Rules of QuizBowl™ (sort of)
Actual following of rules not guaranteed
Story: Andy compiled these rules with a few friends of his during a national high school contest. As he’s the only active member of the college bowl circuit who can claim such authorship (though that may change), he has full right to post them. Hey, keep score! See how many rules apply, and how many SEEM to apply.
The Laws of Quizbowl
Contributors:
Jessie Connolly (Maryland ’03)
Josh Crockett (Virginia Tech ’01)
Andy Goss (Duke ’02)
Matt Hemler (Virginia Tech ’02)
Patrick Thompson (Vanderbilt ’01)
Steve Vladeck (Amherst ’01)
Last revision: 25 July 1998 (v4.0)
Warning: Your mileage may vary. Explanations of some rules will follow.
Laws of Play
1. He/she who is subbed out becomes omniscient.
During several matches on the high school level, one team or the other of Jefferson or Governor’s School (the alma maters of the two main authors) would have five people. It seemed whoever wasn’t playing would be practicing an exercise in frustration.
2. He/she who knows the answers shall be ignored by the captain during conferral. AKA Cassandra's Law.
Hence, the Duke lexicon term "Cassandran".
3. If a rematch occurs in the playoffs, the winner of the previous match has a 50% chance of winning. In other words, HISTORY MEANS NOTHING!
Scientific studies as to whether The Curse in its many forms can override this rule have proven inconclusive.
4. The team that pulls off an incredible upset in one match shall be slaughtered in the next.
In other words, this team has it coming to them, and if it couldn’t happen in match one, it’ll happen in match two. You don’t want to know the average score between a 6 seed and a 14 seed.
5. If the first match of a season between two teams comes down to the final question, every match of the season between those two teams shall come down to the final question.
A two-team circle of death perhaps?
6. The bonus you can sweep will go to the other team.
Corollary: They will score zero on it.
Apparently, we’re not the only ones to notice. Common lexicon entries mention "defensive boni". Or, as Maryland would say, "You should have gotten the tossup."
7. There must be at least one Simpsons question in every respectable tournament.
Exception: A Monty Python question may be substituted.
The authors are relieved to find out this rule doesn’t just apply to high school bowl.
8. Your ability as a quizbowl player shall be judged by the number of times your teammates stare at you in disbelief after an answer.
Seen much more rarely at the college level, a particularly impressive (and bizarre) stick ordinarily only comes from the elite players. Unfortunately, in college your definitions of "impressive" and "bizarre" drastically change.
9. He/she who is a tournament all-star shall have not only an incredible amount of toss-ups, but also an incredible amount of neg-5s. AKA Crockett's Law.
Or, at the college level, Yaphe’s Law. It isn’t uncommon for the top scorer to be the top minus-5 man as well.
10. In a 3-way match, the third-place team shall screw the second-place team. AKA McGarry's Law.
Old school It’s Academic players unite in frustration!
11. If your buzzer fails, you shall not notice it for several questions.
Jefferson vs. Governor’s, Virginia, fall ’97. Governor’s gets the first six questions right and jumps to a 130-0 lead. On question seven, Sean Rovito sticks the tossup after yelling "buzz". We test our buzzers, and none of them work. The moderator refuses to throw out the match and start over, but will allow its moving into a room with a working buzzer set. By question ten, Jefferson has taken the lead and not looked back, so the story had a decent ending inasmuch as the snafu didn’t affect the results.
12. Performance drops dramatically immediately after lunch. AKA the Full Stomach Law.
Or is it just us? Maybe it depends on where you eat.
13. Coaches and captains shall have an inordinate desire to practice immediately before a match that could result in elimination from a tournament. Resist them at all costs, or YOU WILL LOSE! AKA the Captains (overly) Courageous Law.
Hey, how many college teams practice before a tournament rather than socialize?
14. Players improve when other players tell/show them that they suck. AKA the McElroy/Goad Principle.
Mike McElroy was overheard during a 1996 classic between Jefferson and Governor’s as making a comment along the lines of "Amanda Goad couldn’t beat me if I were half asleep!" Needless to say, she had her best match then.
15. Never make fun of the gender of another player, or she will thrash you single-handedly. AKA the Julie Singer Principle.
May 1995. Eleanor Roosevelt (led by Julie Singer and Brian Goldenberg) faces Jefferson B (led by Andy Goss and Ben Letzler). After seven questions, with Jefferson up 80, Andy turns to Mike McElroy (in the peanut gallery) and, showing that he never had any common sense for what to tell people, says, "Hey, I thought this chick was supposed to be tough!" He turns around just in time to see The Look from Julie. Six questions and 155 points later, Singer turns to McElroy and comments on how that’ll teach them to mess with her. Jefferson B got the message – sort of. They then rallied to within one question, only to have Goldenberg steal the game at the end. The match was the turning point in Letzler’s and Goss’s careers.
16. Underestimating a team can kill you.
The W. T. Woodson Corollary: If a team is heavily favored to win a televised tournament, said team is likely to be knocked out in the first round by a team who spends its time backstage fixing their ties and telling inane stories.
