Quotes

I started keeping a file of quotes in 1992, because, well, everyone else was. I don't really know why I kept it up or who I expect to read the silly thing, but here it is anyway.

So when you think its time to go,
Don't be surprised,
The heros never show
		---"Waterhole", Marillion

"The point is that in his article people are divided into two classes, the
"ordinary" and the "extraordinary".  the ordinary ones must live in submission
and have no right to trangress the laws, because, you see, they are ordinary.
And the extraordinary have the right to commit any crime and break every kind
of law just because they are extraordinary."
		--- Crime and Punishment

I just want to be free, I'm happy to be lonely
Can't you stay away?
Just leave me alone with my thoughts.
Just a runaway, just a runaway
I'm saving myself
. . . 
Some of us go down in a blaze of obscurity
Some of us go down in a haze of publicity
The price of infamy, the edge of insanity
. . .
There's a presence here
I feel [I] could have been ancient
I could have been mystical
. . . 
There's a presence
A childhood, my childhood
My childhood, childhood, a misplaced childhood
		---"Blind Curve", Marillion

could i mistake myself for someone
who lives behind my eyes?
			---"Diary of a Madman"
But I have grown older,
And you have grown colder,
And nothing is very much fun, anymore.
			---"One of My Turns"
Hey you,
Out there in the cold,
Getting lonely, getting old,
Can you feel me?
. . . 		
The wall was too high, as you can see.
No matter how he tried he could not break free.
And the worms ate into his brain.
. . . 
Don't tell me there's no hope at all.
Together we stand, divided we fall.
			---"Hey You"

I got electric light,
And I got second sight.
Got amazing powers of observation.
And that is how I know,
When I try to get through,
On the telephone to you,
There'll be nobody home.
. . . 
I've got wild, staring eyes.
And I got a strong urge to fly,
			---"Nobody Home"

I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?
. . .             
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb. 
			----"Comfortably Numb"

From "Chess" :

"Never take a strangers advice
Never let a friend fool you twice
Nobody's on nobody's side
Everybody's playing the game
But nobody's rules are the same"

"Thats the problem -- he's a brilliant lunatic"

"When I was nine, I learned survival
Taught myself not to care
I was my single good companion
Taking my comfort there
Up in my room, I'd planned my conquests
On my own, never asked for a helping hand
No one would understand
I never asked the pair(?) who fought below
Just in case they said no
Pity the child who has ambition
Knows what he wants to do
Knows that he'll never fit the system
Others expect him to
Pity the child who knew his parents
Saw their faults, saw their love die before his eyes
Pity the child that wise
He never asked 'Did I cause your distress?'
Just in case they said yes ...
Pity the child, but not forever
Not if he stays that way
He can get all he ever wanted
If he's prepared to pay"

"Nothing could be worse than self-denial"

"Though we're all for basic human rights, it makes you wonder what they built
the Berlin wall for ... who do these foriegn chappies think they are?"


Cause I'm the one who knows what scares you
I'm the one that loves you best
			---"Univited Guest", Marillion

You have no right
To ask me how I feel
You have no right
To speak to me so kind
We can't go on, holding onto time   
So for now, we'll go on living seperate lives
			---"Seperate Lives"

Good morning, The Worm, Your Honour,
The Crown will plainly show,
The prisoner who now stands before you,
Was caught red-handed showing feelings.
Showing feelings of an almost human nature.
This will not do.
			---"The Trial"

  It's been a mystery, and still they try to see 
  Why somethin' good can hurt so bad 
  Caught on a one-way street, the taste of bittersweet 
  Love will survive somehow some way 
  
  One love feeds the fire 
  One heart burns desire 
  I wonder, who's cryin' now 
  Two hearts born to run 
  Who'll be the lonely one 
  I wonder, who's crying now 
  
  So many stormy nights, so many wrongs or rights 
  Neither could change their 
  Headstrong ways 
  And in a lover's rage, they tore another page 
  The fightin' is worth the love they save... 
  
  One love feeds the fire
  One heart burns desir
  I wonder, who'se cryin' now
  Two hearts born to run 
  Who'll be the lonely one 
  I wonder
  Only so many tears you can cry 
  'till the heartache is over  
  And now you can say your love.... 
  Will never die... 
  			"Whos Crying Now", Journey

Just a small town girl
Living in a lonely world
She took the midnight train going anywhere
Just a city boy
Born and raised in South Detroit
He took the midnight train going anywhere

A singer in a smoky room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

{Refrain}
Strangers, waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion
Hiding somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Paying anything to roll the dice
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

{Refrain}

Don't stop believing
Hold on to that feeling
Streetlight people
			"Don't Stop Believin'", Journey

If only I had the words to tell you
If only you had the time to understand
Though I know it wouldn't change your feelings
And I know you'll carry on the best you can
			"If Only I Had the Words", Bill Joel

Like a million little doorways
All the choices we made
All the stages we passed through
All the roles we played

For so many different directions
Our separate paths might hve turned
With every door that we opened
Every bridge that we burned

Somehow we find each other
Through all that masquerade
Somehow we found each other
And somehow we have stayed
In a state of grace

I don't believe in destiny
Or the guiding hand of fate
I don't believe in forver
Or love as a mystical state

I don't believe in the stars or the planets
Or angels watching from above
But I believe there's a ghost of a chance
To find someone to love
And make it last

Like a million little crossroads
Through the backstreets of youth
Each time we turn a new corner
A tiny moment of truth

For so many different connections
Our separate paths might have made
With every door that we opened
Every game we played
			---"Ghost of a Chance", Rush

You're never going to square with me I know so what is there to say?
When there's a million words that we could share at night, why do you walk away?
And I could write you off and it's over with.
Like a damaged car I can't afford to fix.
But everything inside me wants to heal your pain.
You won't explain, you won't explain.
How can it hurt if I don't understand?
			---"How Can It Hurt?", Marillion
-------------
Neat quotes from "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man":

"'But I'm curious to know, are you trying to make a convert of me or a pervert
of yourself?'" (Stephen)

"Away then: it is time to go.  A voice spoke softly to Stephen's lonely heart,
biding him go and telling him that his friendship was coming to an end.  Yes;
he would go.  He could not strive against another.  He knew his part."

"'Tell me, for example, would you deflower a virgin'"? (Cranly)
"'Excuse me, is that not the ambition of most young gentlemen?'" (Stephen)

"'I will not serve that in which I no longer believe whether it call itself my
home, my fatherland or my church: and I will try to express myself in some mode
of life or art as freely as I can and as wholly as I can, using for my defence
the only arms I allow myself to use--silence, exile, and cunning.'" (Stephen)

" STEPHEN: 'You made me confess the fears that I have.  But I will tell you
also what I do not fear.  I do not fear to be alone or to be spurned for
another or to leave whatever I have to leave.  And I'm not afraid to make a
mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake and perhaps as long as an
eternity too.'
CRANLY: 'Alone, quite alone.  You have no fear of that.  And you know what the
word means?  Not only to be seperate from all others but to have not even one
friend.'
STEPHEN: 'I will take that risk.'
CRANLY: 'And not to have anyone person who would be more than a friend, more
even than the noblest and truest friend a man ever had.'  
/* His words seemed to have struck some deep chord within his own nature. Had
he spoken of himself, of himself as he was or wished to be?  Stephen watched
his face for some moments in silence.  A cold sadness was there.  He had spoken
of himself, of his loneliness which he feared. */
STEPHEN: 'Of whom are you speaking?'
/* Cranly did not answer */"
-------------------------------
 
I realise I hold the key to freedom,
	I cannot let my life be ruled by threads
The time has come to make decisions
	the changes have to be made
			---"The Web", Marillion

So here I am once more in the playground of the broken hearts
   one more experience, one more entry in a diary, self penned
Yet another emotional suicide overdosed on sentiment and pride
   Too late to say I love you, Too late to restage the play
Abandoning the relics in my playground of yesterday
			---"Script for a Jester's Tear", Marillion

We are young
Wandering the face of the earth
Wondering what our dreams might be worth
Learning that we're only immortal --
For a limited time
			---"Dream Line", Rush

One of these days and it won't be long
He'll no more about me than he should
All my dreams will be understood
No surprise, Nothing more to learn from the look in my eyes
Don't you know that time is not my friend
I'll fight it to the end
			---"Heaven Help My Heart", Chess


The words that I remember from my childhood still are true
That there's none so blind as those who will not see
And to those that lack the courage and say its dangerous to try
Well they just don't know that love eternal will not be denied
		--- I Know You're Out There Somewhere, Moody Blues

I know how hard it can be to wait
For proof you were right all along
Self destruction is easy for you
We know what you're capable of
		--- Holloway Girl, Marillion

Do I really need to ask you?
I'm sure that you know by now,
Do we just play a game where we try to pretend
That all that's between us is all that's between us
And all we can rely on is just being good friends
	       --- Just Good Friends, Fish

If you really knew how I felt
You wouldn't need to be here
Asking those questions
Those irritating questions
	      --- Tongues, Fish

"... And then everything swam away on dark currents to the places where dreams
     dwell when they're not being used ..."  
			--- "Eye of Cat", Roger Zelazny

