Ultimate Comics

Welcome to what I hope is going to be a recurrent (roughly translated as PLEASE let be do it again Camilo) installation here at Schizoid Productions. During an exploration of the local comic shop (Purple Earth (check it out if you are near Huntington, WV) with our fearless author, I succumbed to another staple of geekdom - comics. Oh sure, we all read Garfield and B.C. in our local newspapers, but it takes a true geek to sit down for hours on end and dive into the world of Charles Xavier and his students or the perils of Peter Parker (alliterations are FUN!). Up until now, I had avoided this source of entertainment, thinking that my level of geek had reached far enough, given my love of all things Sci Fi, a broad assortment of video/computer games, and having a science degree. However, as my Latino neighbor proceeded with his purchases, I finally broke down and picked up the first 2 books of Marvel's "Ultimate X-Men." They were amazing! Instead of joining the X-Men saga where it is currently (useless trivia #1: X-Men has been published since 1963), I start from a new beginning in these books and see how things unfold for these teenage mutants at their secluded New York school. After quickly reading all my books (after reading the first 2, I quickly ran out and bought the next 3), I borrowed the Spiderman comics from our esteemed author and began the process anew with the friendly, neighborhood webslinger (no holes in his wrist, ala current movie arc - finally a smart, geeky Spidey). The "Ultimate" universe of both sets of books is one and the same, allowing for unique crossovers (such as the X-Men fighting Captain America and Thor) and each comic makes references to situations that are occuring in the shared world (i.e. the appearance of mutants). I am looking forward to seeing more of both series as well as acquiring other stories (there are also series chronicling the Fantastic Four and the Ultimates). In summary: CURSE YOU CAMILO FOR GETTING ME HOOKED ON COMIC BOOKS DURING MEDICAL SCHOOL!!! Oh, and picking up this new series by Marvel is well worth your time. (Haha! ~DD)

~Chevere Tuesday January 31, 2006 -10:11 AM

Shaolin Soccer

Today I finally saw Shaolin Soccer, and due to Anna mentioning my website on her Livejournal, I decided to put up the review. I may not be a responsible web-comicer (shame on me!) but I can't disappoint my fans that directly *grin*. By director Stephen Chow, this movie is bizzarre. It's intended to be so, and even the dubbing seems to be geared towards adding a bit of classic Kung Fu style to the style. Essentially, a former soccer star becomes an unlikely soccer coach, and his team consists of... well, Shaolin masters. They're brothers, all of whom have mastered a particular style of Kung Fu which they then use to master the art of Soccer. Yeah, it IS silly. That's the point. Shh. If you're expecting anything of remote artistic value... well, you may want to stay away. I mean, I could reach and point out that the Shaolin moves tend to be represented with some air and earth, nature stuff, within the technique... the Evil Team (yes, that's their name), on the other hand, has shadow and flame on their side. Think Magic: The Gathering. All we're missing is White, and we've got the five pointed star intrinsic to the game. Mmm... symbology. Anyhow, the movie's a lot of fun, and greatly exaggerated. The director's coming out with a new movie soon called Kung Fun Hustle which appears to have the same outrageous martial arts humor. If that's what you want, that's what you'll get from this movie. Final Thought: If you like Bruce Lee at all, this has some good spoofs in that vein. It also has wonderfully exaggerated martial arts moves, and a great sense of bizzarre, almost Python-esque humor. "I am exploding!" Also, props to Shock (Anna) for mentioning my site. *grin*

~DD Sunday January 30, 2005 -4:04 AM

Spirited Away

So, one of the first animes I've watched, and the first one I went out of my way to watch. Damn it all if it wasn't enjoyable. The little girl, Chihiro, (voiced by Lilo) is cute, though winy. Grows throughout the film (which is the point) and makes some really weird ass friends. The dubbing, which I presume is important when rating anime, was seamless as far as I could tell. And the animation was great, with a few CG scenes interspersed. The plot? Chihiro's parents are spellbound by Yubaba - a spirit who owns a Bathhouse for other spirits to relax and replenish themselves. Chihiro runs into a boy who somehow knows her, and he helps her get into the bathhouse safely. The spirits in the Bathhouse... weird. Very weird. But, that's just something you've gotta accept in the movie. There's frogs, women, dragons, monsters, river spirits and a bunch of others that I'm clueless about more'n likely. My favorite scene, by far, was a completely pointless one. After stomping a black spell-slug of some sort, a small fat rodent who's befriended Chihiro stands on the remains and begins to be affected by the evil of the slug. So, he performs the ceremony to rid himself of the evil, (which involves putting your forefingers together and then having someone strike them apart) and then exhults in his victory. It was great. The balls of ash around the mouse made it even better, for some reason. Final Thought: Hayao Miyazaki is apparently the best place to start for anime. This move showed me that was right. So, watch it if you're even remotely interested in a weird, funny and potentially cute movie. Even though it's anime. *grin*

~DD Monday June 7, 2004 -2:26 AM

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

I'm going to keep this review short because there's going to be a great guest review by Starlight. She's a Master in the world of Harry Potter, and much more qualified than I to write this review. I liked this movie though. Just so that's clear. It was enjoyable, and had some fun scenes (Watch the birdie!). However, there were some omissions I didn't like - a few lines that would connect things like the map, the stag patronus, and the like. Even the Weasley twins were scarcely introduced. Why did Lupin know so much about the map? Dunno. Well, I do know... but not because the movie told me, that's for sure. Also, Snape just didn't seem quite as sinister in this one, to me. And Dumbledore isn't Richard Harris. Final Thought: I liked the movie, but if you're a dork just be careful. I suspect Starlight will go into much better detail regarding that aspect of it than I. *grin* In fact, she now has! Muchas gracias go out to her for her awesome reviewing! DISCLAIMER: This may contain spoilers for anyone who hasn't read the books (is there anyone left who hasn't?) or seen the film yet. SECOND DISCLAIMER: This is somewhat of an over-analytical rant from an obsessive HP fangirl, FYI. Few films have caused me so many moments of elation and disappointment. I have a truly mixed opinion of this film. Let's begin at the beginning, since that is an excellent place to start. The bit with the Dursleys and Aunt Marge in the beginning was fabulous. Very funny, very much how I saw it in the book, la la la. Next, the Knight Bus. I liked the Knight Bus a lot. However, one thing about it I didn't really enjoy. The lame little shrunken head. Wtf? Why is there a little shrunken head on the Knight Bus with a random Jamaican accent? Why take the time to add in a little stupid shrunken head when that minute or so of dialogue could have been uised to explain something much more important, like oh, say, who the Marauders were? (for more on that rant, keep reading) Moving along to the next point of interest, Hogwarts. With this new director, I finally felt the interiors were brought to life. And all the paintings were excellent. However, at Hogwarts, I did not like the little choir. What was the point of having singing in this movie? Again, why was the time wasted on this when it could have been used to explain, oh, say, why Harry's patronus takes the form of a stag? On to the new Dumbledore. Was not happy. He was cold and aloof. I don't think the blame laid with the actor, because I have heard he is pretty good. I blame the script writing. It seemed as though all Dumbledore did was wander around like some old coot spouting platitudes. Where was his grandfatherly love for Harry? Where was his quiet authority? Why did they give his best lines to Sirius Black? Ugh, v. disappointing. Other new people, Lupin I liked. He was quiet and strong and had that air of warmth. However, again, script writer's fault, we never know why he takes a shine to Harry specifically, why he understands the map, or why he keeps giving everyone chocolate. As for Trelawney. Emma Thompson was brilliant. The problem again, laid with the writing. I was frustrated that it is never really established that she is mostly a fraud and a fool. She seems wacky and out there, but not like a fraud. And the fact that most of her predictions were wrong was what made her one real prophecy so shocking. However, I did think that the part when she makes the actual prophecy was quite spooky, so cheers to that. Hagrid's care of magical creatures class was great. Buckbeak was magnificent, *happy sighs to that*. In fact, all of the animals in this movie were great. Yay for the werewolf (a hyena-ish gangly terror) and Padfoot! And although they weren't really animals, the dementors were excellent too. V. scary!!! The acting was all pretty solid. Dan Radcliffe was a great moody thriteen year old Harry. Rupert and Emma were good of course. Fred and George were wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Where was Ginny in this movie though? Out of the kids though, my favorite performance was Tom Felton. His swaggering, idiotic, simpering imp Malfoy was great! He arrogantly angers the hippogriff, threatens Harry with origami, and totally wimps out to Hermione! And his line about "you and your bloody chicken", priceless. It was excellent!!!! Although I mentioned Emma was good, I think perhaps, Hermione was too good. Why do they always give her Ron's best lines? And why this time did they go as far as to give her some of Harry's best lines as well? Why does she solve so many of the mysteries? And how many goddamn times do we have to hear that she really is the 'cleverest witch of her age'? Gaaah! Finally, the rant that you've all been waiting for, why the hell didn't they explain anything about who the Marauders were? Why didn't we find out that James was an animagus? Why don't we find out where the map came from? One little line from Sirius saying "I wrote it" was both scanty and incorrect. They all wrote it together, not just him. Ugh, lame. Bottom Line: The acting and directing were quite good, script writing stunk. Definitely entertaining, and even after all the ranting, I must admit that I will probably see it at least two more times, if not more in the theatre, and will undoubtedly purchase the dvd. *sheepish grin*

~DD and Starlight Monday June 7, 2004 -1:18 AM

Shrek 2

Saw the movie with the family, found it most enjoyable. Why? Well, the animation is, of course, flawless. In this one there're more human figures, and in particular these humans are more, well, human than Lord Farkwart. Much of the time, I could see real human fluidity in the characters. I mean, it's hard to believe any are human because they're purposefully cartoony, but they're very human-like. Of course, the best character award goes straight to Puss in Boots. A cat that can fake cute-ness to kick ass? Priceless. And the voice is perfect - though unfortunately I'm once again inclined to practice my Antonio Banderas impersonation. I'm sure Blair's happy about that. The rest of the voice acting is also top notch - John Cleese, Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Rupert Everett and so forth. The jokes, particularly at the beginning, seemed forced into a childish set. Of course, that can only be expected from a movie that's meant to appeal to such a wide audience, but I feel one should be forewarned. However, these jokes are a minor hindrance, and the rest of the humor is mostly top-notch. I'm a fan of the puns, so even most of the kid jokes (aside from the rare bad fart gag [there are such things as good fart gags]) appeal. For some reason I found the idea of a bartender actually asking a sad horse "Why the long face?" to be incredibly hilarious. Though, that might be just me. The music, even, was great. For some reason I liked the song "Holding Out for a Hero" by Jennifer Saunders. It fit perfectly with the scenes, and has sort of been stuck in my head (and my iPod). Good music all around though. I liked "Poison" by Capt. Hook, too. Thought I'd mention them both. Final Thought: As good as the first one. Watch and enjoy.

