Date: March 11, 2004

Subject: If only you, too, could beat a rubber tire!

Friends near and dear,

I wish you could have been a fly on the wall last night. I went for my first taiko (Japanese drumming) lesson with a Japanese friend of mine. It started well. The teacher, an adorably cheerful grandfather-like man, welcomed me in with a flurry of smiles and bows. He immediately put me on one of the big drums (lord knows why he thought that would be a good idea) and gave me a beat to try. I must say I shocked even myself when I more or less got it instantly. I mean I can’t even clap in time with music on an ordinary day. Maybe all the times I’ve played the taiko game at the local arcade paid off (they have taiko games here that are like Dance Dance Revolution…except drumming – go figure). Well, fear not. It wasn’t long before my true talent, or lack there of, shone through and I was quickly demoted to beating a rubber tire (a Bridgestone one to be exact). Yes, a rubber tire! I had a ball. Three months of being locked inside, inhaling kerosene fumes, and being splashed by the darn sprinklers they use to clear the roads of snow - all of my stressors and annoyances - came tumbling out. I was jammin’. Every once in a while I was encouraged, briefly albeit, to give the real drums a go. But, most of the night I sat on a pillow in front of the group and beat my tire as the room pulsed with the rhythm of their song. I recommend this activity to any of you who feel even a semblance of stress. And, if you really want a laugh – try flipping your sticks between beats! I’ll be back next week beating my rubber tire and maybe one day before I leave Japan I’ll actually get promoted to the real deal. “Tabun” (maybe).

Well, besides beating tires, I’ve kept myself ridiculously busy this winter. Yosakoi, the Japanese dancing I do, has started back up and this season our dance has elements of African dance…it’s super cool! I’ve taken up shodo, or Japanese calligraphy, as well. My teacher is great. She’s this tiny, quiet Japanese woman – but – whew – her style is anything but typically Japanese. She’s spunky – that’s about the only word I can think to describe her. Where as most Japanese shower others, and foreigners in particular, with endless compliments and niceties, she’s straight up. I’ll work on one character for an hour or two and then she’ll finally admit that one of them is “nakanaka josu” (pretty good)…which probably means it’s about as good as the characters that my first grade students do. Nevertheless, there’s something restful and almost meditative about it. And, when I really do one well, she gets so excited. I love it.

There have been Mexican food parties, Canadian pancake parties, potluck parties and Valentines parties. The cutest of which was definitely the Canadian party where a ton of Japanese people came to taste pancakes, answer Canadian trivia, and play “Name that tune.” Their zest for learning never ceases to amaze me. I got to take a day off school for cooking lessons and a karaoke lesson with the head of the board of education. Score! My Japanese teacher invited me to her house and dressed me up in a kimono before a nice little chat over tea. It seemed so paradoxical to sit in a kimono sipping tea while we chitchatted over topics like sex education, AIDS, drugs, and marital affairs in Japanese society – a distinctly un-Japanese conversation of which I am still in disbelief. [As a side note, I love the way English liberates some Japanese people to speak candidly of things that the polite vagueness of Japanese would forbid.] I stumbled upon a beautifully intimate jazz bar in town and an even more amazing café tucked in the mountains that has monthly bluegrass concerts. Listening to “Take Me Home Country Roads,” with a beer in my hand, the lush mountains towering just out the window, and a crazy Japanese man beside me making all kinds of funny faces just to see me smile – utopia!

Oh gosh! And then there were the festivals. I went to one in the mountains where they showered me with so much free sake and food that I couldn’t even hold it all. Another, Setsubun, marked the end of winter with a wild bean-throwing event complete with red and blue demons. One old man – and we’re talking “he had a cane” old – knocked me over as he fought to catch the “good luck” beans. The Hadaka Matsuri (The Naked Man Festival) was perhaps the most amusing. It’s not everyday that you get to see 1,000 men running around in thong-like diapers in pursuit of a magic stick!

There were so many other events or “moments” – but I would be here all night telling you of all the one liners that make me giggle (like when my teacher told one of my students to “be bisexual” when he wanted him to read both the male and female parts of the dialogue); all the helping hands that I’ve been offered (like the neighbor of a friend who picked me up a the airport, drove me two hours, carried my luggage, found out the train times, refunded my pre-purchased ticket and then returned with dinner); and all the shy smiles and small waves that daily warm my heart. Suffice it to say that I’m still amazed by the kindness and liveliness of the people here.