  "The purpose of life is to stay alive.  Watch any animal in nature--all it
tries to do is stay alive.  It doesn't care about beliefs or philosophy.
Whenever any animal's behavior puts it out of touch with the realities of its
existence, it becomes extinct."
  "Maybe there is a higher truth than merely staying alive."
  "There isn't."
			--- "Congo", Micheal Crichton 

I can't offer you proof
But you're gonna face a moment of truth
Its hard when you're always afraid
You just recover when another belief is betrayed
So break my heart if you must
Its a matter of trust
			---Billy Joel, "Matter of Trust"

"And I raise my head and stare
Into the eyes of a stranger
I've always known that the mirror never lies
People always turn away
From the eyes of a stranger
Afraid to know
What lies behind the stare..."
		Queensryche, "Eyes of a Stranger"

Suffering and pain are always obligatory on those of wide intellect and
profound feeling.
			--- "Crime and Punishment"

If you convince a man logically he has nothing to cry for, he will stop crying.
Thats clear.  Or don't you think he will stop?
			--- "Crime and Punishment"

Enemies fill up the pages
are they me
Monday to Sunday
set me free
			--- "Diary of a Madman"

Delusions of grandeur
Visions of splendour
A manic depressive
He walks in the rain
			---Rush, "Cinderella Man"

Who could ever count the miles between us
But now I know its true
Imagine if I said
			---Information Society, "Think"

I think you had somebody waiting outside in the rain
			---Gordon Lightfoot, "I'm not supposed to care" 

All lies and jests, still a man hears what he wants to hear, and disregards the
rest.
			---"The Boxer"

We hurt the ones we love the most, its a subtle form of compliment.
			--- "I don't Care"

I'm learning things I didn't want to know . . . I wish i had it in me not to
care.
			---"Chess"

Why? Why? Why?
			--- Chris "Is a god but doesn't know it" Jeris
			--- Eric "Too hard to sum up in quotes" Stuckey

You might think I'm crazy/ all I want is you
			--- something on the radio
			recently identified to me as being:
	"You might think I'm crazy, all I want is you."
        --"You Might Think", the Cars
	(thanks Jeremy...:)

You get the gold coins from the corpse of a wandering minstrel.
			--- seen on Christy's screen over her shoulder

No, Don't pass me by
See, I can see good things for you and I
			--- Radio again
	

In a way, every parent seeks to dominate his child and is in danger of seeking
to sacrifice him to his parental plans or hopes.
			-- something we read in english

You jab me in the kidneys like,
a compass or an iron spike,
but I can't help belief in you,
because I love the things you do.
			---"Ghost of Light", Robyn Hitchcock

Well there's nothing in the future,
and there's nothing in the past.
There is only this one moment,
and you've got to make it last,
and you were laughing in a glass hotel.
			---"Glass Hotel", Robyn Hitchcock

Don't look so frightened
This is just a passing phase
One of my bad days
			--- _The Wall_, Pink Floyd

Don't you cry?  Don't you feel?
I wonder sometimes if you are real
			--- Melissa Etheridge

True love best recognizes itself and, so to speak, measures and calculates
itself by the pain and suffering of which it is capable
			---Jose Ortega Y Gasset

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the desperation you cause me, and I
detest the tranquility in which I lived before I knew you.  I clearly know what
the solution to all my troubles would be.  I would be free of them all the
moment I stopped loving you.  But what a solution!  No, I prefer suffering to
forgetting you. . . . Good-bye; love me always and make me suffer still
greater tortures.
			---Mariana Alcoforado

There once was ... you've heard this one? Oh never mind...
		---Mikke "Thats two K's! wait no! its two..." KKimit

A smurf-shaped rock being biochemically changed into a pathogenic bacterium.
			---Me and Dottie in Organic Chemistry

 In every heart there is a room  
 A sanctuary safe and strong 
 To heal the wounds from lovers past 
 Until a new one comes along 
  
 I spoke to you in cautious tones 
 You answered me with no pretense 
 And still I feel I said too much 
 My silence is my self defense 
  
 And every time I've held a rose 
 It seems I only felt the thorns 
 And so it goes, and so it goes  
 And so will you soon I suppose 
  
 But if my silence made you leave 
 Then that would be my worst mistake 
 So I will share this room with you 
 And you can have this heart to break 
  
 And this is why my eyes are closed 
 It's just as well for all I've seen 
 And so it goes, and so it goes 
 And you are the only one who knows 
  
 So I would choose to be with you 
 That's if the choice were mine to make 
 But you can make decisions too 
 And you can have this heart to break 
  
 -Billy Joel, "And so it goes" 

"And the heartache
The risk you run
The chance you take
When you love someone
And the sorrow
For the lonely one
When the heartache comes
And the darkness falls
And the rain comes down
In the midst of spring
There's a sadness in the heart of things..."
		-Warren Zevon, "The Heartache"

From "Crime and Punishment", Dostoyevsky :

"A man holds the fate of the world in his hands, and yet, simply because he is
afraid, he just lets things drift ... "

"It sometimes happens that we find ourselves interested from the first glance
at complete strangers, even before we have spoken to them . . . But there was
something strange about him; his eyes had an almost rapturous shine, they
seemed to hold both intelligence and good sense, but gleams of something like
madness showed in them as well."

" 'Nevertheless, knowing in advance that he will give you nothing, you turn
   your steps towards him and ...'
  'But then why go?'
  'But if you have nobody else, no other place, to turn to! Every man must
   needs have somewhere to turn to.  For there comes a time when it is
   absolutely essential to turn somewhere' "

"We lived quite peacably together and she was always quit satisfied with me.
In all our seven years of marriage I used the whip only twice altogether(not
counting a third, quite equivocal occasion) : once, two months after our
marriage, immediately after we arrived in the country, and again this last
time.  And did you think I was such a tyrant, a reactionary, a slave driver?
Ha, ha! ..."

"... can't you see that I don't want your kindness?  Why will you persist in
trying to do good to people who ... spit on it, ... people who seriously find
your kindness beyond endurance? ... Surely I've shown you clearly enough today
that you annoy me, that I'm ... sick of you!  What you are really trying to do
is pester people! ... "

From "The Phoenix Guards", Steven Brust:

"Because it seems to me that if you are unwilling to let individuals dictate
your decisions for you, how is it that you are willing to let such an abstract
thing as fashion decide how you are to lead your life?"

"... who appeared to enjoy the converstaion of Aerich, consisting as it did of
long silences puncuated by short silences."

"Then you must take care, for where the heart is engaged, the mind is no where
to be found."

" 'It is also clear that you are no gentleman' (Kahaavern)
  'Well that is true, but I think you will be as dead if killed by me as if you
   were killed by a gentleman' (random bad guy)
  Khaavern saw the extreme justice of this observation "

" 'My lord captain, it is with sorrow that I must report the death of my
   partner' (Aerich)
  'Her death?' (Captain G'aereth)
  Aerich bowed.
  'But how did she die?' (Capt. G'aereth)
  'I killed her', said Aerich cooly.
  'What?' cried the captain, 'This is infamous!'
  Aerich shrugged. "

"He began to reflect upon the nature of the gods, wondering how useful prayer
was, since, inspite of all the things he had prayed for at one time or another
in his life, the blessings he had received all seemed to come at times when
prayer had been farthest from his mind."

    
From "The Last Valley":

"What real and what isn't? Once I thought I knew.  Now I know I don't."

"God is an excuse used too often."

"You wouldn't defy a dream, would you?"


From Operation:Mindcrime, Queensrcyhe :

"Its ten minutes past your curfew, why are you still up?  Perhaps you need
another shot..."


I've given my life to become what I am
To preach the new beginning
To make you understand
To reach some point of order
Utopia in mind, you've got to learn
To sacrifice, to leave what's now behind
Speak to me the pain you feel
Speak the word
The word is all of us

Religion and sex are powerplays
Manipulate the people for the money they pay
Selling skin, selling God
The numbers look the same on their credit cards
Politicians say no to drugs
While we pay for wars in South America
Fighting fire with empty words
While the banks get fat
And the poor stay poor
And the rich get rich
And the cops get paid
To look away
As the one percent rules America

In the wooden chair
Beside my window
I wear a face born in the falling rain
I talk to shadows from a lonely candle
Recite the phrases from the wall

They told me to run
But just how far
Can I go wearing the black mask of fear?
The hate in my eyes always gives me away
The tension building slowly
Now I lost everything I had in you
Nothing we shared means a thing
Without you close to me
I can't live without you

Crime and Punishment again:

"... There isn't a sign of independant existance in you! You're made of candle
greese and you have buttermilk in your veins for blood! I don't trust a single
one of you!  Your fist concern in any circumstance is how not to resemble a
human being.  ... I admit that you're an intelligent chap, but you're a fool!"
(Razumikhin)
 
"By pursuing falsehood you will arrive at the truth!  The fact that I am in
error shows that I am human." (Razumikhin)(pg193)

"There is a point in everything beyond which it is dangerous to go, for once
you do so, there can be no turning back." (Petrovich)

"But really, who knows? Perhaps we are seeing each other for the last time."
(Raskolnikov)

"But now, if you love me, give me up . . . Otherwise I feel I shall begin to
hate you." (Raskolnikov)

"He is ma-a-d, but not heartless!  He is out of his mind. Don't you see that?"
(Pulkheria)

"That would make living to easy."