~DD Tuesday June 1, 2004 -8:01 PM

The Day After Tomorrow

I would like to point out my belief that a movie has to create a certain level of disbelief, and follow it. Anything that leaves this area where I willingly believe what they tell me, becomes ridiculous and, frankly, stupid. So, this comes into play only once in this movie. The idea that the weather can result in a sudden (within a few days) ice age, or storms that drag super-frozen air from the troposphere, sure. Whatever. But the idea that a pack of wolves will escape from a zoo in New York City, survive a flood, extreme temperatures, snow, and debris only to arrive at the moment some of the heroes become exposed... that's too much. But that's... okay. It was an enjoyable movie, with good special effects. It had some great jokes regarding Mexico, which were a wonderful irony that only like 5 people in the theater laughed at. It bears more than a few similarities with Independence Day especially at the beginning. Still, more than acceptable. ID4 was a great movie, afterall. Dennis Quaid does a good job, though nothing I'd call exceptional. His son, played by some guy, bears a striking resemblance to a thinner Toby Maguire. Though that might be the cocaine talking. Another funny note - the VP in the movie looks an awful lot like Cheney, and the President looks a fair bit like Dubbaya. Coincidence? Doubtful. Final Thought: A great disaster movie combined with Indepence Day to make a big special effects and apocalyptic movie. Despite the magical pennicillin seeking wolves, the movie was believable enough, and it was great when Mexico closed its borders. Priceless.

~DD Monday May 31, 2004 -2:23 AM

Bubba Ho-Tep

So, as it turns out this movie is apparently much more intellectual than I would've at first thought. I mean, obviously there was some critique of Nursing homes and stardom, but according to the review at imdb (just click on the picture to the left) there's a fair bit of allegory. But, I consider that immaterial. This was a good movie even on my own small, and simpleminded interpretation. Now, mind it is a Bruce Campbell movie - some stupidity must be present. In this movie's case it's exaggerated bad-action and penis jokes. The main premise is simple - Elvis, who is alive and was presumed dead because of a mistake involving an Elvis impersonator, is in a nursing home. His only buddy is Jack, who believes he's JFK, LBJ stole his brain and dyed him. He's black. In the meantime, a mummy has escaped and begun stealing souls in the nursing home by sucking them out of "any major orifice." Yup. Simple. The humor's bizzarre, and there's some great quotes. Bruce Campbell does a great Elvis impersonation, though the makeup is pretty low budget. The mummy's also rather low budgeted, and in fact... the whole movie is low budgeted. But, if you can let that slide (and c'mon, if you're watching this you've probably laughed at the Evil Dead movies' ridiculous effects) it's a funny movie. Has some great subtitles too, by the way. Oh, and somehow... Bruce Campbell manages to be somewhat badass as a 70 year old overweight Elvis with a walker. Final Thought: It's a good laugh, and apparently a deep allegory of some sort. But I'd watch it because it's stupid, dirty, and has the famousest B-Movie chin in existence.

~DD Sunday May 30, 2004 -2:49 PM

Karaoke Revolution

Easily winning the award for "Most Easily Made Fun of Game Ever" Karaoke Revolution (KR) is nonetheless a great game. 35 songs, a few friends (and liquor optional, depending on how much you want to suffer) and the mic that's included in the pack with the game - and you've got yourself a fun party. Of course, you also have to find someone willing to sing "Like a Virgin" and "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," preferably a guy for maximal ass-making. I happen to be that guy, unfortunately/fortunately. I enjoy making an ass of myself, and I can't turn down the ladies' requests. Well, the scoring system works out rather well, though the highest setting requires you to be a recording of the singer if you expect to do particularly well. Damned near impossible. But fun! There's 35 songs, which fairly represent most genres. There's plenty of weird characters, and the volume for your singing, the song's vocals, the music and your headset are all variable (in case you really don't want to hear that one friend of yours voice coming out of the tv). It's incredibly easy to get the hang of the game, and anyone can do well on Easy given a little practice (well, sometimes a lot... *cough*). Of course, it might take a little to con... vince, yes, convince... someone to give it a try. The key, of course, is that everyone MUST make an ass of themselves, and therefore by making an ass of themselves they're in fact being cool. It's like patting someone's ass in football - because you're expected to do it and look weird, doing it and looking weird is in fact the "cool" thing to do. Or something. Wait... am I still talking? Man... I'd better quit while I'm ahead. Final Thought: Um, it's like DDR, except you make more of an ass of yourself. But you also get to make asses of your friends. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer... is no. But it's still fun.

~DD Saturday May 29, 2004 -11:18 PM

Return of the King

If you can't figure out my opinion on this movie, you, my faithful reader, must not be very faithful. I'd say you're an apprentice in the ways of Doom Duck. What an amazing, awe-inspiring movie. The battles were crazy go nuts, the characters were deep and fun to watch, the actors did an amazing job (even moreso than in the first two), the views in New Zealand are still awe-inspiring, and Legolas is still hot. Crap, did I say that last one? *slowly tiptoes away* Well, it's an amazing continuation of the first two, with a much greater focus on just how important the ring is, and Frodo's success with the ring. I guess that was sorta lost in the Helm's Deep portion of TTT, since survival came first in that case, rather than anything Frodo was doing. The special effects were possibly more awesome in this one than in the others, and if you thought the army in Helms Deep was impressive, holy crap... check out the assault on the walls of Gondor. The trolls, the orcs, the war machines, the oliphants, the ghosts, the Rohirrim, the sheer feckin' awesomeness of it all! *falls over clutching chest* Seriously though, I had a few issues with the movie, but to me they did not detract from the movie at all, it's just a personal opinion and one I can see being disagreed with. Firstly, the bedroom scene towards the end is a bit much. Seriously...sheesh. *SPOILER BELOW* If I'd been Frodo, I would've been firmly convinced that I was dead. First I see Gandalf, all in white. I saw him die. I look around, bed is white, walls are white, clothes are white, and even the air in the room seems whiter than usual. Then Gandalf starts laughing at me. What the heck?! I'm confused, I must be dead. I guess the lava overtook me. And then the pillow fight on the bed too.... craziness. Maybe a little homoerotic... but then, maybe it's just the way society is nowadays. Back to the non-spoilers, I also thought the ending was a bit much - too much like the ending to a book, which although his commitment to accuracy is admirable, I think Peter Jackson could've pulled it off a little better. Nonetheless, it was a great wrap-up and faithful to the books that all the fans love. Now what do I look forward to though? What?! *sigh* I feel like I've lost the movies that guided me for the last three years. First Matrix, now this. I am saddened. Wait! The DVD! Deleted scenes! Huzzah! Feeling of waiting for more LotR Goodness is restored. Final Thought: See the movie! Now! I mean this now more than with any other movie, except perhaps Pirates. Both such awesome movies! Must own... both... movies! I will! Yes, precious, I will. BTW, ask me to do my Gollum impression, I've worked hard to get it to something I agree with.

~DD Tuesday December 30, 2003 -4:42 AM

Mario Kart: Double Dash

I was so looking forward to this game... a new Mario Kart! Behold it in its greatness! But alas, I begin by telling you all that I am not thrilled. A wise man once said (okay, it was Molesquirrel, not really wise at all.) "I'm sure Double Dash is a great game, but it's just another version of the one for the 64. And I'm not going to pay Nintendo to rehash their old games and sell them to me." Okay, he may not have said exactly that, but that's a good approximation. Well, he's right - after two days of playing through I'd gotten trophies in nearly every division of the Grand Prix, and wasn't far from winning through everything. Mind you, the game itself isn't bad, it's everything you've come to know and love about Mario Kart. Absolutely everything. Very few changes, the two people on screen isn't a huge deal (both can hold an item... um... cooperative mode for shooting/sliding and the steerer), and the levels (I believe) are actually poorer in design in many instances. No haunted house? No very difficult shortcuts? And Rainbow Road has walls, what's the deal with that? Admittedly, I'm being picky, but I believe I can because frankly, this is a new game, but feels like the old one with changes rather than vast improvements. The multiplayer, however, is what's supposed to shine. But I've played it with some friends, and it's just not the same. I want to be able to shock everyone and jump from last to first by making that one lucky jump, or play a Battle Mode that's not just a giant square. Oh, did I forget to mention that? The Battle Mode levels, without a doubt, are awful and unoriginal. They actually removed the coolest part of some levels (like blocks you can get on top of) and made it feel like every one of them was a square with x in the middle. *sigh* I loved battle mode, but now it's just unappealing. I love Nintendo, I'm close to a fanboy, but they've done me wrong with this game. It's just not as amazing as I expected. There are some unexplored possibilities - two player cooperative in one kart, or linking several cubes and tvs together for an 8 person multiplayer extravaganza (four karts, two in each, each on their own tv) - but unless you have the drawing power of Penny Arcade you're just not going to get anywhere. Maybe if there was online play, but alas that's not the case. Final Thought: It's a rehash, and not a delightfully nostalgic improvement. I'm seriously thinking of exchanging it for Prince of Persia or RotK.