Oakton in 1994-95 thought they had the match won easily, but instead got scooped by a young W. T. Woodson squad.
17. In a timed match where the score is tied, at five seconds left every player's hand will come down on the buzzer at once (this is particularly spectacular if you're using a system like the Judge).
AKA the Synchronized Buzzing Principle.
Still, though, no reports of buzzer deadheats! Will it ever happen?
18. Any gesture or statement unconsciously performed or said by a player in a tense game situation is prone to be misinterpreted by moderators and other players. AKA the Jason Thweatt "PUSH!" Principle.
I refer you to the
Virginia Tech lexicon. Look up "Push" and "Ego Boy" for explanations.19. After a long drive to a tournament, Friday night average scoring is either drastically improved or drastically degraded. A player's PPG Friday night will usually have no correlation to the final statistics. AKA the Virginia Tech "We're 4 hours from everything" Principle.
So? So are we! And yes, the same phenomenon has been found at Duke as at Tech. It’s lovely being in the iso, ain’t it?
20. In congratulations on a key score, gender plays no role in what is said. AKA the Alexis Smith "She's the Man!" Principle.
You’d better ask
jcrocket@vt.edu to explain this one.21. A first-year high-school QB coach will inevitably make mistakes that cripple the team. AKA the Duff/Connolly Mental Block Principle.
Be glad most college teams don’t have coaches. Although you could replace "first-year high-school QB coach" with, say, "CBCI administrator" (so we’ve been told).
Laws of Personality
1. Quizbowl players shall like the most inane movies and TV programs. AKA the Law of Silverstone.
Admit it! You liked "Clueless"!
2. Quizbowl players shall show off their knowledge whenever possible.
Corollary: Nobody will listen. See also Cassandra's Principle.
This goes well with #3.
3. All quizbowl players are self-centered.
This goes well with #2.
4. All quizbowl players/teams/coaches shall have some kind of trademark. AKA the Hal Waller Bow Tie Principle.
Hal Waller’s bow tie became as much of a calling card as Eric Hillemann’s beard within the Virginia High School circuit. (Hm, I think that should be rephrased, but you can figure it out.)
5. The Letzlerian Principle, AKA the Great Law
Good quizbowl players shall not be able to get dates.
Goss/Crockett Exclusion Principle: relationships shall be possible if the significant other is somehow related to quizbowl.
Vladeck Corollary to the Goss/Crockett Exclusion: such a relationship shall be used to the player's advantage.
Pictorial Axiom: the picture came with the wallet.
After very, very rigorous research on the Mailing List, this was found not to apply to such extremes in the college game. However, it led to an amusing quote from Julie Stalhut. "Isn’t it odd that it’s easier for us to coordinate sixty people to be in exactly the right room at the right time for an entire day than it is to convince one person to be naked with you?" Sums up my frustration.
6. Good quizbowl players shall not be good at athletics.
Vladeck Retribution Corollary: penalty for violation of this law shall be sudden incompetence on the part of academic or athletic teammates.
Someone check with Andrew Ulland to see if this Retribution Corollary is true.
7. Quizbowl players cannot foc... oh, look at the shiny object!
You don’t want to know how many different topics a typical conversation between David and John will encompass.
8. Quizbowl players always procrasti... I'll finish this law later.
Good idea. I’ll comment on it then.
9. The Letzlerian Principle does not prohibit trying.
Corollary: it encourages trying.
Hemler's Disputation Principle: While the Letzlerian Principle does not discourage trying, trying to fight it is about as useful as beating one's head against a brick wall.
Crockett's Disaffection Hypothesis: if a player somehow finds himself (or herself) backing away from quizbowl, his (or her) luck may improve.
The Disaffection Caveat: this doesn't work if done intentionally.
Translation: Just because it has been established that we can’t get women won’t prevent us from trying to get women. In fact, we feel almost compelled to. However, we’d have a better shot if we weren’t always busy on Saturdays doing this. Not that it helps to simply leave the team; that would be cheating.
10. All quizbowl players will have a favorite cartoon, about which they know everything. AKA the Thompsonian Transformer Principle.
We’re all trash people at heart.
11. Quizbowl players can detect sexual undertones in anything. AKA the Speed Racer Law.
Seriously, you heard that show? There’s something going on between Speed Racer and that girl… every time they get tired, their breathing becomes… well, just listen to it sometime!
12. Quizbowl players are insane.
This rule speaks for itself.
13. Ultimate Frisbee is the quizbowl gods' gift to the world. Remember the sport of Ultimate and keep it holy.
I think
Georgetown provides a nice definition of Ultimate Frisbee.14. Traditions are by their very nature irrational. (See GSGIS taking a 19-hour train ride from Richmond to Cleveland, June 1998, instead of taking Southwest Airlines from BWI, which probably would have cost less too.)
Finally, a rule transcending quiz bowl! It only took us 34 tries!
Do you have a rule to add? We’d like to hear it.
Send it to
apg@duke.eduOr, head back to the main page.
Go to hell Carolina!