"After all, who knows?  Perhaps I really am mad, and everything that has
happened all this time has been only my imagination." (Raskolnikov)

So if you ever decide
That you have to escape
And you travel the world
And you can't find a place
You could wind up believing
That paradise
Is nothing more than a feeling
That goes on in your mind
So if you ever find out what it is
There's something you could do
Cause if I ever hold taht golden dream
I want to tell you
I'm gonna name it after you
			---"After Me", Marillion

So watch the old world melt away
A loss regrets could never mend
You never miss it till it's gone
So say goodbye say goodbye
			---"Seasons End", Marillion

On protecting computers from the environment--
	"In this respect, computers are alot like people: they don;t work well
if they're too hot, too cold, or immersed in water. ... Computers are
notoriously bad at surviving fires. ...  Although computers are not prone to
explosion,the buildings in which they are located can be .... People need food
and drink to stay alive. Computers, on the other hand, need to stay away from
food and drink. ... Unless your computer is used by the military, it is
unlikely to be a war target ..."
	"Practical Unix Security"

The more I know
The less I understand
		----"The Heart of the Matter"

Some times I feel I lost something
In gaining everything,
But I can't put my finger on what it was,
It's just one of those nagging feelings,
Like sitting with your back to an open door
		---"Favourite Stranger"

From "Notes From Underground", Dostoevsky:

No doubt you think, gentlemen, that I want to amuse you.  You are mistaken in
that, too.  I am not at all such a merry person as you imagine,...

The worst of it is, no matter how I tried, it still turned out I was the most
to blame in everything, and what is most humiliating of all, to blame for no
fault of my own but, so to say, through the laws of nature.  In the first place,
to blame because I am cleverer than any of the people surrounding me. (I have
always considered myself cleverer than any of the people surrounding me, and
sometimes, would you believe it, I have even been ashamed of that.  At any
rate, all my life, I have, as it were, looked away and I could never look
people straight in the eye.)    

I envy such a man until I am green in the face.  He is stupid.  I am not
disputing that, but perhaps the normal man should be stupid, how do you know?
Perhaps it is very beautiful, in fact.

You laugh?  I am delighted.  My jokes, gentleman, are of course in bad taste,
uneven, involved, lacking in self-confidence.  But of course taht is because
I do not respect myself.  Can a man with consciousness respect himself at all?
Come, can a man who even attempts to find enjoyment in the very feeling of
self-degradation really have any respect for himself at all?

Oh, gentlemen, after all, perhaps I consider myself an intelligent man only
because I have been able neither to begin nor to finish anything.  Granted,
granted I am a babbler, a harmless annoying babbler, like all of us. 
But what is to be done if the direct and sole vocation of every intelligent man
is babble, taht ism the intentional pouring of water through a sieve?

Oh, if I had done nothing simply out of laziness!  Heavens, how I would have
respected myself then.  I would have respected myself because I would at least
have been capable of being lazy; there would at least have been in me one
positive quality, as it were, in which I could have believed myself.  Question:
Who is he?  Answer: A loafer.  After all, it would have been pleasent to hear
that about oneself!  It would mean that I was positively defined, it would mean
that there was something to be said about me.  "Loafer"--why, after all, it is
a calling and an appointment, it is a career, gentlemen.

Whether it is good or bad, it is sometimes very pleasent to smash things.

Once you have two times two makes four, there is nothing left to do or
understand.  There will be nothing left but to bottle up your five senses and
plunge into contemplation.  While if you were to stick to consciousness, even
though you attain the same result, you can at least flog yourself at times, and
that, at any rate, will liven you up.  It may be reactionary, but corpal
punishment is still better than nothing.

I admit that two times two makes four is an excellent thing, but if we are
going to praise everything, two times two makes five is sometimes also a very
charming little thing.

I swear to you, gentlemen, that I do not really believe one thing, not even one
word, of what I have just written.  That is, I believe it, perhaps, but at the
same time, I feel and suspect that I am lying myself blue in the face.

Every man has some reminiscences which he would not tell to everyone, but only
to his friends.  He has others which he would not reveal even to his friends,
but only to himself, and that in secret.  But finally there are still others
which a man is even afraid to tell himself, and every decent man has a
considerable number of such things stored away.  

Incidently, there is a whole psychological system in this.  Or, perhaps, I am
simply a coward.

Not only could I not become spiteful, I could not even becomes anything:
neither spiteful nor kind, neither a rascal nor an honest man, neither a hero
nor an insect.  Now, I am living out my life in my corner, taunting myself with
the spiteful and useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot seriously
become anything and that only a fool can become anything.  ... I tell you
solemnly that I wanted to become an insect many times.  But I was not even
worthy of that.

But incidently, what can a decent man speak about with the greatest pleasure?
Answer: About himself.

They [everyone] do pride themselves on their diseases, and I, perhaps, more
than any one of them.

To take an instance, I am terribly vain.  I am as suspicious and touchy as a
hunchback or a dwarf.  But to tell the truth, there have been moments when if
someone had happened to slap my face I would, perhaps, have even been glad of
that.

But man is so fond of systems and abstract deductions taht he is ready to
distort the truth intentionally, he is ready to deny what he can see and hear
just to justify his logic.

Of course, boredom may lead you to anything.  After all, boredom even sets one
sticking gold pins into people

After all, if desire should at any time come to terms completely with reason,
we shall then, of course, reason and not desire, simply because, after all, it
will be impossible to retain reason and _desire_ something senseless, and in
that way knowingly act against reason and desire to injure ourselves.

But man is a frivolous and incongruous creature, and perhaps, like the chess
player, loves only the process of the game, not the end of it.  And who knows
(one cannot swear to it), perhaps the only goal on earth to which mankind is
striving lies in this incessant process of attaining, or in other words, in
life itself, and not particularly in the goal which of course must always be
two times two makes four, that is a formula, and after all, two times two makes
four is no longer life, gentlemen, but the beginning of death.

After all, perhaps man likes something besides prosperity?  Perhaps he likes
suffering just as much?  ...  Man is sometimes fearfully, passionately in love
with suffering and that is a fact. ... And yet I am sure man will never
renounce suffering, that is, destruction and chaos.  Why, after all, suffering
is the sole orgin of consciousness.

The long and the short of it is, gentlemen, that it is better to do nothing!
Better conscious inertia!

I am lying because I know myself as surely as two times two makes four, that it
is not at all underground that is better, but something different, quite
different, for which I long but cannoy find!

It is perfectly clear to me now that, owing to my unbounded vanity and,
probably, to the high standard I set for myself, I very often looked at myself
with furious discontent, which verged on loathing, and so I inwardly attributed
the same view to everyone.  For instance, I hated my face; I thought it
disgusting, and even suspected that there was something base in its expression
... I painfully tried to behave as independantly as possible.  "Let my face be
ugly," I thought, "but let it be noble, expressive, and, above all, _exremely_
intelligent."  But I was absolutely and painfully certain that my face could
never express those perfections; but what was worst of all, I thought it
positively stupid-looking.  And I would have been quite satisfied if I could
have looked intelligent.  In fact, I would even have put up with looking base
if, at the same time, my face could have been thought terribly intelligent.

Only asses and mules are brave, and even they are so only until they come up
against the wall.

The romantic is always intelligent, and I only meant to observe that although
we have had foolish romantics they don't count, and they were so only because
in the flower of their youth they degenerated completely into Germans.

In the first place, at home, I spent most of my time reading.  I tried to
stifle all that was continually seething within me by means of external
sensation.  And the only source of external sensation possible for me was
reading.

After all, we don't even know where living exists now, what it is, and what it
is called!  Leave us alone without books and we will be lost and in confusion
at once--we will not know what to join, what to cling to, what to love and what
to hate, what to respect and what to despise.

Even in my underground dreams I did not imagine love in any form except as a
struggle.  I always began it with hatred and ended it with moral subjugation,
and afterward I could never imagine what to do with the subjugated object.


From Ulysses, James Joyce:
	"The Ballas of Joking Jesus"

I'm the queerest fellow that you ever heard
My mother's a jew, my father's a bird
With Joseph the joiner I cannot agree
So here's to disciples an Calvary
If anyone thinks I amn't divine
He'll get no free drinks when I'm making the wine
But have to drink water and wish it were plain
That I make when the wine becomes water again
Goodbye, now, goodbye. Write down all I said
And tell Tom, Dick, and Harry I rose from the dead...


Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury:

the word 'intellectual', of course, became the swear word it deserved to be.
You always dread the unfamiliar.  Surely you remember the boy in your own
school class who was exceptionally 'bright', did most of the reciting and
answering while the others sat like so many leaden idols, hating him.  And
wasn't it this bright boy you selected for beatings and torture after hours?
Of course it was.  We must all be alike.  Not everyone born free and equal, as
the Consitution says, but everyone _made_ equal.  Each man the image of every
other; then all are happy, for there are no mountains to make them cower, to
judge themselves against. 