~DD Tuesday December 30, 2003 -4:32 AM

Gemstone IV

>"Back in the day I used to play this great text based MUD that had a great History, tons of areas, many professions, a great spellcasting system, and some of the greatest Roleplaying I've seen. It also had it's fair share of problems, including a stagnant pace of improvements - it took forever to see any differences, and eventually the problems it had became annoying enough that I had to quit. >"That game was Gemstone III, and despite quitting, I look back at it fondly. Then Jase told me a friend of his was back in, and that it'd gotten a ton of improvements. He also reminded me of the free month, and the four weeks we had for Christmas break. The seed was planted... then I got home and found out that my precious FFXI was unplayable because my dad's computer is, "how ju say..." whack. No go, I must find something to do! Then I remembered... it beckoned to me... I go inside, and lo! Now it's Gemstone IV. Man, I am such a loser... >"So, a lot's changed, though the underlying mechanics remain the same. There's mana for casting, Health for taking damage, and a great wound system that I've not seen anywhere else. Getting hit in different areas greatly affects how deadly a shot can be. Armors cover different areas of the body, and encumber you more/less depending on the material and the coverage. All this is pretty much the same, as are the commands that taught me how to type: att rat, prep 401, cast rat, stance off, put my sword in my b sheath, and so forth. But, man... the changes are great. >"Firstly, the squares (all physical classes) now have combat maneuvers, allowing them to pull some fance moves. Spellcasters get tons more mana, there's more skills (including ways of training in specific areas of spellcasting, like Necromancy for Sorcerors, or Fire Magic for Wizards). They've implemented Staves, a defensive weapon for casters that is based on how much they've concentrated on spellcasting skills. More spells, including awesome changes to old ones - Limb Disrupt (Sorceror spell, knocks off a random limb) has a chance of making that limb come to life! Now, how cool is that? Very cool, that's how cool. >"For some picky details, There's the Professions and the Races. The greatest thing though, is that other than a few exceptions, every race can be every profession and be successful. None of that "Mithra = Rogues" bullcrap (which, admittedly, is sorta nice sometimes, see below). THe combinations are endless, and since it's text based, most of the a-holes have left for more graphic-filled pastures. Nothing but enthusiasts left nowadays. >"Ah, and for those of you curious, the reason for the odd beginnings to each paragraph: this is what it would look like if you were playing Gemstone IV... right... now. >gasp reader >Doom Duck gasps at you! >"Final Thought: Oooh yeah, that's some good stuff. Ah, and for the record: M'names Dukhan, a Faendryl Spellconjurer and master of the elements. And unfortunately, my pet cricket died.

~DD Tuesday December 30, 2003 -4:24 AM

Final Fantasy XI

Yay! A new videogame. Yay! A new MMORPG. Yay! A new reason to have my life disappear ever so slowly. Yes, that's right! Thanks to Cheng, that conniving wench *shakes fist*, I've bought and been sucked into FFXI. If you read Penny Arcade then you already know the basics of the game, and why it may not be the greatest thing ever (and why it may). Yes, the World Passes are a pain in the ass, but hey, you can live with it. Its only a momentary pain, not a huge one. Aye, it has all the same problems any other MMORPG has - it's a bit repetitive, and improving your character is the name of the game. That's the basics. So, I really like the game. I played Dark Ages of Camelot and found it got dull after a bit, in particular because I kept restarting my character as different choices were made apparent to me. Well, in FFXI that problem has been partially eliminated - you choose a Race, a Class, and go forth. You can change your class whenever you choose, and once you get high enough you can actually combine two classes in a weird Main/Sub Class system that works rather well. So, in essence . . . what it boils down to is that I like the fact that there's less customization in FFXI. A little weird, but deal with it. That's not all though, the graphics are very nice, the spells are coo, the combat system is effective, and the maps they give you are very useful. Then there's the quests and missions, actually lending a storyline to an MMORPG, which is odd. But then, this is Final Fantasy, so you come to expect these sort of things. For the record, should anyone reading this play and not be aware - I'm Felyss the Mithran Thief on Midgardsormr. I hunt around San D'Oria, and yes - I'm a female. Look, Flammie Cammie comments aside (I hate you Connie *sniffle*) Mithra have a high Dex and Agility. Thus, if I wanted a Thief they were the obvious choice. They only come in the female variety. So, in conclusion, I'm a female cat-woman who prances around in scanty clothing because there's a lack of pants in the game (read Mac Hall for more info on that aspect) and am forced to keep my bikini on. But I'm not a furry. Promise. Final Thought: It's fun, it's addictive, it's Final Fantasy (Kupopo!). Do you enjoy losing your life to a video game? If so, enjoy! But be wary the $10 monthly fee. It's a pain in the ass, but it's the price you pay for riding a Chocobo.

~DD Sunday November 23, 2003 -12:32 AM

Matrix Revolutions

To begin with, you probably have many questions, and though the process of watching the movies has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably human. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand and some of them you may not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant. "Is Matrix Revolutions any good?" Didn't I just tell you? Geeze... Well, fine. I loved the Matrix, through and through. All three of them. Yup, even the second one (though it was my least favorite). But, as I said at the beginning, it's irrelevant. A ton of people really hated the movie. I'd like to attempt to explain that, so we'll see what I can do. Simply put, this Matrix is the epic conclusion. It has the epic battle, the final conflict, the death, the tragedy, and best of all: no orgy rave scene. It does answer all the questions from the first two movies, and it concludes everything and finally quells most of the internet rumors. The acting is exactly what you'd expect (with a great, "Shit" line from Neo) and the special effects are still amazing, for the most part. "So, why did so many people hate it?" Hmm, quicker than the others. Well, for one thing there's some cheese in the movie. Or corn if you prefer - some lines were extended longer than necessary, some scenes were very predictable. To boot, some of the answers are not satisfactory to some people, and stil further - many people didn't understand the answers because they missed an essential plot point earlier in the film. As though the movie weren't under enough pressure to redeem for the second, a ton of people went in just begging for plot holes to rip apart. Ergo, they hated it. There are answers to almost all the plot holes and should you miss them the first time, hit a forum, or perhaps hit the theater and see the movie again. Yup, it really could help. And no, it's not all Christian mythology, so get over it. Hrmph. Do you know how many Eastern religions are referenced in here? One scene and suddenly it's all Christian. Sorry, pet peeve. Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the anomaly revealed as both beginning, and end. There are two doors. The door to your right leads to the trilogy being awesome, and the salvation of the Wachowski Bros. legacy. The door to the left leads back to the original Matrix, the beginning, being the only good one, and to the ultimate end of the franchise . As you adequately put, the problem is choice. So, feel free to make your own choice. And should you choose to debate the finer points, I'll be glad to. I promise I won't geek on you too much, and I promise I don't have all the answers. 'cause y'see, I can't see past the plot points I don't understand. Final Thought: In the words of the Oracle, "Make up your own damn mind."

~DD Saturday November 22, 2003 -11:53 PM

Mystic River

Ooh! An awesome movie, great actors, great plot, and a gritty crime-oriented neighborhood. Sean Penn did an awesome job, and Kevin Bacon was great, too. But I've gotta give Tim Robbins a hand, I thought his character was awesome and scary at points when he'd just get that weird look in his eye, and start waxing insane. It all begins with a scene in the childhood of three kids and a tragedy occurs to one of them. Flash forward, Sean Penn loses his eldest daughter one night, and does his best to find out who the killer is. One of the last people to see her is Davey - the boy with the childhood tragedy. Needless to say, he looks like a pretty likely suspect. Won't say any more, but just know that it's an awesome movie. It's Clint Eastwood directed, too, which I thought was funny. I never knew he was that good at it, except for Unforgiven. The acting was awesome, the plot was great, and the setting was gritty. The only issue I had was with the ending which seemed partially tacked on. There's something about the wives' part - I feel like someone was trying to say something about loyalty and it just didn't get through. Final Thought: See the movie if you like... good movies. Loser. It's a gritty crime movie, with murder and suspense. You'll like. Go. *shoos you away*

~DD Tuesday October 28, 2003 -9:23 PM

Runaway Jury

Another John Grisham novel turned movie! So, keep that in mind if you know for a fact you hate Grisham novel-movies (Time to Kill etc). I thought it was a good movie, and though I haven't read the book, my dad sayd it's a fair representation. So I'll take his word for it. John Cusack, one of those good actors you enjoy seeing, did a great job in the movie. Gene Hackman, the Lex Luthor, did a great job too, and definitely reshowed his evil acting. I liked seeing him be a bastard, as always. Dustin Hoffman, another great job though a little flat. Would've been better if he'd done a Rainman impression, but then I just enjoy seeing that. The plot - a jury chosen in deciding a major gun control kinda case is being sold by Cusack and his girlfriend. Cusack's on the inside, and his gal is running the selling portion. In the meantime Gene Hackman is the evil gun corporation lawyer and Sid Hoffman... err, that is - Dustin Hoffman, plays the good guy idealistic lawyer. All in all, an enjoyable trial/action movie. Pretty much what I expected, still a lot of fun and did manage to surprise me. Final Thought: If you like Grisham novels, you'll like the movie. Duh.

