My service this semester, mostly carried out during my Independent Study Period at the parish in Merlo (hour outside of main Buenos Aires), did help in making me a part of the community. After arriving to this parish nervous and unsure of how I would contribute, I felt much better when Mary, my supervisor of sorts, immediately set me to work (“Colleen, ayuda con las cajas (help with the boxes)”). As I helped another volunteer Laura transfer these containers of clothes donations, my feelings of unease were temporarily allayed – lost in the focus of the manual labor. It is true that this volunteering (doling out food for the soup kitchen lunch, stacking chairs, sweeping the outdoor kitchen) allowed me a ground-level observatory stance and deepened my understanding of the parish’s operations. Though I tried my hardest and was able to make small contributions, on looking back I question whether my work had lasting value. I know that I could have been more effective had I volunteered in Durham during these months (for example, continued my work at the Durham Crisis Response Center where I already know the organization’s rhythms and rules as opposed to losing precious time in observation and learning).

I think of questions similar to those of Lissett. Why was such a huge investment placed in us? If given directly to any of the needy communities I visited, the money used to pay for my travels, food, stay could have gone much further tangibly. The question remains what the intangible benefits are of exposing idealistic American students to the realities of another world.

The above addresses one of my lingering questions – what is the draw in doing service abroad, when often (at least initially) one cannot be as effective as in their usual environment? Is it the pull of foreign work being exotic and sexy? I’d like to think that in stepping out of our comfort zones and being broken down/required to rebuild our value frameworks, we ultimately return to our homes able to more innovatively contribute to original positions.

Another important topic for me over these months: powerlessness. For much of my time abroad, I felt almost paralyzed in the face of the countless tragic circumstances we studied. I see such a contrast between my mindset in Argentina and my mindset the summer of 2005 when I interned with Citizens Against Spouse Abuse (CASA) in South Carolina. In both instances, I passionately attempted to make sense of and work with human rights abuses. The difference is that with CASA, I learned tools for addressing the abusive situations (was able to counsel clients, fill out orders of protection, accompany to court) and thus felt empowered and generally optimistic about hope for breaking the cycle. I ended the summer filled with activist energy and an incredible desire to further delve into this sort of work. In Argentina, our focus was more on acquiring a cursory overview of many ways of life than on learning tools for change. While I didn’t enter expecting to create major change, without ways to give back I was left overwhelmed, frustrated, and disheartened. I realized the power present in one serving. During my South Carolina time, I didn’t think about the power that I held in possessing the ability to stamp an order of protection, for example. Feeling without power is an education. I feel that I can better understand the positions of those experiencing oppression...

I think that I am looking forward to returning to Duke. While always glad about the prospect of seeing peers, at times I have felt anxious about leaving ‘the real world’ and the chance to focus exclusively on problems more important than assignments and grades. While I think it may be hard to be around people who get caught up in superficial concerns (I do this too – we all do), I am excited to once again have a strong support network. On the flip side I am worried about having less of the pure thoughts that arose as a result of so much time on my own. Making time to reflect alone will be a priority. I am looking forward to the conversations and opportunities to debrief, as right now by myself I can hardly begin to process all that I’ve seen and experienced. Finally and perhaps counter intuitively, my time away has nurtured in me a strong desire to jump into our local Durham community.

-Colleen Jeske, December 2006