"I'm cured!"
	--- clockwork orange 

I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear
Hair is grey and the fires are burning
So many dreams on the shelf
You say I wanted you to be PROUD of me
I always wanted that myself
	---Winter

Listen to me just hear me out, if I could have your attention
just quieten down for a voice in the crowd.
I get so confused I don't understand
I know you feel the same way you've always wanted to say
but you don't get the chance, just a voice in the crowd.
...
When I was young, my father told me just the bad guys die
at the time just a little white lie
it was one of the first but it hurt me the most
and the truth stung like tears in my eye
that even the good guys must die
there's no reasoning no crimes and I never knew why
even now it still makes me cry.
			---"Vigil", Fish

I found a new religion yesterday, I'd just cleared immigration JFK
a priest got in a cadillac, the shoe shine boy sang gospel
as God and his accountants drove away.
You'll see him coast to coast on live tv, in a stadium
rocked by Satan just the night before
the collection from the faithful is tax free
it'll pay for his presidential campaign and his yacht
			---"Big Wedge", Fish

I don't trust the government, I don't trust alternatives.
It's not that I'm paranoid, it's just thats the way it is.
Every day I hear a little scream inside.
Every day I find it's gettin louder.
I just want to reach out and touch someone,
Cause I find I need a friend in this dark hour.
We the people are gettin' tired of your lies.
We the people now believe that it's time.
We're demanding our rights to the answers.
We'll elect a president to a state of mind.
I trust in conspiracies, in the power of the military.
In this wilderness of mirrors here, not even my speech is free.
		---"State of Mind", Fish

The sooner you realise that I'm perfectly happy
if I'm left to decide the company I choose
The company I choose is solidly singular
totally trustworthy, straight and sincere
polished, experienced, witty and charming
so why don't you push off, this company's my own.
		---"The Company", Fish

You sit and think that everything is coming up roses
but you can't see the weeds that entangle your feet.
You can't see the wood for the trees cos the forest is burning
and you say it's the smoke in your eyes that's making you cry.
...
You were a dancer and a chancer, a poet and a fool
to the royalty of mayhem you were breaking all the rules.
Your decadence outstanding, your hopes flying high.
...
You were holding out forever - thought they'd never turn your mind.
Your ideals they were higher than you ever could have climbed.
We thought that they couldn't buy you - the price would be too high
that the riches there on offer they just wouldn't turn your eyes.
But your conscience it was locked up in the prisons of your schemes
your judgement it was blinded by your visions and your dreams
		---"View from the Hill", Fish

Under a Poet's moon there are dreams in action
Prayers met and questions answered as the world birls in the darkness
I'm still staring at the skies, under a Poet's moon
			--"Poet's Moon", Fish

If your body's feeling bad, and it's the only one you have
You want to take away the pain, just go out walking in the rain
			--"Faith Healer", Fish

This time you really hurt me right down to the core
And I'm desperately trying to find a reason
To forgive you for it all
		--"Shadow Play"

The more you scream, the less you hear,
Or that's how it used to be.
But I just can't tell the difference
Anymore these days.
		--"Credo"

You're my favourite stranger
But don't read between the lines,
I could say that I love you at this moment
In passing time,
But I could honestly tell you
I don't know why I'm here,
Sharing all my problems with you
When you've already got your own share,
		---"Favourite Stranger"

As we move to a stalemate,
you say a contract's a contract
& this is unnegotiable,
I question your morality, you question my reality
		---"Tounges"

They bury a wasteland deep in the wilderness
Poison the soil and reap the harvest,
Of blind indifference, greed and apathy
Sowed way back in our history
		"Internal Exile"

If you can't speak, you can't lie
If you can't run, you can't hide
And if you're dead, you can't die
So no one lives inside...
My collection
		---a_collection, marillion

On waves of silver I dreamed of gold
I dreamed of the moment of my own death
That no one ever dreams and lives
		---the_bell_in_the_sea, marillion

Silken membranes, span his path, fingerprints in dew
Denizens of twilight lands, humbly beg him through
Mother Nature's bastard child, shunned by leaf and stream
An alien in an alien land seeks solace within dreams
The shaper's lies, his poison tongue maligned with mocking harp
Beguiling queen, her innocence offends his icy heart
		---Grendel 

I'm the warrior in the ultra violet haze
Armed with antisocial insecurity
I plan the path of destiny from this maze.
		---Market Square Heros

So I said all the best freaks are here
All the best freaks are here, please stop staring at me
		---Freaks

It was a wedding ring, destined to be found in a cheap hotel
lost in a kitchen sink or thrown in a wishing well
		---Warm wet circles

I ain't got no excuse to say, except it's my way
I got nothing else to say, except it's my way
it's always my way I seem to be running away so often
I'll try anything once and that's the way we should be
but it's always the same getting caught up again
in a habbit, a habbit I just can't shake off
the way it always turned out
can you understand it's the way I chose to be
everything seems so easy this way but I'm going under
fast, I'm slipping away, am I so crazy
		---Going Under

When you say I've got a problem that's a certainty
But I put it all right down to eccentricity
It's just for the record it's just a passing phase
Just for the record I can stop any day
		---Just for the record

The more I see the more I hear the more I find the fewer answers
I close my mind, I shut it out but you know its getting harder
to calm down, to reason out, to come to terms with
what it's all about
I'm uptight, can't sleep at night, I can't pretend everything's
alright. My ideals my sanity, they seem to be
deserting me but to stand up and fight I know
we have six million reasons
		---White Russian

But I don't want to be the backpage interview
I don't want launderette anonymity
I want my handprints in the concrete on Sunset Boulevard
		---incommunicado

But when it comes right down to it there's no use trying to pretend
For when it gets right down to it there's no one here
that's left to blame, blame it on me, you can blame it on me
we're just sugar mice in the rain
		---sugar mice

We live out lives in private shells
ignore out senses and fool ourselves
into thinking that our there there's someone else cares
someone to answer all our prayers
...
But everything is still the same
passing the time passing out the blame
we carry on in the same old way
we'll find out we left it too late one day
to say what we meant to say
		---The last straw

So you resigned yourself to failure, my friend,
And I emerged the chilling stranger, my friend,
To eradicate the problem, my friend,
Unsheath the blade within the voice
		---assassins

Stand straight, look me in the eye and say goodbye, say goodbye.
Stand straight, we've drifted past the point of reasons why.
Yesterday starts tomorrow, tomorrow starts today
		---jigsaw

And in that tortured subtle manner inflict questions within questions,
within questions.
Looking in shades of green through shades of blue;
I trust you trusting me to mistrust you.
		---Emerald Lies

You landed in my life
Like a new and brighter light
That made all my past seem in shadow
I always used to believe
That beauty was skin deep
But I need a new word to describe you
And the time that it took to take down the wall
Was the that it took for me to fall
Hopelessly weak
No one can take you away from me now
Don't worry if they take me away
No one can take you away from me now
Don't matter how long we have to wait
		---no one can

You're an island
But I can't leave you all out at sea
You're so violent with your silence
You're an island
I can't sleep
Won't you speak to me
		---dry land

When you list all the qualities that you despise
And you realise
You're describing yourself
And breakin' someone up inside
Is your only source of pride
		---rake's progress

They say that some are born to burn
And some are born to give
They say that some people live and learn
Some people only live and live
		---100 nights

No, his mind is not for rent
To any god or government.
Always hopeful, yet discontent,
He knows changes aren't permanent,
But change is.
		---"Tom Sawyer", Rush  

The bastards that destory our lives,
Are sometimes just ourselves.
		---my_earthly_paradise

Better think awhile,
Or I may never think again
If this were the last day of your life, my friend,
Tell me, wht do you think you would do then?
		---"Undertow", Genesis

The path is clear
Though no eyes can see
The course laid down long before
And so with gods and men
The sheep remain inside their pen
Though many times they've seen the way to leave
		---Firth of Fifth, genesis

Talk to me, you never talk to me
It seems that I can speak
I can hear my voice shouting out
But there's no reply at all
Look at me, you never look at me
I've been sitting, staring, seems so long 
But you're looking through me
Like I wasn't here at all
		---"No Reply At All", Genesis

Breaking the silence with my cries
Can't you hear me screaming?
We could make all this wrong seem right
But you never answer me
		---"Breaking the Silence", Queensryche

Another chance hello, another goodbye
and so many things we'll never see again
days of life that seemed so unimportant
seem to matter and to count much later on
Far away, away, fading distant lights
leaving us all behind, lost in a changing world 
and you know that these are the days of our lives
remember
		---"Fading Lights", Genesis

Each of us-
A cell of awareness-
Imperfect and incomplete.
Genetic blends
With uncertain ends
On a fortune hunt that's far too fleet.
		---"Freewill", Rush

Come on let it rain, let it rain down on me
Let the rain touch my hands, let the rain set me free
		---melissa etheridge

Okay, now lets pretend we're at the Sox game, only the ticket holders are
substrate and the ticket takers are the enzyme. . . what happens when 10
minutes before the game starts Jason comes along with a chainsaw and cuts off
one arm off of each of the ticket takers?
		---dr.g, in microbio

"if by psychoanalysis we cured the artists of their neuroses would they no
longer create?"
	    ---"courage to create"

"Intimacy requires courage because risk is inescapable.  We cannot know at the
outset how the relationship will affect us.  Like a chemical mixture, if one of
us is changed, both of us will be.  Will we grow is self-actualization, or will
it destroy us?  The one thing we can be certain of is that if we let ourselves
fully into the relationship for good or evil, we will not come out unaffected."
	---"courage to create"
	
Paranoid, hysterics
Who don't pay any attention to 
What goes on around them
They leave the ones they love the way they found them
A normal person must dismiss you with disgust
And weep for those who trusted you
 	---"Endgame", Chess, 