~DD Tuesday October 28, 2003 -9:22 PM

Duke Parking Services

At the beginning there was Move-In. Thousands of dinosaurs walked the campus, bringing their kids to another year of college (and loving the new quality time *nudge nudge wink wink*). To those lucky few who's parents had gifted them with a car, there was a $180 stipend that had to be sacrificed to the Devil (in particular, the Blue variety). This money was used for... well, we're not sure yet. The fossil records don't show anything. It's theorized that the fossils were ground to dust from the 10 minute walk required to actually reach the parking lot and acquire the car. As time progressed, it was learned by those of the automobile persuasion that a certain ritual known as a "house fun-activity" or some such... I don't recall quite right. Anyway, these house fun activities required those on the West end to move their cars to either the Central or the East end on Fridays. And then move them back before the weekend was over. If you failed to do either of these - a further $100 fine was left by the Blue Devil's magical Campus Security Faeries. Of course, these same Faeries were also responsible for preventing rape, assault, theft and vandalism... but generally they preferred the safety of slowly driving around a parking lot and ticketing anyone they could find. And woe be to those who were found more than once! Woe indeed, for their car would be ticketed for $175 and towed off to a different lot. Yea, so it was done. What were the Devil's reasons for these insane acts? Well, during these "house fun-activities" other people came to watch - and they too wanted to park their cars and were willing to pay $5 for a space. Where did this money go? Did the students who had already paid for those spots receive a dividend? A percentage? Haha! No! Dost though truly claim to know the ways of the Devil, and still believe it was possible that he would use profit to help the students? Heehee. Foolish mortal. Nae, the devil ran away with the money faster than a Tourist in Tijuana can run to the bathroom. Lo, this is the legend of the Devil's Parkated Shenanigans... or D.P.S. And damn, does it suck. Stupid Parking Services! I mean... um, stupid Parkated Shenanigans!

~DD Wednesday October 22, 2003 -1:36 AM

Kill Bill Vol. 1

What a violent, violent movie. And so many pop culture, nerd/geek/dork references! Not to mention the brief anime stint in the middle. And all the sword fighting! And the gun shooting, and the cool characters, and the general bad-assedness of Uma Thurman! Damn... good... movie. Ari, so it was a little weird - repeat, very weird. But it's Tarantino, if you didn't think it was going to be weird then you must live in some alternate reality that's cheap and worthless.... remind you of someone? Someone named you? The plot: Uma Thurman goes on a vengeance-capade of epic proportions. Action: Awesome sword fight reminiscent of the Matrix Reloaded's Agent Smiths vs. Neo battle. Except everyone was real. And there was a lot of blood. I love sword fights, weapons in general even, so I may be biased in saying damn these kicked ass. Music: Ari, so it was Spanish music in Japan - big deal! Its's Tarantino, and the music was awesome anyways. Just weird. But it fit very well with the mood and the action. Characters: Gogo was creepy... Black Mamba (Uma) was badass. Lucy Liu was... a regal sword-priestess kinda gal with a penchant for assassination. Well, noone's perfect! (She's soooo type-cast) And the guy from Kung Fu.... well, I'll be damned if you didn't get to see more than his hand. Camerawork: Um... I dunno, it just seemed to fit. What do I know about camera work? It seemed fine to me... Final Thought: If you don't mind gore and some weirdness, it's a great movie. It all works together very well, despite the weirdness. But beware of fat snoring guys who fall asleep throughout the whole movie. They can make hearing some of the dialogue rather difficult, and waking them up is a pain. But the biggest problem - it's only Volume 1... curse you movie sequels! Curse yooouuuu!

~DD Monday October 20, 2003 -11:36 AM

The Wiz

This is the fifth Hoof'n'Horn production I've seen in my years at Duke, though it's the seventh time I've gone to a show (I'm a sucker for reruns of good things). This one, by far, had the most complicated dances I've seen yet - and the choreography for those dances was quite awesome. The songs were very catchy, very jazz/ funk (and I swear some of them were tv show theme songs - Shaft and Charlie's Angels come to mind - and were played by an impressive pit (who was unfortunately hidden behind the stage). The actors did great jobs, and it's very hard to choose a favorite. Scarecrow was great and reminded me of Chris Tucker and Kel (from All That). He was great as the scarecrow and his movements were jerky and... scarecrow like. Good joke timing, too. But then came the Tin Man (who looked like Zach from Saved by the Bell) with the amazingly sexually-undertoned dances and more general perversion. Finally, the Lion (who reminded me of the plant from Little Shop... because he was) who was played by Farokh and just happens to be really good. He also reminded me of the Cat from The Red Dwarf tv show because it was the same dress style and everything. Good stuff. I thought I was stuck between those three, but then the flying monkey came on stage and wowed me with his Hispanic gang leader-monkey chatter. Good stuff, good stuff. The jokes in the show were all good, too. The music was great... the plot was the Wizard of Oz on funk. Music was awesome... (I'll specifically mention how cool the pianist was). All in all a great experience. Final Thought: Buy tickets if you haven't yet! Go to the show this weekend! And if you're reading this, and its no longer October, then just know that you missed a great show... Loser.

~DD Monday October 20, 2003 -11:11 AM

My Sassy Girl

Thank you SooJin and Fong for the great movie experience. Good times! Now, onto the review. This is essentially a romantic comedy, but a very unpredictable one. There's the obligatory break-up make-up stuff, but its very weirdly placed. The girl (that's her name) is a very weird, bitchy, diva kind of character at first, though you do get to know her better and find out that's not the case... well, not completely the case. The guy, Kyung-woo, is a pushover, pansy kind of guy, with a selfish streak in him. Now, both of these characters - I wanna make it clear that they're not "wussy, with a wonderful ability to bring out someone's creativity" or "bitchy diva with a heart of gold" or something like that. They're more realistic than that, much more, and very weird in their realism. Some things to remember: There's some necessary suspension of disbelief you're going to need to accustom yourselves to, because some things are just very weird. The beginning starts off in the present, then there's a flashback. Its got subtitles, unless you understand Korean or Cantonese, you'd best know how to read (wait, what're you doing reading this if you're illiterate! Curse your backwards logic!) Laugh at Kyung-woo, he's a real pansy. This kind of made the movie even better for me, but its all based on a true story. With the way things work out in the movie, it really makes you wonder what's possible, what's impossible, and how sometimes things really do work out. Of course, "work out" can mean very different things, so don't expect a classic romance ending. Oh, and be wary of people coming from the future. Final thoughts: Good movie! Cute, foreign, good story, and fun to watch. I can't believe Kyung-woo is a pop star... he's a better actor than our pop stars, that's for sure. Of course, he may have been reading his lines really badly, I couldn't tell. But, the way he was subtitled, superb. Heh.

~DD Sunday October 5, 2003 -2:23 AM

Hurricane Isabel

Yup, Hurricane Isabel sure hit North Carolina. Now, there were high expectations for Isabel - it was rated a 5 when it was only a few days away from the coast. Certainly, a force to be reckoned with: an Andrew-like force even. However, much to the weatherman's chagrin (normally they're infallible!) it became a 2 shortly before hitting North Carolina. Now, this meant that classes were not necessarily cancelled, which put a wrench in everyone's Thursday plans. Well, much to the students' fear (and the general publics' relief) the hurricane wasn't that bad, classes were scheduled to go on, and property damage would be kept minimal. But then... dun Dun DUN! Isabel decided to hit Durham rather solidly with its edge, causing high powered winds and a ton of rain. This caused classes to be cancelled after 3PM (my last class ends at 2:40, bastards!), and made students with afternoon classes before 3 suffer torrential rains and strong winds. I, being the brilliant student that I am, brought only three pairs of long pants and no long sleeve t-shirts. So, I was very cold. Ooh, and I had no waterproof objects with which to protect myself. So, I ended up using Eileen's "I'm Duke's Bitch!" Poncho. Yay! Well, the storm did get pretty bad after 3. There's a tree down outside my window (hi tree!) and there's branches down everywhere. Walking around feels like there's a horde of Lakitu's hanging out above the trees, just waiting to hit me with a spiky ball - or a branch. Whatever, but its the principle of the thing, sh'know? Final Thoughts: You don't predict a storm, you observe it and get out of its way. Oh, and wear a jacket, you don't wanna catch a cold. All should be better tomorrow.

~DD Friday September 19, 2003 -12:40 AM

Counting Crows & John Mayer

You'll notice this review is made at a very reasonable hour. Weird, neh? Anyways, this was at the Alltel Pavillion up in Raleigh, NC. Me, my bro, Fong and Eileen went in my car. Mike, Connie and John went in John's. The plan was to first hit up PF Chang's at the Crabtree Mall, eat our delicious Chinese food, and then go to the concert. Well, fortunately we called ahead cause the wait was about an hour. Unfortunately, when we got there (after several... um, detours) it'd been an hour and 5 minutes. So, we still had to wait. Well, we did finally eat our delicious Chinese food and then we took a scenic route (stupid Yahoo maps! I'll show you what for!) and made it to the concert only a half hour or so late. So, we missed the opening band but none of Counting Crows or John Mayer. So, Counting Crows first. Well, lemme begin by saying I'm not a fan of their's, I was here to see John Mayer and they were just there. Anyhow, I didn't particularly like the guy's voice live... it sounded kinda weird to me. Not only that, but I didn't think he was very charismatic, he just kinda went through a script kinda dealie, nothing funny, nothing in what he said particularly stood out. They did have some good songs - Big Yellow Taxi and A Long December were good. But... all in all I wasn't impressed. Sorry Counting Crows fans. Now, the reeeeeal show - John Mayer up on stage. He did his usual stuff (his voice was a bit more "breathy" than usual) but his songs were all great. He left out Neon, but that's cool. He mentioned Transformers, GI Joe, Ninja Turtles, the Forest moon of Endor and he said, "'cause for us Autobots and Decepticons danced on the same floor, there was just no other way". I think Mayer's a dork in disguise - and everyone thinks he's cool because he has good songs, but in reality he sits around playing Nintendo. Mayer played some new stuff, too. It was good - especially some of the guitar parts. I always thought he was a lead man who could strum, play some nice acoustic stuff. But, he can really bust out the guitar licks. There were some great solos, and even a jam-sounding part in the middle of one of the songs. He also sang along with his guitar, which sounded very cool because .. I dunno, it just did. You'd have to hear it to know exactly what I mean. The kicker, for me, was when Mayer decided he wanted to be as cool as Eminem, "I saw Eminem giving away stuff to the crowd at one of his concerts, so I thought to myself, 'Hey, I'm pretty rocking, too.' So, to show how bling-bling I am, I'm giving away this Epson ColorJet printer." He then went on to list the specs including the fact that it was a 275 dollar value. All to make fun of Eminem. Ahhhh... good jaerb Mayer. FINAL THOUGHT: Mayer rocks, Counting Crows are alright, and I need to relearn how to get around Raleigh. Stupid Inner/ Outer beltways. (And thanks to Eileen for the icon.)

