Here's an article that I was going to send out yesterday, but given the lateness of the hour and the amount of work all of you probably have to do these days I thought I'd give you some time to think about the relevant verses first. I know it's kinda long, but even if you don't get a chance to check it out today, I strongly encourage you to look at it when you get a chance, because it brings up some points that are really important to think about.
---------------------------------------------
Loose Lips
Are they sinking your relationships?
by Ramona Cramer Tucker
(check the link below for the online version)
I admit it. I'm a talker. Chances are, if I walk into a room, I'll be the first to say hello--even to a person I don't know.
Most of the time, my talkative personality is a positive attribute--it aids me in making friends quickly and helps others feel included in a group. But sometimes, I get so caught up in doing what comes naturally--talking--that I forget to think before I open my mouth.
Almost everyone's heard the old adage: "Loose lips sink ships." When I express my own thoughts and feelings a little too freely, I do no harm, except perhaps allow someone to get to know too much about me too soon. But my "harmless" chatter gets me into trouble when I share tidbits about others.
All the little confidences I've shared, such as "Trina's* really concerned about her daughter, Sue, because Sue's sleeping with her boyfriend," or "Pray for Katie, she's going through treatments for infertility," merely seemed like interesting conversations until one day three years ago.
"Praying" for Maris
It happened over a diet Coke at my friend Ann's house. As we both tsk-tsked about the escalating divorce rate, Ann, whose husband had left her four years earlier, commented, "I'm so sorry for the women behind the statistics. I know what it's like to be alone and scared about what's going to happen next."
Just then, I thought about asking Ann to pray for Maris, a mutual friend who had just told me that her marriage was in trouble. I rambled on with details of Maris's marital woes. Ann hadn't a clue our friend's marriage was so deeply troubled. She felt terrible that Maris hadn't told her about it.
After our conversation, I felt sick, but I pushed my feelings aside. However, as the days wore on, I realized--painfully--that I'd been wrong to share news that hadn't been mine to share. Not only had I broken my struggling friend's confidence, but I'd put Ann in the midst of a distressing situation.
I swallowed my pride and phoned Ann to apologize. Then, taking a deep breath, I phoned Maris and asked if I could come over.
Before we even sat down, I blurted out in misery, "Maris, I blew it. Remember a month ago, when you shared with me how you and Mark were struggling in your marriage? Well, last week when Ann and I were talking, I told her about you and Mark. I'd meant to talk in general terms, but then--well, your name slipped out."
Maris's jaw dropped. Her lips quivered. She got teary-eyed.
I plunged ahead. "I don't know what to say. I wish I could take my words back, but I can't. Can you ever forgive me?"
Maris sighed. "I wish you hadn't said anything," she said slowly. "Having someone else know about it only makes it harder on me--and Mark. But you're right. You can't take your words back. I'll phone Ann, so she knows you talked to me--and I'll ask her to keep it confidential."
Ouch. Although Maris and I had been friends for five years, I knew it would take a long time before she'd trust me again.
"Maris," I said, reaching over to hug her, "I'm really sorry. I promise I won't share your confidences--or anyone else's--in the future."
"Don't promise what you can't keep," Maris said softly, looking me straight in the eye. As soon as I got to my car, the tears flowed. I thought of Proverbs 15:2: "The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly." I knew which one I represented.
Taming my tongue
The Bible calls the tongue "a restless evil, full of deadly poison" (James 3:8 ). One of the strongest commands God gives in his Word is to watch what we say: "The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell" ( James 3:5-6). When you gossip--talk idly and inappropriately about someone else--you're allowing a tiny part of your body--the tongue--to control you, and your words can be used to damage others.
God, who created us, knows how easily loose lips can ruin another's reputation, introduce mistrust into a relationship, encourage the gossiper to embellish her tale for dramatic effect, and cause her to sin further by being tempted to lie when confronted with, "Did you really say that about me?"
After my experience with Ann and Maris, I knew I had to confess my wrongdoing to God and ask him to forgive me. I also needed to ask him to help me keep my mouth shut when I should. I prayed that my "sharing" wouldn't ruin my friendship with Ann and Maris.
Thankfully, it didn't. But it did make them more wary of opening their hearts to me for many months--and it made me more careful about inadvertently passing on gossip. Now when I'm privy to some juicy news, I ask myself two key questions before I unzip my lips.
Golden Rule for conversations
Is the news approved for sharing? It's part of my innate nature to want to be "in the know." It's easy for me to spread gossip under the guise of being well-meaning, even prefacing my news with "I wish you'd pray for ...."
But just because my sharing is well-meant doesn't mean it's appropriate. For instance, let's say a friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend of four years. Wanting to help her, I phone another friend who went through a breakup several years ago to ask her to contact my distraught friend. While my intentions might be good, they're misguided if I don't first ask my friend if she wants her news to be made public.
Here's a simple rule I now follow: If the other person didn't tell me, "Go ahead and pass the news around," or "Would you ask our friends to pray for me?" then I don't. It's not my news to share.
When the news is approved by someone, wonderful things can happen. When I met my out-of-town friends Julianne and Jane for our twice-a-year lunch, I noticed that Julianne had lost a great deal of weight. I mentioned how great she looked. Julianne beamed. "I've lost 50 pounds--and kept them off! I can't tell you how great it feels! It's such an accomplishment!"
Later, in a letter, I again told her how proud I was of her, then asked her if I could refer two friends to her for encouragement. They had both been struggling to lose weight. Since then, Julianne and my other two friends have formed a weight-loss support group.
Would I want this news shared about me? If I were sitting in a room with others blatantly talking about me, would I want what I had told them to be shared?
My friend Michelle admits being caught in a nasty situation. While at a restaurant over lunch, Michelle and her coworker, Sharon, stopped in the restroom to fix their makeup before returning to their jobs. Their small talk turned to the subject of who drove them crazy. Immediately Michelle launched into a two-minute diatribe about Beth, a mutual coworker. As Michelle prepared to launch into more specifics, a stall door opened. Out walked Beth, red-faced and angry.
In a split second, what had seemed like a pressure-relief session turned into an awkward mess. Michelle and Beth stared at each other in embarrassed panic. Michelle knew she couldn't take her words back. In the instant their eyes met, Beth fled out the door.
That afternoon, Beth didn't return to work, and the next day Michelle heard through the grapevine that Beth had resigned. While other staff members openly cheered what seemed to be good news, Michelle felt miserable. She wished she would have talked to Beth instead of talking about Beth.
Although that situation happened five years ago, Michelle's never forgotten it. She tried to reach Beth several times by phone, then wrote her a letter of apology, but Beth never responded. Michelle says she, too, learned her lesson about loose lips--the hard way. And what's worse is that Michelle's a Christian and Beth, to her knowledge, isn't.
As the Bible's Golden Rule says, "Do to others what you would have them do to you" (Matthew 7:12). What you dish out will come back. If you have loose lips, your words will eventually return to haunt you.