Without courage our love pales into mere dependancy.  Without courage our
fidelity becomes conformism.
	--"courage to create"

We cannot escape our anxiety over the fact that artists, along with creative
persons of all sorts, are the possible destroyers of our nicely ordered
systems.
	--"courage to create"


"What did he want?"
"What do all men want?"
"He wanted you to dress up as Wonder Woman, tie him up with a golden lariat,
and force him to tell the truth?"
                ---some movie on TV

"I didn't go to the moon, I went much further--for time is the longest distance
bewteen two places. . . attempting to find in motion what was lost in space. .
. . I tried to leave you behind me, but I am more faithful than I intented to
be. . . . I speak to the nearest stranger--anything that can blow your candles
out.  For nowadays the world is lit by lightening. . . and so goodbye ..."
		---"Glass Menagerie"

"you are the only young man I know of who ignores the fact that the future
becomes the present, the present the past, and the past turns into everlasting
regret if you don't plan for it!"
		---"Glass Menagerie"

"Despite the fact its hurting me, I know its time to set you free . . . "
		--something on the radio

Turn your head
And don't look back
Set your sails for a new horizon
Don;t turn around Don't look back
		---We said hello goodbye

Nothing here can hurt you
Darkness has no heart 
...
Hearing silent whispers
Old friends are acting strange
No one wants to know you now
People say you've changed
... 
Heaven loses you to this world
Leaves you alone
		---holidays in eden

I don't beleive you're leaving because me and Charles Manson like the same ice
cream I think its that girl and I think there are pieces of me you've never
seen Maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen . . . You don;t know the
power that you have . . . maybe its time to wave goodbye now...
		---Tear in your hand

And you knew you'd be the one who was laughing 
Except when things weren't going your way...
		---more fool me
    
The moral of that is--'The more there is of mine, the less there is of yours'
		--- the duchess, Alice In Wonderland  

'I don't think-' (Alice)
'Then you shouldn't talk' (Hatter)
		---Alice in wonderland

and she had never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked
"poison", it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.
		---Alice in wonderland

The thunderstorm as a vehicle of divine power and wrath moved Joyce's
immagination so profoundly that to the end of his life he trembled at the
sound.  When a friend asked him why he was so affected, he replied, 'You were
not brought up in Catholic Ireland.'
		---"James Joyce", Richard Ellmann

John Joyce on his son James: 'If that fellow was dropped in the middle of the
Sahara, he'd sit, be God, and make a map of it'
		---"James Joyce"  

A potential key to the secret of life was impossible to push out of my mind.
The fact that I was unable to interpret it did not bother me.  It was certainly
better imagine myself becoming famous than maturing into stifled academic who
had never risked a thought.
		-- James D. Watson

I don't belive that Crick and I succeeded in what we set out to do.  We thought
that the double helix would be so clear to everyone that they would give up
religion.  But they didn't, so there's still work to do.
		-- Watson

I've often wondered whether I should worry about my genes.
		-- Watson

People ask me 'aren't you afraid of playing god?' and so I reply 'what if god
doesn't exist?'
		-- watson

"The play was about genius breaking out in the home and against the home.  You
needn't have seen it, its going to happen in your own home."
		--- joyce

You're in charge.  You know you are.  The question is: Does Hyde know it too?
	--- an afterword to "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde"

I'm all out of lies
...
This feeling won't die
...
I can't watch you cry
Its too late to say goodbye
		--- richard marx
  
I thought I knew you
Thought we had it made 
I'd thought it out
Thought I had the answers
After all is said and done
The only thing I really know is your name
		---"Shadow Play", _internal exile_, Fish


I sentence you to be exposed before your peers!  Tear down the wall!
		--- "the trial", pink floyd


Hello, is there anybody in there?  Just nod if you can hear me, is there
anybody home?
	 	---"comfortably numb", pink floyd


I hope they throw away the key
You should've talked to me more often than you did
But no!  You had to go your own way.
Have you broken any homes up lately?
		--- "the trial"

All alone, or in twos
The ones who really know you
Walk up and down outside the wall
Some hand in hand
Some gather together in bands
The bleeding hearts and artists, 
Make their stand.
And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall
After all its not easy
Banging your heart against some mad buggers wall.
		---"outside the wall"

nothings so loud
as hearing when we lie
the truth is not kind
and you've said neither am i
		---all i want

And you'll wonder if i'm happy there
a little more than i've been
and the answer will come back to you
like laughter on the wind
		---corner of the sky

it was a night of thaw, a night of blow
with great excitement in the air.  black spring
stood just around the corner, shivering
in the wet starlight and on the wet ground
the lake lay in the mist, its ice half drowned
a blurry shape stepped off the reedy bank
into a crackling, gulping swamp, and sank
		---"pale fire", nabokov

then stirs the feeling infinite, so felt
in solitude, where we are least alone;
a truth, which through our being then doth melt
and purifies from self: it is a tone, 
the soul and source of music
		---"childe harold's pilgrimage", byron

I said he was a man of integrity.  I did not say that men of integrity are
often unable to express joy when the occasion demands.
		---"Harmony of the World", Charles Baxter

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character,
give him power.
		---Lincoln

He said I wasn't enough of a fanatic.  He said that to be one of the great ones
you have to be a tiny bit crazy.  Touched.  And he said I wasn't.  And when he
said it, I knew all along he was right.  I was waiting for someone to say what
I already knew,a nd he was the one.  I was too much a good citizen, he said.  I
wasn't possessed.
		---"Harmony of the World", C. Baxter

Take a look around you now before its much to late
Make the choice to change or be a victim of your fate
All your life you've been running from the girl inside
		---"superstar"

Character is what you are in the dark
		---"buckaroo bonzai"

the friends in whom he had most confidence were just those with whom he had most reserves
		---a story we read in english i forgot the name of

i just want something.
i just want something i can never have
you always were the one to show me how
back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now.
this is slowly take me apart.
grey would be the color if i had a heart.
i just want something i can never have.
in this place it seems like such a same.
though it all looks different now,
i know it's still the same
everywhere i look you're all i see.
just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be.
		--"something i can never have", PHM, NIN

From Exiles, by James Joyce:

Richard: I told you also that I would not show you what I had written unless
	you asked to see it.  Well?
Beatrice:  I will not ask you.
Richard: Would you like to see it?
Beatrice: Very much.
Richard: Because it is about yourself?
Beatrice: Yes, but not only that.
Richard: Because it is written by me?  yes?  Even if what you would find there
	is sometimes cruel?
Beatrice: That is a part of your mind, too.
Richard: Then it is my mind that attracts you?

Richard: but you are running away.  Remain.  Tell me what your words mean.  Are
	you afraid of me?
Beatrice: Afraid? no.
Richard:  Have you confidence in me?  Do you feel that you know me?
Beatrice: It is hard to know anyone but oneself.

Richard: Did my going make you suffer?
Beatrice: I always knew you would go some day.  I did noy suffer; only I was
	changed.

Richard: You were drawn to him as your mind was drawn toward mine.  You
	held back from him.  From me, too, in a different way.  You can not
	give yourself freely and wholly.
Beatrice: Its a terrible hard thing to do . . . to give oneself freely and
	wholy--and be happy.

Beatrice: And does death not move you?  It is an end.  Everything else is
	so uncertain.

Richard:  There is a faith still stranger than the faith of the disciple in
	his master.
Robert: Whats that?
Richard: The faith of a master in the disciple who will betray him.

Robert: And He will say to us: Fools! Who told you that you were to give
	yourself to one being only?  You were to give yourself to
	many freely.  I wrote that law with My finger on your hearts.
Richard: On woman's heart too?
Robert: Yes.  Can we close our heart against an affection which we feel
	deeply?  Should we close it?  Should she?
Richard: We are speaking of bodily union.   
Robert:  Affection between man and woman must come to that.  We think too much
	of it because our minds are warped.  For us today it is of no more
	consequence than any other form of contact--than a kiss.
Richard:  If it is of no consequence why are you dissatisfied until
	you reach that end?

Richard:  That is my fear.  That I stand between her and any moments of life
	that should be hers, between her and you, between her and anyone,
	between her and anything.  I will not do that.  I cannot and I
	will not.  I dare not.

-------

From "The Letters of Vincent Van Gogh":

"Is that all, or is there more besides?  In a painter's life death is not
perhaps the hardest thing there is."

"I always feel I am a traveller, going somewhere and to some destination.  If I
tell myself that the somewhere and the destination do not exist, that seems to
me very reasonable and likely enough.  ... So at the end of my course I shall
find my mistake.  Be it so. I shall find then that not only the Arts, but
everything else as well, were only dreams, that one's self was nothing at all.
If we were as flimsy as that, so much the better for us, for then there is
nothing against the unlimited possibility of future existence."