~DD Saturday September 6, 2003 -10:13 AM

Cincinnati Masters Series

I only saw the last three days (quarter finals, semi finals, finals) so you'll have to pardon me for only reviewing the last three days partially. So... I guess this is a partial partial review. Bear with me here, yeah? First day I got to see Coria lose, as well as Zabaleta. Coria was playing badly, it just wasn't much of a contest for Mirnyi to whoop up. Zabaleta played well, but just couldn't compete with Roddick - who was way up to form. Also got to see Fish beat up Nalbandian, totalling up three Argentines losing in the first day. Harsh for the Hispanic in me.. *sniffle* They were good matches though, fun to watch. Rain that day made for some heavy delays though, causing all of us to get very very soaked. This was a pain, especially when the car was far far away in the mythical muddy land of "free parking lot." That was the biggest problem... parking was far away and it really was very very muddy after all the rain. Nonetheless, the days continued and Saturday saw Roddick take out Mirniy, the Bryans bros. take out Knowles & co, Fish beating up Schuettler, and Hanley/Arthurs taking out Mirniy/Bhupathi (who looks remarkably like Neal Rajapaksa from Charleston). Great matches, though the hilight was seeing the Bryans brothers play. It's very creepy - identical twins, one's left handed the other is right handed, and they act exactly the same. You could see them bounce in sync with each other, settle down into the same positions and even take a forehand exactly like the other. It was a mirror image... totally freaky. My predictions for the Finals were both relatively easy wins: Bryans' Bros for doubles and Roddick over Fish in singles. Well, Finals day came around - Bryans brothers had to put forth some strong effort, unexpected for me, but they did pull it out. Very cool. They also did a very brotherly kinda chest bump jump hug thing which I thought was very cool. Oh! And at one point one of the two brothers jumped up, did an overhead smash, and rolled backwards once he the ground. Very awesome move, even if it was an accident. So cool. The Roddick Fish match was the best on Sunday though. Damn... Fish pulled out the first set and it looked like he was going to put Roddick in his place. Then, second set goes into a tie break and Roddick manages to win with a little luck. Third set goes on, Fish has two match points, but Roddick pushes him away and it goes on to a tie break. Fish breaks Roddick's serve in the first point... FIsh looks like he has it, but then Roddick breaks Fish's serve twice and Roddick wins. Wow... what a great game. A great way to finish off the tournament, I've gotta say. All in all, the tourney was well worth the trip. Staying in the same hotel as the pros was a nice bonus, though I didn't get to really see any players since we onlny hit the last days. That and I have horrible luck with that sort of thing. It was awesome to see all the pro players from tv playing in front of you, and it gave you a real perspective on how much better they are than the local peoples. The heat was a hassle, I've gotta admit... but with some clever seat rearranging (i.e. sitting in empty seats) the shade could be found and used. Many drinks could also be purchased, though they were very expensive (Gatorade for 3 dollars? Holy feck!). The food was worse - which is why I only ate lunch on Friday and gave it up Saturday and Sunday. The burger I got on Friday was 8 bucks - I figured any more on food and I'd feel bad. Still a great tournament though. Final Thought - It takes some preparation to get through the heat and expensive food, but the matches are more than worth it. It's only in Cincinnati, a four hour drive or so, so it's totally doable and not prhoibitively expensive. Fun stuff, and a great "last act" before school starts.

~DD Monday 18 August 2003 -1:34 AM

The Silhouettes

You've gone to this link, right? Well, if you haven't it's a good web comic. Its simple and funny. Not one of the big ones, its actually done by Eileen - a good friend of mine. The comic usually stars the members of an a cappella group, the Silhouettes. Along the way, they've picked up a robot and a flying bunnie, as well as the ability to be shot to parallel universes when she needs time to update... Like Mario Bros. The best part of the comic is its updated almost every day, usually 6 times a week. The humor's consistently funny, and the art is consistently good. It's not inked, but it gives the pix personality without making them look sloppy. It's a good comic (I think better than my own) and you should all read it. Check out the rest of the site, too... especially the forums! Post there! Or I'll.. erm... sing for you! Haha!

~DD Thursday 14 August 2003 -2:50 AM

Fantasy Equilibrium Theory

Aright, so here's the deal. I've noticed that a lot of people have these deep fantasies they carry around - in particular I'm referring to sexual fantasies. Guys in particular (sorry fellow guys) sometimes have this weird urge to do things with their partner(s) that don't really seem logical. I mean, not to diss hetero-anal sex, but what? You do realize that's the out hole, right? Females have another hole that tends to produce more pleasure - not to mention is probably more accessible if you happen to ask for it. But nonetheless the guys carry these kind of fantasies around. The same applies to oral sex - if you want some, you'd better be willing to give some. Because of this unusual tendency I've decided on the "Fantasy Equilibrium Theory" that should decide these things, it's actually rather simple. Understand though that this is coming from someone (specifically me) who knows little compared to most people - that doesn't mean it's a bad theory though. Basically, if you want something you'd better be willing to have the same done to you. Want to have sex with your gal and her best friend at the same time? Hope you don't mind if your gal brings your best friend Jamal for your next session. Want some rear end action? Heh, well, I think you see where I'm going. It's only fair that in order to receive, you'd better give. Isn't that what Christmas is all about? Er, I mean... ignore that. In theory this also prevents abuse. I don't mean rape - I mean the abuse guys might put on their gals by requesting all kinds of weird ass fantasy kinky shit and then leaving their gal to just imagine what she'd like. Guys - maybe all she'd want is a really nice dinner, a trip to a play... that sorta thing. Maybe she wants to tie you up and have her way with you. Either way, don't expect anything without giving something is my point. Good theory, huh? It also applies to girls, though I don't think I've met a girl who had to ask for their guy to do something kinky... it tends to work the other way around, I think. Though I bet girls have some pretty crazy ideas, too if they just tell the guy I think he'd probably be up to it. (Just some advice to you ladies.... heheheh).

~DD Wednesday 13 August 2003 -2:50 AM

SWAT

SWAT was a great action movie - I thought better than Terminator 3 in the action, by far. Certainly more realistic than Bad Boys 2 as well. Street and Gamble are the two renegade-y cops and in a bank robbery they prevent, Gamble also happens to shoot a hostage in the arm. Both are kicked off SWAT, Gamble quits the force entirely. A few months later, Street is a clerk for SWAT and then Hondo, a SWAT member from the old days comes in and forms a squad of elite rookies. They're chosen, after completing several tests, to escort an internationally wanted criminal, but the criminal offers 10 mill to whoever can get him out. Hence, all the crazies come out of the woodwork. Not a great plot, but it isn't bad and certainly serves its purpose. What I liked about the movie was that the scenes seemed realistic. There weren't any landmines that selevtively killed people, no overuse of chase scene devices. The gun fights were good too, no rolling on the floor while killing 8 bad guys or anything like that. It was all very professional looking and very tactical. Also, the team of SWAT members is pretty interesting as well. Especially Chris Sanchez - the toughest fighter on the team, and also the short mexican female. Nice. Heheheheh. Final Thought - Great police movie; good, realistic action. The acting is also good, and though it does have LL Cool J, Samuel L. Jackson does not get eaten by a shark. Enjoy the movie! And, dude, am I the only one that thinks Colin Farrell must be having a really good year? He's been in five movies in just the last coupla months! Damn Irishman.

~DD Wednesday 13 August 2003 -2:47 AM

Bad Boys II

I really liked the first Bad Boys. I thought it was a great mix of comedy and action and Martin and Will did a great job. I went into the second one hoping for the same thing - I wasn't disappointed. That's not to say this was the best comedy/action I've seen this Summer - but it's still a very good movie. The biggest problems I had was just an overuse of some gags. I mean, things falling off trucks CAN be good, but you can only see it so many times before you just stop caring. The same can be said about Martin's whining - it's funny, but sometimes I just feel like telling him "I get the point." There's some things that could have been halved in volume and made the movie a lot better. The plot wasn't what I'd call the focus of the movie, but it did get the job done. There's this Cuban and he's got drugs. He's in Miami, Miami PD's home turf. Martin's sister, DEA, happens to be on the case as well. Hilarity ensues. SOme scenes really stand out among that hilarity - Martin on Ecstasy is one of the better ones, as is the shoot out in the Rastafarian house. The car chases, in my opinion, fall under the category of "overdone" I think we could have used less of. The final plot, convoluted as it is and ever so unlikely, is a good chance for action. I thought it was very cool, though like I said it would never happen in any world resembling the real one. But that's why we go to movies I guess, so what am I complaining about. Final Thought - About as good as the original Bad Boys, though perhaps a little more action oriented. Top 10 Summer movies, says I.

