Thoughts from Buenos Aires

Given the traveling nature of my program (we just returned from our second and final big trip), I am still waiting to begin my regular service placement. I’m looking forward to crafting my new schedule as part of the Independent Study Project, most likely here in bustling Buenos Aires. Just this morning I talked with my mom here about service opportunities available through Caritas (worldwide Catholic social justice organization I worked with in Costa Rica) at the local parish. More on that soon.

Though I can’t write about formal service at this point, I would like to reflect on my thoughts on service while here - especially since not having a service placement has affected me in unforeseen ways. I have struggled with feelings of futility, sometimes to points of desperation, as we continue learning about new human rights abuses without going deeply into specific solutions. Since my mindset when learning of problems is “How can I help fix this?” when I have no answer I am at a loss. Experiences of learning of the pain yet soon driving away to a new community (and without even an idea of how if I remained, I could help) leave me feeling powerless and overwhelmed. After talking with my Argentine director Brenda (a social worker), I realized that at home much of my identity is based on service. When contributing my time to the Durham Crisis Response Center, for example, I feel better about my life and more justified in taking time to relax. Here when I don’t feel that I’m contributing, I don’t allow myself to rest in the same way. Brenda said that the impulse to fix everything is largely American. I am trying to rework my service perspective – make it more realistic and healthy for all (as Brenda also said, if I feel weak myself, won’t be able to help others or myself...). I know that there are many ways to look at service, not all direct – perhaps can think about the effect that learning about these major issues will have on my life and work in the future.

What is helping after all? Another idea brought up by Brenda in all of this: some people use service as a way to ignore their own insecurities. Jarring idea, but I can understand how when one is plugged into a service location perhaps less self-reflection is needed than when one is walking around overwhelmed by (my current examples) indigenous fights to retain land, family abuses, malnutrition, illiteracy, racial discrimination... I don’t want to pacify myself with serving soup for example and therefore miss the larger picture, yet I want to feel useful. All of this relates to a question posed by Scott: What do you think is the most important issue facing those working in your service field?

This question of focus and personal utility is faced by all of the social workers that we have met. There is no simple answer for how to balance larger more global learning with personal work.... some who try end up discouraged, thus contributing to the high burnout rate in this sort of work. The best answer I have now is to try to focus on what I can change. I’m reminded of the Serenity Prayer...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference..

Self care is also crucial, though easier said than done. When I interviewed with a domestic violence office in Bariloche, Argentina last week, I learned of a smart policy in a nearby province: for people who work in this field, after 45 days of work, 5 mental health days of rest are mandated. I’m curious if others in SEE have advice after having struggled with feeling overwhelmed by issues...

Thanks for the patience – will start my service placement (and therefore more substantive reflections) in the next couple weeks. :)

-Colleen Jeske, October 2006