----

	"...and I still like men in tight pants, cause everyone has somethin'
to give,a nd more imporant, need soemthing to take"
		--"My House"

We can't afford to be innocent
Stand up and face the enemy
Its a do or die situation
We will be invincable
And with the power of conviction
There is no sacrifice
	"Invincible", Pat Benatar.
-----

From _The Idiot_, Fyodor Dostoyevsky


and all around me bright sunshine, blue sky, and the terrible stillness.
There I would feel I was being called away somewhere; and it always seemed to
me that if I walked straight for a long, long time and reached that line where
earth and sky meet, I would find there the key to the whole mystery, and I
would at once behold a new life a thousand times more intense and turbulent
than ours  

Society has almost always regarded inventors and geniuses at the beginning
of their careers -- and very often at the end of their careers, too -- as no
better than fools  (pg 346)

What tender and devoted mother, for example, would not be horrified and sick
with fear if her son or daughter took the slightest step off the beaten path.
"No, better to be happy and live in comfort without orginality", thinks every
mother as she rocks her child to sleep. (pg 346)

But it does appear that a certain dullness of mind is almost an essential
quality, if not for every public man, at least for everyone who is seriously
interested in making money. (pg 348)

The difficulty is that the intelligent "ordinary" man, even if he does imagine
himself at times (and perhaps all his life) a person of genius and orginality,
nevertheless retains within his heart a little worm of doubt, which sometimes
leads the intelligent man in the end to absolute despair.  If he does yield in
this belief, he is still completely poisined with inward-driven vanity.
However, we have taken an extreme example: in the vast majority of cases in
this intelligent category of people things do not end at all so tragically; the
liver becomes more or less affected toward the end, that is all.  However,
before giving in and resigning themselves, these people sometimes play the fool
for an extremely long time, from early youth to maturity, and all out of
yearning for orginality. (pg 482)

To reach perfection there must first be much we do not understand.  And if we
understand too quickly we will probably not understand very well. (pg 569)

I'm not contradicting myself; a fool with a heart and no mind is just as
unhappy as a fool with a mind and no heart. (pg 102)

there is nothing more offensive to a man of our age and race than to be told
that he is not orginal, that he is weak of character, without special talents,
an ordinary man. (pg 145)

Truth is only possible here by accident, through a certain kind of bragging in
the worst possible tatse, unacceptable and completely out of place here. (pg
164)

he wanted to get his lost faith back by force.  He suffers from the need of it
now -- yes!  To believe in something!  To believe in someone! (pg 250)

Do you know I'm not yet 18?  I've lain so long on that pillow and looked so
long out that window and thought so much -- about everyone -- that a person who
is dead has no age, you know.  I thought that last week, when I awoke in the
night -- But do you know what you are most afraid of?  More than anything else
you're afraid of our sincerity! (pg 314)

all that is natural, people are created to torture one another. (pg 415)

life is what matters, life alone -- the continuous, eternal process of
discovering life -- and not the discovery itself at all! (pg 414)

I don't want anything now, I don't wnat to want anything, I have promised
myself never to want anything again.  Let them seek truth without me!  Yes,
nature is ironical!  Why, why does she create her very best human beings only
to make fools of them later?  (pg 315)

------

The people that pass, they think that they know you
They're too busy thinking to see who you are
		--- Cynthia Mask, Robyn Hitchcock

I'm the executioner of love ... before I pass the sentence do you have anything
to ask?
		--- Executioner, R. H.

I loved the bright intensity of fire
In the darkening sky,
	The way it hung suspended
In the blue-black space-
	calm, searing, apart-
Surviving the nightfall,
	enduring the emptiness
			---"Homage to O'Keeffe", ?
----
From "The Man from La Mancha":

Why are you poets obsessed with mad men?

Maddess of all is to see life as it is instead of how it should be.

Can't you see what your gentle insanities do to me?  Rob me of my anger and
leave me with despair.

----
From _The Statue Within_, Francois Jacob

What am I today?  Am I capable of renewal?  What are the chances I might still
produce something I don;t expect of myself?  For my life unfolds mainly in the
yet-to-come, and is based on waiting.  Mine is a life of prepartion.  I enjoy
the present only insofar as it is a promise of the future. (pg 7)

This endless race with time, this preference for desire over enjoyment is not
without its drawbacks.  Too often, it prevents us from understanding, and
nurtures the illusion of life rather than life itself. (pg 8)

I love fixed ideas, but only if they can be changed.  
------

Some people tell you
They're trapped by the distance
and can't get what they want most
They throw up a wall
and then call for assistance
and make no attempt to get close
	---"Below the surface", DF

I've gone to far to turn back now
I'm not quite what I thought I was but
Then again I'm maybe more
...
For now I'm standing here
I'm awaiting this grand transition
The future is but past forgotten
On the road to madness
		---Roads to Madness, Queensryche
---
 Another Rainy Night (Without You)
			Queensryche

Don't slam the door on your way out
Don't leave without saying goodbye
Another long distance night alone
You leave me wanting, always leave me wanting more
Last word today, coming home to stay?
Wouldn't that be nice, for awhile?

But now my take-out food is growing cold
And the candle's burned a hole in the floor
And I'm still waiting for the ring of the phone

CHORUS
I'm all alone
And it's another rainy night, without you
Guess I'll leave the light on for you
It's just another rainy night without you

Listen, there's a foghorn blowing from the coast tornight
Remember making love in the rain?
Strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound
Raindrops taste like tears, without the pain
I'm not much without you, can't leave if I wanted to
Maybe that's why you stay around

But tonight I'll sit here tending the fire
and pace the floor one hundred times in an hour
And check the voice-mail for a message you've called

CHORUS

Waiting by the phone, alone
And it's another rainy night without you

Hate the sound of the closing door
And your footseps walking away

But now my takeout food is growing cold
and the candle's burned a hole in the floor
and I'm still waiting for the ring of the phone

CHORUS
---
	 Kinda i want to, pretty hate machine, NIN

i can't shake this feeling from my head.
there's a devil sleeping in my bed.
he's watching you from across the way.
i cannot make this feeling go away

Chorus: i know it's not the right thing.
        and I know it's not the good think.
        but kinda i want to

i'm not sure of what i should do.
when everything i'm think of is you.
all of my excuses turn to lies.
maybe God will cover up his eyes

Chorus

maybe just for tonight.
we can pretend it's alright.
what's the price i pay.
i don't care what they say.
i want to.
i want to (i'll take my chance tonight)

------
"Have you ever been in love?" (skeffignton)
"How would I write the most perefect love songs of our time if I were in love?
A poet must always write aboiut a past or a future emotion, never about a
present one." (joyce)
... This kind of answer, which turned the aruemnt to abstraction, played neatly
on Skeffington's own tendancy.
			--- _James Joyce_, R. Ellman

I find it hard to talk about, its not easy
As you might expect
Just sitting here waiting, trying to accept
That there's something missing,
That there's something not quite there
And that's why you're sitting there.
Listening to me as I try to explain that
	--"favourite stranger"

But what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his with her name still on it 
Hey but I don't care 
Cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice and it's been 
here silent all these years 
So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts
[..]
Years go by will I still be waiting 
For somebody else to understand
Years go by if I'm stripped of my beauty 
And the orange clouds raining in my head 
Years go by will I choke on my tears
Till finally there is nothing left 
One more casualty 
You know we're to easy easy easy 
		---Silent all these years, Tori Amos

I can feel the distance getting close
You're right next to me
But I need an airplane
I can feel the distance as you breathe
Sometimes I think you want me to touch you
How can I when you build a great wall around you
In your eyes I saw a future together
You just look away in the distance
		---"China", Tori Amos

You must not be angry with me for having been so sad yesterday; I was very
happy, very content, but in my very best moments I am always for some reason
sad.  As for my crying, that means nothing.  I don't know myself why I am
always crying. [...] The pale cloudless sky, the sunset, the evening stillness
-- all that -- I don't know -- but I was somehow in the mood yesterday to take
a dreary and miserable view of everything, so that my heart was too full and
needed the relief of tears.  But why am I writing all this to you?  It is
hard to make all that clear to one's own heart, and still harder to convey it
to another.  But you, perhaps, will understand me.
			--- (Varvara) _Poor People_, Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Amanda never cries, don't stare
The girl could never really care
She perseveres and never hears
Them talk of how she hurt the boy
And, oh, its funny that she'll never know  
			--- "Amanda for all seasons", Otis Ball and the Chains

Maybe I'll miss this place
I'm counting every face
And kissing fish could by
			---OB&tC           

You've gathered all my secrets
and I don't know who I am
I even feel alone when you're near
'cause you'll never understand
			---"I dream in infrared", _Rage for Order_, Queensryche

I'll teach you to laugh and to cry
They're really the same you see
All of the why's in your life
Are under my control
Feed me more lines
I will try to tell you if I can
Before the light you must know what lies
Behind my screams
		---"Screaming in digital", _Rage for Order_, Queensryche

Those who can -- do.
Those who can't -- teach.
Those who can't teach -- administrate.
		--- fortune

You know I've seen it before
This mist that covers your eyes
You've been looking for something
That's not in your life
My intentions are true
Won't you take me with you
		--- "You can sleep while I drive", Melissa Etheridge

don't take it away from me
I need soemone to hold on to
don't take it away from me
I need soemone to hold on to
hey God, there's nothing left for me to hide
I lost my ignorance, security and pride
I'mm all alone in a world you must despise
Hey, God I believed that promises, your promises and lies
		---"Terrible Lie", _pretty hate machine_, NIN

From "Poor People", Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Oh, my dear friend!  misfortune is an infectious disease, the poor and
unfortunate ought to avoid one another, for fear of making each other worse.  I
have brought you trouble such as you knew nothing of in your humble and
solitary existence.  All this is distressing and killing me.  Write me now
openly all that happened to you and how you came to behave like that.  Set my
mind at rest if possible.  It isn't selfishness makes me write to you [...] but
my affection and love for you, which nothing will ever efface from my heart.
Good-bye.  I await your answer with impatience.  You had a very poor idea of
me ... (Varvara)
	