~DD Sunday 3 August 2003 -12:47 AM

Chronicles and Legends

I'm sure there's several of you who've read something by Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hickman. You may know them as the people who invented and wrote several Dragonlance books, some of the great new Fantasy books. I just want to go on and mention what I think of them, 'cause I just finished rereading them and therefore just finished remembering how great these books are. Chronicles is a great story about regular Heroes. Yeah, they're not your average persons - but they're not all powerful by any means, they aren't famous, they aren't renowned. Heck, some of them are barely what you could call "good" let alone "heroic." You have several drastically different instances of love - Princess to commoner, flighty girl to serious guy, unexperienced to experienced, gully dwarf to bordering on evil magician. You know, all the regulars. These relationships are great, but the biggest compliment I can give the book is that when someone dies I really feel for everyone involved. And people do die - not like in other books where someone almost dies, or dies temporarily. Important characters die. The authors are not afraid to convince you that a character is a stone pillar only to find out he/she was just cut down from behind. And, to boost, the book is very funny at times. I don't mean like heh, that's clever. I mean downright make you laugh out loud. Fizban and Tasslehoff are two of the greatest characters ever created. You argue with that, you're gonna get some fire shot up your posterior region... if I can just remember that spell... damn. On to Legends, in particular Weiss and Hickman's Test of the Twins trilogy. For anyone with a brother you're close to, this borders on creepy. The relationship between Caramon and Raistlin is... well, downright real. It's not all good, it's not all bad. It's what could only be called a real relationship. Not only that, but some of the twists are great, and the entire idea behind the plot is just... well, really awesome? I dunno, I nun writ english good. But it's really great, with evil trying to convert good trying to convert evil. And, wouldn't you know it, Tasslehoff is back in this one, too. Weiss and Hickman really love Tasslehoff Burrfoot - and with good reason. As one of the characters says, he carries a light that makes the dark parts and the light parts even better. And, though I bet few have thought of it this way, the entire Kender race is a group of passive Communists. They don't force people to see their way, they just passively "find" other people's belongings and, without argument, will share them or give them right back. Talk about Communism in action - if I saw this in the real world, I'd be Communist in a second. Anyhow, the entire trilogy is very moving and really makes you think. Final Thought: What great great books. And I want to be a Pirate Kender. With a topknot. And a hoopak. I wonder what that translates into, D&D wise? Hoopak... sling + staff combo? Masterwork. Yeah, I guess that would work. Nice.

~DD Saturday 26 July 2003 -2:05 AM

Eternal Darkness

I like the Resident Evil games. I don't love them, but I enjoy them. I like the Silent Hill games. Again, good stuff but not my favorite. Both suffer from their own problems (RE isn't scary and Silent Hill doesn't have enough action) and neither is my cup of tea. But . . . wow, Eternal Darkness. There's very little bad I can say about this game right now. The action's present and in decent quantities. The suspenseful aura surrounds everything, the plot's deep, the idea's awesome and is that HP Lovecraft's subtle manipulation? Ahhhh, it is. The story centers around a book - The Tome of Eternal Darkness - which has been connected to a group of people who in some way become entangled in a plot between the Elder Gods from the Outside. The book's stories travel through the centuries, all while one woman tries to solve the murder of her grandfather in the present. Swords, guns, spells, puzzles, zombies and demons all combine to make a creepy game. The best feature though is by far the Insanity Meter. Totally new concept - seeing enemies spawned from regions best left unnamed (I can't remember) lowers your sanity level causing you to hallucinate such wonderful things as sounds, sights, exploding heads or a power outtage. It really messes with you and keeps you guessing as to whether something is important or just your eyes playing tricks on you. Some of the tricks are really fecking mean, too *mutter*. Another very awesome aspect is that one of your earliest choices impacts the rest of the entire game - from cutscenes to enemies. And I don't mean like, "now you're wearing a hat." We're talking about who your enemy is. Deep stuff. Final Thought - This game's messed with my mind so much... I'm into the occult and demons and such in a "I like to read about it" way, and this game just appealed to me completely. I hope I can beat it tomorrow before I have to return it. Its the best of Resident Evil and Silent Hill with extra delicious touches.

~DD Saturday 19 July 2003 -12:54 AM

Monster Manual 3.5

WARNING EXTREMELY DORKY PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK A lot of people say that these books are just a way of ripping off money but after looking at them, I'd have to disagree. A lot of the changes may seem cosmetic, but in a session these "cosmetic" changes can save a helluva lot of time. To begin with, this bugger's 320 pages, 417 monsters, and a heckuva lot of pages worth of dork-dom. After an introductory explanation of what you'll find in each entry, they jump right into the monsters. Now, most of the monsters are repeated from the old manual - a new picture here and there to spice it up some. They expanded on some categories though - in particular Celestials, skeletons, zombies, animals and vermin got some major buffs in TSSW (Gemstone III reference, sorry). Celestials now include angels, archons, eldarins and guardinals. Skeletons now include wolf, owlbear, troll, chimera, ettin, megaraptor, cloud giant and red dragon in the list plus a nifty template. Zombies have been blessed with kobold, troglodyte, bugbear, ogre, minotaur, wyvern, umber hulk and gray render to beef up their ranks as well as their own template. Animals and vermin have way too many entries for me to reveal (now organized in such a way that you can find the entry and all pertinent information without leaving everyone waiting and eating pizza). There was also a very nice Swarm creature template added making a horde of rats, snakes, bats, bees, etc. a lesser pain in the ass for the DM and more of a pain in the ass for the players. Don't get fooled into thinking that's all the monster additions - but those're the ones I wanted to point out. I don't want to mention every new monster - after all, it's not the reason I like the book. The main reason is the plethora of information found in each entry now. Touch AC, Flatfooted AC, grapple BAB, single attack BAB, Full Attack BABs, and clearer feat and skill entries. Not enough? Well, every monster now comes with a short description you can feed your players when necessary. Still not feeling the happy-powder? Well, what if I said that some creatures have a play-by-play for the DM's to use to make the creature earn its Challenge Rating? Add in some very well drawn new pictures, and you've got a nice Monster Manual I think. Then at the end they toss in Feat lists, a Subtype listing, and detailed rules on creating and advancing creatures - just for good measure. That's not to say its all bunny rabbits, elves, pixies and nymphs (though those are all in there). The book has a few things I'm not happy with. For one, the play by play's not nearly as prevalent as I think it should be. I've only found two so far (Mind Flayer and Balor) and there're certainly some other creatures that could've used it. I also think they didn't change around the CR's as much as they should've in some cases. Some creatures are a well-known source of very difficult Challenges, and nothing seems to have been done about them. Honestly though, those're the only two problems I see with the book, in and of itself. The only other issue is the hefty price tag and the fact that its not an entirely new book. It isn't that different from 3.0, and perhaps you shouldn't get it unless you're making a hard switch to 3.5 or fell into some money. Certainly don't get this book if you're a player - its for DM's use primarily and as a player you'll just be spending money for nothing. Final Thought - I liked the book a lot and feel it was worth the money I spent on it. The changes are all for the better and the layouts been fixed very nicely. The hefty price tag is the biggest detriment to a purchase, closely followed by the fact that it isn't a completely new book.

~DD Saturday 19 July 2003 -12:06 AM

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

I had high hopes for this movie, and low expectations. I want every superhero movie to do very well for fear of the industry quitting on them, and I like Sean Connery. However, everything I'd heard about the movie pointed to it being rather bad. So, I went in with those mixed feelings and came out with a pretty weak opinion of the movie. A group of literary figures (Alan Quatermain, Dorian Gray, Mina Harker, Captain Nemo, Tom Sawyer, Dr. Jekyll and an Invisible Man) go to save the world from The Phantom, a figure of traditionally evil proportions. Their gifts combine to create a team to be reckoned with and they go on to save the world. Someone in the group turns out to be a spy, the bad guy's real plan is revealed, and the plot continues on. Honestly, despite some twists the plot is pretty weak. The reasoning falls short sometimes, and it just seems to be a long trek of "now we must go here!" kinda stuff. Also, the Phantom isn't particularly powerful, and his plans seem short-sighted at best. The special powers of the group aren't anything spectacular either - thus the only special effects consisted of the Invisible Man, the Nautilus and Mr. Hyde. None of these were spectacular, they were just as they had to be. Actually, I personally had issues with Mr. Hyde because after seeing the Hulk I think they could've done a much better job. Foam rubber suits just won't cut it anymore, says I. The humor and witty one-liners, though present, were not hilarious. No actor stood out above the rest, no character was particularly memorable. Tom Sawyer seemed almost tagged in, for that matter, just to fulfill the American stereotype that's necessary in any alright American film. Final Thought - Enjoy the movie, as I did, but don't expect miracles. Nothing spectacular here, and I don't think I'd want to see it twice. At least it wasn't a second Avengers though.

~DD Saturday 19 July 2003 -12:06 AM

Pirates of the Caribbean

When I saw Country Bears I was positive that movies based on Disney's rides were going to make me cringe whenever I heard of one. Then I started seeing previews for PotC - my mind was changed. Now I've seen the movie and I've gotta say I'm not disappointed in the least. Captain Jack Sparrow - the weirdest, wiliest pirate to sail the seven seas, yarrr. Johnny Depp does a great job, and I think he completely stole the show 'cause he was just that out there. Then there's the two main heroes - a blacksmith and a governor's daughter who love each other, but can't get together. Very cliche, but the movie isn't. Geoffrey Rush (can you believe he was in Shine?) plays Captain Barbossa - leader of a ship of cursed pirates who must search for Aztec gold to be freed. Avast me mateys! The action scenes were really good, I thought, with some nice sword fighting and brawling type things. The comedy was off the wall and usually involved Jack Sparrow or a duo of pirates. The special effects were very groovy, with moonbeams creating a "real perty" change in the pirates. But we can't forget that this is based on a Disney ride, albeit loosely. How many scenes from the ride can you spot in the movie, hmmmm? Remember the dog with the keys? What about the parrot: "Dead men tell no tales." You didn't forget about the lovely beach scene with the crab and the skeleton, did you? And I certainly hope you remember the song! Ah yes, the song! I thought it'd be in there for sure, and indeed it certainly was. The movie left me feeling like I was thoroughly pleased throughout the entire 2.4 hours, or so. Final Thought: What a great movie. I liked it better than T3 and loved the ride references. I hope Haunted Mansion is as good. I wanna be a pirate... *sigh*.