My friend Eric Gold was here for a quick visit in January. Arriving right about when I was in dire need of a warm hug, his visit really carried me through that dreary, cold month. It was such a treat to see him and yet such a tease. I wanted to show him everything about this place that makes me love it, but there just wasn’t sufficient time. Even so, I think he got a glimpse of my life here and for me that was something really special to share. My students continue to ask me about “tall boy,” “man with big feet,” or “boyfriendo.” And my teachers are no better. On Valentines Day they asked me if I gave my “gentleman” any chocolate. They later redefined gentleman as “lover.” Ha!

I must say - I love spring. I love the season of new beginnings and life. I can feel my spirits lifting with every passing day. Winter was bad – no doubt. It was snowy, cold, and plagued by a perpetual feeling of sickliness. But, maybe it wasn't quite as bad as I'd expected. All things considered, I think I coped pretty well. By the beginning of March, though, the kerosene fumes were really getting to me as were the snowy roads that limited my mobility to a small radius of things to which my two legs could carry me. I don't think it was the winter weather itself that made this term tough, rather this feeling of being trapped inside the wrinkles of my mind where everything was fogged by kerosene. With spring, however, comes another season to hop on my bike and see...explore...and that is what feeds my love of this experience. Winter – good riddance! Soon the cheery trees that line the river by my apartment will be in full bloom and I’ll be in heaven. Bring on spring and all things green!

Admittedly it’ll be tough to part with Henry the kerosene heater. Over the course of the last three months he became my best friend. Now, don’t be thinkin’ it was a purely physical relationship where I just used the poor thing to heat me up. Au contraire. We had deep and meaningful communication. It would beep at me when it needed some love (more fuel) and it would beep again to remind me to open a window before I died of carbon monoxide poisoning (a warning I grew less and less likely to follow as the winter dragged on and my tolerance for cold waned). It will also be really sad to pack away my fabulous snow boots – the Japanese wear the kind you wore when you played in the creek as a six year old – solid rubber up to your knees. I had quite a time tromping through the deepest puddles of slush I could find and then exclaiming, “Beat that!” to no one in particular (I tell you – blame Henry the heater). Even sadder yet, will be the end to driving in the snow. Every once in a while I was treated to a car ride, which was awesome! It was like taking a jeep out on the beach...complete with the bumps, the sprays of water and the fear of (or rather, reality of) getting stuck. Did I mention they don’t salt, slag, or plow the roads here?

I’d be lying if I didn’t also admit that I’ll miss the giggles my students had at my expense because I was always so bundled up. My friends constantly made fun of my ranting, but I just couldn’t get over the fact that not a single student ever wore a hat and only 60% of them ever even put on a coat…and that’s not to mention that the girls have to wear skirts and not a single of them ever put on a pair of stockings to cover her legs. It’s no surprise they all got the flu – and if you ask me, they deserved it! I don’t know how their moms ever let them out of the house like that!

Well, I’ve formally decided to leave Japan in August when my contract ends. It was a really tough decision, but one I feel good about. As for what I’ll be doing next year…only time will tell. For a while, I was sooooo torn. I was, in fact, consumed by the possibilities, their implications, and the enormity of the decision: "What to do next year?". My mind raced day and night - so much so that I became a walking zombie at school - at once awake and asleep. Luckily, that sense of immediacy has passed and I've found a healthier more mediated state of indecision in which to reside. Still, the questions plague me, but in letting them soak in for a while, I'm learning to better discern what feels right in my heart - and to differentiate that from the apprehensions and expectations of other influences in my life. Maybe in some weird way I'm learning to appreciate the questions and the uncertainty as valued and important parts of who I am at this stage in my life.

Ok – there is so much more to tell, but I must hit the sack. I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to email you all. I promise I think about you far more often than I manage to write. I hope all is well. Please send me updates from your side of the world. I cherish each and every one.

A big warm hug,

Bran-chan

Ps. I forgot to mention that in my aerobics class last week all of the women descended on me to touch my hair and exclaim, “amazing!” If only everyone thought my sweaty, un-brushed hair was this cool!

Pss. Please check out the website. It’s been updated with lots of new pictures. Be sure to look at the top right of the page for a link directly to the new stuff. www.duke.edu/~bhl/japan