I did not finish my last letter [...] because it was difficult for me to write.
Sometimes I have moments when I am glad to be alone, to mourn, with none to
share my grief, and such moments are becoming more and more frequent with me.
In my recollections there is something inexplicable to me, which attacks me
unaccountablty and so intensely that for hours at a stretch I am insensible to
all surrounding me and I forget everything -- all the present. (Varvara)

So don't be vexed with me [...] I'm so miserable.  Oh, how will it end, my
friend, my dear [...]?  I'm afraid to look into my future.  I have a
presentiment of something and am living in a sort of delirium.  (Varvara)

You see, I tell you about everything.  I wanted to write to you about something
else, but I am afraid to trouble you.  You see, I am a foolish, simple man
[...] I just write what comes, so that, maybe, you may --- But there, never
mind! (Makar)

So this time is over!  I bring to my new life little consolation from the
memories of the past;  the more precious will be my memory of you, the more
precious will your memory be to my heart.  You are my one friend; you are the
only one there who loved me.  You know I have seen it all, I know how you love
me!  You were happy in a smile from me and a few words from my pen.  Now you
will have to get used to being without me.  How will you do, left alone here?
To whom am I leaving you my kind, precious, only friend!  I leave you the book,
the embroidery frame, the unfinished letter;  when you look at those first
words, you must read in your thoughts all that you would like to hear or read
from me, all that I should have written to you;  and what I could not write
now!  (Varvara)

How could you make up your mind to such a step?  What ahve you done, what ahve
you done, what have you done to yourself?  [...]  But no, fool, fool, I thought
nothing and saw nothing, as though that were the right thing, as though it had
nothing to do with me. [...]  To whom am I going to write letters? [...] I
don't know, now, what I am writing, I don't know at all, I don't know and I
don't read it over and I don't improve the style.  I write only to write, only
to go on writing to you ... (Makar)

-------

Try it sometime.  Say, "My love for you is ineffable". If he says, "What?", get
a new significant other.
		--- Mr. Casey, in Belief in Question 2/2/94

Absence makes the heart go wander.
		--- my "fortune" today...

I hang my head and I advertise
A soul for sale or rent
I have no heart, I'm cold inside
I have no real intent
		---"Save Me", Queen

Why - why - why
Love
Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love
Cause love's such an old-fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
		--- "Under Pressure", Queen

But supersition, like belief, must die,
And what remains when disbelief has gone?
		---"Church Going", Phillip Larkin

He who refuses to embrace a unique opportunity loses the prize as surely as if
he tried and failed.
		---William James

Scepticism, then, is not the avoidance of option; it is option of a certain
particular kind of risk.  Better risk loss of truth than chance of error.
		---William James

Thanks to Apple Computers it's Bitchin what these things can do.
		---Tori Amos, credits of _Under the Pink_

It went right by me --
Just another wall
There should have been a moment
When we let our barriers fall
I never meant what you're thinking --
That is not what I meant at all
[...]
Closed for protection --
Open to your scorn
Between these two directions
My heart is sometimes torn
[...]
I find no absolution
In my rational point of view 
Maybe some things are instinctive
But there's one thing you could do
You could try to understand me --
I could try to understand you
		---"open secrets", rush

Confidence has deserted me, with you it has forsaken me
Confused and rejected, despised and alone
I kiss isolation on its fevered brow
Security clutching me, obscurity threatening me
		---"The web", marillion

old enough to know whats right
weak enough not to chose it
		----rush

if you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon
		---race among the ruins, gordon lightfoot

a space between us is not a final answer
		--RH&E

should i say it with flowers or should i say it with nails?
i'm not the kind to push yu around
but i don't want to make myself vulnderable
and if i was on my knees you'd have a good view of my skull
and i happen to know you're carrying a chisel
 		--RH&E

All of the atheists I know are Catholic.
		---Mark W.

Or it may be, as some extreme saints have implied, that beneath the majesty of
he Infinite, believers and non-believers are exactly alike.
		---"Believers", Updike

From _The Brothers Karamazov_ (Part 1), Fyodor Dostoyevsky:

In the majority of instances human beings, even the evil-doers among them, are
far more naive and straightforward than we suppose.  And that includes
ourselves.

I've often wondered who would ever say a prayer for me.  Is there such a person
in the world? (Fyodor)

He understood all too well that for the humble soul of the common Russian
peasant, exhausted by toil and woe, and even more by perpetual injustice and
perpetual sin, both his own and that of the world, there was nomore powerful
need or consolation than to find a holy object or person and to fall down
before it and worship it. (Alyosha)

Once, many years ago now, I even said to a certain influential person: 'Your
wife is a very ticklish woman, sir' -- meaning ticklish in the sense of her
honour, of her moral qualities, as it were, yet he suddenly replied to me:
'Have you been tickling her?' (Fyodor)

After all, it is sometimes rather enjoyable to feel insulted, is it not? (The
Elder)

What do I care about your faith? (Miusov)

I've forgotten, forgotten everything and I don't want to remember; and anyway,
what would I do with him now?  I've finished with him, finished with everyone
[...] I don't want to see anything at all! (Nastasyushka)

But even so, happiness, happiness -- where is it?  Who is able to say to
himself that he is happy?  [...]  I suffer...from a lack of faith. [...]  Quite
simply, I am the kind of woman who works for a reward, and I want the reward at
once, in the form of praise for myself and reciprocated love.  I am incapable
of loving anyone on any other terms!  (Lise's mother)

Fear is only the consequence of any kind of lying. (The Elder)

Two years ago, when we said goodbye, he said he'd never forget, that we were
eternal friends, eternal eternal!  And now he's suddenly scared of me, does he
think I'm going to eat him or what?  Why won't he come near me, why won't he
talk to me? (Lise)

If one were to destroy mankind's faith in its own immortality, there would
instantly grow enfeebled within it not only2 love, but every vital force for
the continuation of universal life. (Ivan)

But to fall in love is not the same as to love.  One may fall in love and still
hate. (Mitya)

Why do you think?  Because you're the only person I can tell it all to, because
its necessary, because you're necessary, because tomorrow I'll come down to
earth with a bang, because tomorrow life will end and start again in earnest.
Have you ever dreamed you were falling from a high place into a pit?  Well,
that's the way I'm falling now, and its for real.  And I'm not afraid, so don;t
you be.  Well, I suppose I am really ... (Mitya)

Thats what I need -- for someone to forgive me. (Mitya)

...with the kind of hatred from which there's only a single hair's breadth of
distance to love, the most reckless love! (Mitya)

There would be no civilization at all if no one had invented God. (Ivan)

Now I have written you a love letter, O my God, what have I done? [Alyosha,]
please do not treat me with contempt, and if I have done something really
wicked and made you angry, then grant me pardon.  Now the secret of my perhaps
forever ruined reputation is in your hands.  (Lise)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Love is sentimental measles.
			---my fortune today 2.17.94  

In your deepest fantasy
After night has ended
The scent of mystery
The power of suggestion
Tangles up your soul
A neutral state between love and hate
Is bound to take its toll
Well I don't think you know
I don't think you know
I don't think you know about the screaming
You don't understand the meaning
		"If you can't love me then let me go"?, Melissa Etheridge

here i am alone again
alone again with you
i can see behind your eyes all the things that i don;t know
[...]
here i am in silence
with nothing left to say
you and i in silence
its a game i have to play
	- "What's on your mind", Information Society
	(Thanks to Simon S. for pointing out who did this song. 10/30/00)

i'm on a raining twilight coast
sending out postcards to the one i love
and the rain falls up from the ground
no one sees it, cos there's no one around
just one thing baby you forgot my heart
	---"raining twighlight coast", RH&E

rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling down
would you recognize me?
call my name, or walk on by?
[...]
i won't harm you or touch your defenses
vanity, insecurity
don't you forget about me
i'll be alone
dancing, you know it
		?

if you need a friend,
don;t turn to a stranger
you know in the end
i'll always be there
and when you're in doubt
and when you're in danger
take a look all around
and i'll be tehre
i'm sorry but i'm just thinkin 
of the right words to say
i know they don't sound the way
I planned them to be
but if you wait around a while ...
	- "The Promise", When in Rome
        (Thanks to Simon S. for pointing out who did this song. 10/30/00)

maybe i didn't treat you
quite as good as i should've
		--"you were always on my mind"

you're all the things i've got to remember
		?