~DD Thursday July 10, 2003 -1:55 AM

Nautilus

I dunno why I hadn't done this earlier. As I'm sure most of you have noticed (only because I mention it on my journal) I've been hitting the gym. In particular Nautilus - though I think I'll cover working out in general since as near as I can tell all gyms are inherently similar. You know, weights, running things, bikes, steppers, and some aerobics classes. The basics. Well, to begin with I'm going to have to point out how lazy I am, as a rule. I don't usually "work out" or anything like that. So, I chose a gym as close to my house as possible. Its about a 5 minute drive, so I've got no reason not to go time-wise. I've also got the desire to shape up and ship out, so motivation wise I'm set as well. The next big deal is other things to do. I've got very few "other things to do" because I have no life, making the gym an ideal time sink. Not to mention it leads to more positive results than "I so beat the crap out of that guy at WarCraft III." I mean, sure, a victory's impressive but amazing WarCraft III "skizzles" are not highly sought after in the "real world" so I guess the gym can be said to have more of an impact in that sense. Well, so far I haven't missed a day in a month - except for that one beach week, but shhh keep that quiet. That's not shabby for me. I couldn't tell you how much I bench or lift or whatever, its not important to me I guess, but I can tell you that I can lift more now than I could at first. I think I actually see muscles in areas most people take for granted. Deltoids, biceps, triceps, chestial area, backial area, you know, muscle areas. And I know I can run more than I use to be able to. The first time I went the trainer showed me a good routine, so I've pretty much stuck with that. 15 minutes of elliptical (about 1.5 miles) then leg presses, leg extension, leg flex. That's the part that trains "the legs" or some such technical term. Then I do row machine, chest press, shoulder press, and biceps and triceps. I thought this was the "arm" portion of the workout, but apparently it's also the chestial and backial areas. Finally, I hit the abs and lower back, as well as the ab rotation thingie. Abs I actually had at one point two summers ago - sadly they went the way of the unicorn, but I think I'm regaining them. King Haggard just had them hidden, I guess. Heheh. Oh, and then 15 more minutes on the elliptical to finish the day off. Afterwards I'm usually sore enough that I don't want to play a hard game of tennis, though DDR is still perfectly fine. I do this 3 times a week, takes about 1.5 hours including the drive and everything. All in all its actually enjoyable. I feel better the rest of the day if I've managed to tire myself out at some point. And it makes food taste better too, which is always nice. I loves me some food, especially home cooking. Oooh yeah. Final Thought: Gyming is good physically and mentally, so don't quit Camilo you lazy bastard. *shakes fist!*

~DD Thursday July 10, 2003 -12:50 AM

Karaoke!

As you can see in the update, today involved a trip to Unos Chicago Grill - home of Tuesday night karaoke here in Charleston. So, here I am reviewing Unos and its karaoke. Well, to begin with you have to look at the customers. A good 90% love country like its dying out (which we all fervently wish was the case). Needless to say, that measn there were a lot of country singers with that delightful country twang to their voices - you know, the one that sounds like yodeling in the middle of a word. Despite that fact - drunken rednecks/hillbillies singing songs was pretty interesting, even moreso when they chose a good song like "Time in a Bottle" or "Margaritaville". It certainly helped the clientele, in my opinion, that there were about 14 of my good friends hanging out there, too. Their choice in songs was much better - albeit not impeccable (like mine). I did sing a song - of course, it was the only way. "Here I Go Again", our Senior song, was sung along with almost all my peeps who were there. Ronnie, poor guy, was going up to sing "Ants Marching" by DMB with a friend - alas, the friend ditched and Ron was up there by himself. He didn't do very well... if I'd known the song, I would've helped him out. As it was, I was clueless. Sorry Ron. So, the experience of singing was good, another positive for the place. In addition, several of my friends managed to acquire alcoholic beverages slightly before their time, so I'm sure they appreciated that. Hmm... what else... Oh! I intend to go back again and sing by myself/with one friend. Our choice of song, I fully intend to make a fool of myself. Maybe I'll need some tequilas in me, a driver to help me back, who knows... I think I'd enjoy letting go every so often - though not to the point of insanity. Final Thought: Unos gets my full thumbs-up. Despite a lot of country singing, the times were good and the friends were tight. Thanks Kate.

~DD Wednesday July 9, 2003 -2:50 AM

WarCraft III: Frozen Throne

Ah Blizzard. You've never done me no wrong...or, that would mean, two negatives, ever done me... well, Blizzard's good is what I'm trying to say here. They've come through in yet another amazing game. WarCraft III was good, but now with the expansion I can only say it's gotten a lot better. Right now I'm playing through the single player games, and even if that were all I was going by the game would be great. The story-line is good and I just keep playing to see what's going down next. I'm enjoying it, is what I'm trying to get at here. In particular, though I suspect anyone who's still reading this review already knew this, there are two new units and a new hero per race. There's also one entire new race (non-playable in multiplayer), a partial second new one (also non-playable), and five neutral heroes you can purchase at Taverns found on certain maps (because when you're trying to find a demonic lieutenant of Hell, there's no where better to look than your nearest Irish pub). Blizzard's also gone and changed a lot of the resource dynamic, requiring much more lumber to keep an effective army throughout the game. Creeping's also down since they give less experience to your heroes, and a general feel of thoughtfulness has gone into all the changes. I like, yes I do preciousss. Of course, don't forget to click on the units a lot to hear their delightful voices raised in such battle cries as "Fear my moo of fury!" and "No sink will be safe. World domination!". Blizzard, let me count the ways I love thee. Or, well, let me... do it mentally. There we go. Final Thought - If you like Real-Time Strategy get this expansion.

~DD Tuesday July 8, 2003 -11:30 AM

Terminator 3

I'm sure a lot of people have been waiting since Terminator 2 to be able to see how they made a sequel. Plenty of convoluted plans and theories about how "Judgement Day" could still come around, despite the destruction of the T-101 and T-1000, were made. It's too bad the writers decided to jump over all those hurdles without, it would seem, much consideration. Don't get me wrong, it was a great movie. The action scenes were great, the story-line was good, the special effects - oh yeah. But the movie did have some problems. Well, to begin with there's John Connor (Nick Stahl), of course. Then there's the T-X (played by the popularly hot Kristanna Loken) who comes to *gasp!* kill John Connor, as well as some other people. Enter Kate Brewster (played by Juliet - Claire Danes) a veterinarian. Now, of course, Kate and John knew each other from before, which is important in some mysterious fashion, and proceed to meet again to escape from the T-X, with the help of none other than John's old friend the T-101 (Arnold, duh). Well things proceed, and as it happens Kate's dad happens to be the high muckity muck in charge of SKYNET and due to a virus things start to go downhill for humanity. Now, so far so good - everything is setup just right for another Terminator movie akin to the days of yore. The problem is, what the funk happened that let the government just continue making Terminators? I mean, sure, there's that whole "if the Terminators were sent from future A to change the past, future A would change to future B and therefore future A's Terminators could never have changed the past" but we have to assume that's not the case here since John Connor's father was sent back in time by John Connor - despite the fact that John wouldn't have existed unless he sent his father back. How messed up is that? Anyways, we have to assume that time travel is just a thing that happens here. But without Cyberdyne who made the AI? Who created the Terminators? Why do they only send Terminators back when the machines send their own back? What kind of hard drives do the Terminators use (I want me one of those!)? Why does the resistance keep sending back such a shitty Terminator (my guess is G-Dub spent all the money and the human resistance has been short on cash ever since)? Lots of unanswered questions and skipped over plot holes is the biggest problem I have with the movie. There's a lot more good though - actually, most people probably wouldn't notice the writing FUBARs at all. In particular, there's a couple of good jokes/ running gags throughout the movie and the T-X's effects are great. The liquid metal is done much more nicely, and she is just generally badass as the Terminator. Final Thought - You should see this movie, but realize that it's an action movie and watch it as such. Oh, and me and my friends saw this at a different theater, so there was nowhere to stand around and talk about beastiality - sorry guys, gals, and burros.

~DD Tuesday July 8, 2003 -11:10 AM

28 Days Later - After Movie

As a tradition, after a movie we all go and stand outside the movie theater and talk for at least 30 minutes. Its the Camilo Inertia theorem at work. If any of you recall, it used to happen at dinner and lunch quite a bit as well at college. Well, I just have to mention right here, right now, that noone is better at bringing up an oddball conversation than Alex. He really says things so out there that its amazing, especially since usually its just in there enough that the conversation topic actually changes to whatever he said. Too bad for him, Mike took the cake this time for off-hand comment, though Alex did win for most disgusting mental image. Well, it began with talk of the movie. To the side, a group of middle school kids was rolling change down the parking lot. We discussed chasing after the change, desperate for money as we are - college students, you understand. A goth girl there, whom I don't know, mentioned that necrophilia scenes were cut out ot House of A Thousand Ghosts", and that she really wanted to see those scenes. I pointed out that necrophilia scenes could be used to spruce up all kinds of movies - Forrest Gump, Fried Green Tomatoes, Moulin Rouge - you know, movie movies. Later, South Park came up - I can't remember why. Nonetheless, we arrived at the Southpark detailing Lemmiwinks passage through the rectum of a gay leather-clad teaching assistant. Me and Alex, delving into the curiosities of such an act, pointed out that if a gerbil were shoved into your ass, it would probably start clawing, biting, and generally fighting for its defense, causing much pain in your normal human anal passages. At this point, Mike interjected - "No, you have to put it in a plastic baggie first." About 5 seconds later me and Alex, realizing that Mike has a source of information for this kinda thing, backed off very quickly. Mike had to do some fast talking to explain himself. Well, the conversation continued on through the usual list of topics: "fish fetish," "Troy McClure," "Family Guy and blowholes," "how stupid British Military is," "how creepy goth girl was," "what people were doing running to the empty lot behind the theater," "midget porn," "Crazy Mitch's crazy porn shop," "working at a porn shop," "fish anuses," - like I said, usual stuff. Well, in an effort to top the anal gerbil expedition Mike brought up, Alex told us all about this delightful video he once saw on Fox. Well, I hate to go into the details, but its the only way that you can quite understand the grandeur of the visual image he brought into our heads. There's a fellow on a farm, he's going to the bathroom, or taking a shit as it were. He's reading his newspaper, has his pants around his ankles when along comes a donkey. Now, understand, this isn't just any donkey - this is a donkey with a mission, a real feckin' mission. He's looking for love. So, he approaches the man, and lets just say that the man could tell that this donkey was standing at attention (with a length of two or three feet judging by the blur.) So, the man grabs up his pants and starts scooting away, newspaper in hand. Now, at this point I can only imagine the donkey's thinking, "Ooh boy, this gal's playin' hard to get. Look at 'er, pants unzipped only one hand holding it up . . . she's begging for it." Well, donkey (no relation to Shrek's donkey) decides that its time to chase down his 'gal and goes after the guy (who still doesn't drop the newspaper). Guy tries to push donkey away, donkey is just too filled with the power of his love for this guy. Guy's pants fall down, guy falls down, donkey gets on top, and well, apparently the donkey stuck his three foot long burrito into the poor guy's enchilada. And started going at it. Now, if you're picturing this correctly you should have a donkey on top of a hillbilly with his pants down, face down in the dirt, and the donkey is cornholing the poor farmer like he's the last donkey on earth and this guy needs to bear his children. I think it was at this point that I went blind temporarily, as the image burned its way through my frontal lobe, through the midbrain and the brain stem, straight through to the occipital lobe and out the back end of my skull, though certainly the image left its mark. Well, after this point there was nowhere to go but down, and we talked a bit longer, realized we were the last cars left, and yahooed at our temerity. Yes, we outlasted the employees. So, then we left, after seeing a cat that looked suspiciously dog-like and remains as of yet on the loose and unidentified. Final Thought: Never take a crap near a donkey, never stuff a gerbil up your ass without a Ziploc, and always beware of goth girls who's idea of a good movie involves necrophilia. Also, if you think about the conversation, there's a very good reason everyone was gone when we'd finished.

~DD Monday June 30, 2003 -11:59 PM

28 Days Later

Have you ever wondered how a group of slow moving, mindless, decayed zombies ever became a threat to humanity in all those zombie movies? I mean, it looks like I could run a circle around them with a long knife and slice them up good. But, somehow, the people always sequester themselves into a house with breakable doors and windows, not to mention thin hallways and no way of escaping. And then they die. Seriously, what the hell are they thinking? Doesn't seem particularly bright to me, is all I'm saying. A few handguns and some well placed bullets should take care of the slow moving targets. Hell, even I could probably hit the zombie in the head before it got to me. This movie corrects this problem by making the zombies move, and this is a new paradigm in zombie thinking, quickly! Yes, thanks to the wonders of digital cameras, the zombies moe in a jerky, lightning fast manner that makes them actually scary. Toss in diseased blood, a British coma patient, some zombie killers, and a family of two and you have yourself a good zombie movie. Just starting the movie you realize its going to be pretty creepy, a monkey stares at a group of monitors showing the worst in human tragedy and travesty. In fact, I think if you look hard enough you can just make out George W.'s face somewhere in there . Kidding . . . kidding . . . but it SHOULD be there is what I'm saying. Heh, needless to say, the movie degenerates from there, and 28 days later England's in shambles, Hell, all of Great Britain's in shambles. In fact, almost noone's alive, except for a few daring individuals. Though, I have to wonder how they lived so long as they seem to ignore some really safe hidey holes, like the top floor of a building, baricade the entrance and jimmy an elevator out of some wire and a box. Protect yourself MacGuyver style, you know? This movie also showed me just how bad British infantry is. I mean, they couldn't defend against zombies, and they're supposed to stop humans attacking? Seriously. And then towards the end a nice symbolic moment - the Rage is inside us all. Or some such. Final Thought: Best Zombie movie ever, go see it if you don't mind being creeped somewhat. Oh, and they mention the Simpsons, which is my hidden criteria for an A+ movie experience. Oh, and if you're missing pasty white british ass, this movie should fill your quota.

~DD Monday June 30, 2003 -10:50 PM

Oral-B

Here's the toothbrush I use. Its "ergonomically designed" and has "indicator bristles" so that if you're too dense to figure out when your toothbrush is a little worn down (Hint: when the bristles look like David Letterman's front teeth). That's not all though, the end of the toothbrush is just big enough to NOT fit through the holders on the toothbrush holders, and the handle is clear. That's right, clear. So, take that all you people with opaque toothbrushes! And have I mentioned that it cleans teeth? I guess I forgot about that. Well, it does. And it helps your breath smell fresh, and prevents gingivitis by, um, massaging your gums. But not that kind of massage. Oh no. Its all decent above the table sorta stuff. Unless the gums were to slip the bristles a coupla bucks. Then . . . oh yeah. Let's just say I wouldn't wanna be looking into the mouth then. I hear those gums like a lot of tongue action. Boo ya. Final Thought: Brush your teeth at least once a day, preferably twice a day. Thanks for the review idea Blair.

~DD Saturday June 28, 2003 -9:50 PM

The Hulk

If you haven't seen The Hulk you probably should. Its not my favorite superhero movie, but I think that's not the fault of the movie makers but of the Hulk's character. Its a lot harder to identify with a giant green behemoth that goes into a rage than it is to identify with, lets say, a poor college kid. That's not to say there's isn't some identification with the Hulk. I think the filmmakers did a great job of making you feel that the Hulk's explosive emotions could be found in anyone - the Hulk was just an extreme case. The scenes where the Hulk would stop and look around, or just seem to be enjoying himself, made me feel like the Hulk was just a giant kid who happened to be able to kick everyone's ass. Like me. Oh no, wait, the opposite of me. Ah well. That being said, it was a great action movie and even had some mysteries to be solved. The villains weren't pure evil, a la Green Goblin, and everyone seemed human. I think that's a common failing of action movies nowadays - the bad guy's always completely bad. Not here - even evil dad still loved his family very much. I think that's good. You should be able to understand the villain as well as the hero. Also, the action in the movie was great. The special effects were top-notch. Honestly, that was my only fear for the movie. If the Hulk's rendering was done badly, the whole thing would suck. As it is, they did an awesome job and the Hulk's strength, size, power, and humanity were all shown perfectly. Much better than Joe Ferigno's sad Hulkishness in the old show. Final Thought: See the movie. It won't be your favorite superhero flick, but its very good.

~DD Saturday June 28, 2003 -9:30 PM

Poodle Hat

My first review, exciting. Poodle Hat by Weird Al Yankovic is one weird album. Though I figure from the name of Weird Al you may have guessed that. This thing has some great songs on it, moreso just because I happen to get almost all the references and little gets past me this time. He's one clever bastard, too. Just listen to Bob to see what I mean. Anyways, down to the songs. 1.Couch Potato - Lose Yourself with lyrics about tv. Its a great song with some crafty rhyming. Mentions so many popular tv shows, I think everyone'll catch most of what he's saying. Great stuff, and the song's a vast improvement when you don't have to hear Eminem singing. 5.Angry White Boy Polka - A great mix of songs, in my opinion. You just hear so many of them mixed into a polka/jazz kinda beat, and its funny to hear popular songs screwed with like that. The Strokes, White Stripes, Eminem, Rage against the Machine . . . tons of funny music. 6.Wanna B Ur Lovr - This is basically a long list of pick-up lines and innuendo, along with stupid lovesong things all done to a sorta funk jazz beat. "I wanna be your hot burrito" is a personal favorite. 7.A Complicated Song - Avril Lavigne's Complicated is ripped apart here. He just grabs whatever he can find that rhymes with complicated and tosses it together into a pretty sad story about his life. I mean, he's constipated, has girl and family problems, is decapitated, mutilated, and irritated. Sad sad stuff. And its an Avril Lavigne song, so its good to begin with. 8.Why Does This Always Happen to Me - Talk about a twisted song. This one's up there with The Night Santa Went Crazy. He goes through a list of tragedies and asks God why his life had to be interrupted by these horrible things happening to other people. It mentions The Simpsons, too, so it has to be good. And it is. 9.Ode to a Superhero - Piano Man is turned into a song about Spiderman. Ah . . . how amazing. "Sling us a web, you're the Spiderman. Sling us a web tonight. . ." 10.Bob - A blatant mockery of Bob Dylan in general, with a very awesome twist to the lyrics. It sounds like its all gibberish, but there's a pattern. Its so cool when you figure it out. 11.E-Bay - The Backstreet Boys are finally a target of Weird Al's, and he goes straight through to making fun of E-Bay as well. Great stuff, especially if you're an E-Bay addict. Don't get me wrong, the other songs are good too, but those stand out. Also, Weird Al's touring and he's supposed to be great live. Catch him if you can! Final Thought: Get the album, its worth the money if you enjoy funny songs and some pop culture references.

~DD Saturday June 28, 2003 -9:10 PM