The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least on of us is right.
		---fortune, 3/4/94

All the world is
All I am
The black of the blackest ocean
[...]
You don't know the power that you have
With that tear in your hand
[...]
Maybe I aint used to maybes smashing in a cold room
Cutting up my hands everytime I touch you
Maybe its time to wave goodbye now
[...]
Caught a ride with the moon
I know I know you well well better than I used to
Haze all clouded up my mind
In the daze of why it could've never been
[...]
I tell you there're pieces of me you've never seen
		---tear in your hand, tori amos

So listen, listen to me
You must believe me
I can feel you eyes go thru me
But I don't know why
		---In too deep, Genesis

I'm brave enough to be crazy
I'm strong enough to be weak
I see all these heroes with feet of clay
Whoes mighty ships have sprung a leak
And I want you to tell me darlin'
Just what do you believe in now?
		---I will not go quietly, Don Henley

Hey God, why are you doing this to me?
am i not living up to what i'm supposed to be?
why am i seething with this animosity?
hey God, i think you owe me a great big apology
		---"terrible lie", NIN

When we lift the covers from our feelings
We expose our insecure spots
Trust is just as rare as devotion--
Forgive us our cynical thoughts
If we need too much attention --
Not content with being cool
We must throw ourselves wide open
And start acting like a fool
If we need too much approval
Then the cuts can seem too cruel
		--"Emotion Detector", RUSH

Was it love, or was it the idea of being in love?
Or was it the hand of fate, that seemed to fit just like a glove?
The moment slipped by and soon the seeds were sown
The year grew late and neither one wanted to remain alone
		--One slip, Pink Floyd

Because it was her _duty_, she said.  Oh, I can't bear that horrid, ugly word!
[...]  Because it sounds so cold and sharp and stinging.  Duty -- duty -- duty.
Don't you feel that to?  That it sort of stings you?
		---_The Master Builder_, Henrik Ibsen (Hilde)

I am immortal.  I have inside me the blood of kings.
I have no rival.  No man can be my equal.
Take me to the future of your world.
		---"Princes of the Universe", Queen

You know, that whipped cream is gonna turn a lot of heads.
		---"until the end of the world"

There is nothing romantic about a definite proposal.  Why, one may be accepted.
One usually is, I believe.  Then the excitement is all over.  The very essence
of romance is uncertainity.  If I ever get married, I'll certainly try to
forget the fact.
		---"The importance of being earnest", oscar wilde

...girls never marry the men they flirt with.  Girls don;t think it right.
		---TIoBE, oscar wilde

i get on the bus
ride past our stop
and though i'm late
i can't get off
i just can't bear to tell you some lies
and narrow your eyes
narrow your eyes
we'll take back everything we said
split up all the things and move ahead
forgot how you said
to split your side off the bed
		---"narrow your eyes", TMBG

My dear fellow, the truth isn't quite the sort of thing one tells a nice,
sweet, refined girl.  What extraordinry ideas you have about the way to behave
to a woman!
		--TIoBE, oscar wilde

"Welcome back to reality!" (cath)
"Fuck." (deneb) (3/8)

"I wouldn't say, 'I did it in my head', because they'll ask you to staple your
head to the paper, and that would hurt." (Mr. Kawa, on taking the Chem AP)

when i leave i don't know what i'm hoping to find
and when i leave i don;t know what i'm leaving behind
		---RUSH

if you leave, don;t leave now
please don't take my heart away
promise me just one more night
then we'll go our seperate ways
		'if you leave', OMD	

"...you heard your parents fight and you thought, 'my God, how could anyone say
that to another person and then be fine an hour later?'.  The anwer of course
is the high cost of alimony."	(Mr. Casey, 3.10.94)

you'll have to learn to face yourself
you're just like everybody else
		-- "Pressure", Queen

Time stand still -- I'm not looking back
But I want to look around me now
See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away ...
I turn my face to the sun
Close my eyes.
Let my defenses down
	--Time Stand Still, RUSH

My wildest dreams
Murdered by reality
I gave all I could give you
But now I'm taking back what belongs to me
	--'nothin you can do about it', RUSH

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
	--'right here waiting', r. marx

Just when I believed I couldn't ever want for more
This ever changing world pushes me through another door
	--'hold on to the night', r. marx

"What's that precipitate?" (Eric J.)
"Its a goober ... well, thats not the scientific name" (Mr. Kawa) 3.11.94

"The problem is which catalyst to use ... thats more a question of art than
science ... as it happens, the one they told me to use is an attractive pink
color" (Mr. Kawa) 3.11.94

Now from the tunnel's stony womb
The carriage rides to meet the groom
And opens wide and welcome doors
But he hesitates, then withdraws
Deeper in the shadows
		-simon and garfunkel

i wanna say all those things
that would be better unsaid
		---'physical', NIN

From the moment of my birth
To the instant of my death
There are patterns I must follow
Just as I must breathe each breath
Like a rat in a maze
The path before me lies
And the pattern never alters
Until the rat dies.
	---'patterns', simon and garfunkel

"fuck a wine glass" (mia)
"if its your wine glass, i'm not worthy" (molly) 3/13/94
"fuck my wine glass" (mia)
"your wine glass isn;t good enough for me" (julia)  (a few hours later)

"why don't swimming suits have backs?" (mia)
"i was going to say, becasue they were designed by men, but then they wouldn't
have fronts." (molly)  
"why don't you just wear it backwards?" (brian) 3/13/94

Kiss me twice.  I'm schizophrenic.
			---fortune 3/13/94

From _The Brothers Karamazov_, Part2, Fyodor Dostoyevsky:

He spoke of many things, seemed anxious to say everything, to give utterance to
it all again before the moment of his death, and say all that which he had not
finished saying in the course of his life; and this not for the sake of
teaching only, but almost from a thirst to share his joy and his ecstasy with
all creatures and all things, once more in his life to pour out his heart...
		(describing the elder)

Now if Ivan were to love him, I'd be scared for my life.  But Ivan doesn't love
anyone.  Ivan is not Russian, men like Ivan are not Russians, they are stirred
up dust ... the wind will blow and the dust will pass ...
		(Fyodor)

And you'd hardly believe what's taking place between them just now -- its
dreadful.  I tell you it's a crack-up, a horrid fairy-tale one musn't believe,
not on any account:  they're both destroying each other for some unknown reason,the both know it and are taking pleasure in it. (Lise's mother, describing
Katerina and Ivan)

...it is an outrage, it is the most fantastic comedy: she is in love with your
brother Ivan Fyodorovich, yet she's trying to convince herself with all her
might that it's your brother Dmitry Fyodorovich she loves.
(Lise's mother, describing Katerina)

And there was yet another thought that flickered past -- suddenly and
uncontrollably: 'What if she doesn't love either of them?' (Alyosha of
Katerina)
 
In these matters what count most now are honour, duty, and something else of
which I am not sure, but it is something loftier, perhaps even loftier than
duty itself.  The heart within me tells of this overmastering emotion, and
overmasteringly draws me onward.  (katerina)

Then let him come to me, and he will encounter a friend, a sister .. Only a
sister, of course, and that forever so, but in the end he will come round to
the idea that I am truly his sister who loves him and has sacrificed her whole
life for him.  I shall attain a situation, I shall insist on it, where he will
recognize me and give up everything for me, without embarssment!  I shall be
his god, to whom he will say his prayers (Katerina, of Mitya)

My illumination was that it's possible that you have never loved brother Dmitry
at all ... from the very beginning ... And that brother Dmitry, too has never
loved you at all.  Not ever, right from the very beginning ... But has only
revered you.  I truly do not know how I can dare to bring myself to this, but I
must tell someone the truth, because no one wants to tell it ... you are
tormenting Ivan for the sole reason that you love him ... and are tormenting
him with the your love for Dmitry, which is a hysterical love ... a false love
... because you've convinced yourself it's real. (Alyosha of Katerina)

You are wrong, my kind Alyosha.  Never has Katerina Ivanovna loved me!  She has
known all along that I love her, even though I have never spoken a word to her
of my love -- has known it, but has not loved me.  Neither have I been, even
once, even for a single day, her friend; the proud woman did not require my
friendship.  She has maintained me in her presence for continuous revenge. 
[ ... ]    I am far too young and have loved you far too intensely.  I know tht
it would be better if I did not tell you that, that it would show more dignity
onmy part simply to leave your presence; that would be less insulting to you.
But after all I am going far away and shall never return. (Ivan)

Fifteen and eleven, there's a difference there that prevents brothers ever
being friends at those ages. (Ivan to Alyosha)

In my view, the best time to get to know someone is before a parting. (Ivan)

Brother Dmitry says of you: "Ivan is a tomb."  I say of you: "Ivan is an
enigma."  (Alyosha)

Then even if I had no faith in life, had lost my faith in the woman who was
dear to me, lost my faith in the order of things, even gained the conviction
that everything was, on the contrary, a disorderly, accursed and, possibly,
devilish chaos, even if I were overwhelmed by all the horrors of human
disenchantment -- I should still wnat to go on living and, having once put my
lips to that cup, would not turn away from it until I had drained it to the
end! [ ... ]  Life wants to be lived, and I want to live it, even though it
goes against logic. (Ivan)

And how could I have known I didn't love her at all?  Heh-heh!  And now it's
turned out -- I don't. [...]  Oh, she was sure hat I loved her!  It was me she
loved, not Dmitry. [...]  The only thing is that she may need some fifteen or
twenty years to come to the realization that she doesn't love Dmity at all, and
loves only me, whom she torments.  (Ivan of Katerina)

There was a certain old sinner [Voltaire] who lived in the eighteenth century
who pronounced that if there was no God it would be necessary to invent him.
[...] And indeed man has invented God.  And the strange thing, the wonderful
thing, is not the God really does exist, but that an idea like that -- the idea
of God's necessity -- could find its way into th head of a savage and vicious
animal such as man, so sacred it is, that idea, so touching, so exceedingly
wise and so greatly to his honour. (Ivan)

In my opinion the people it is impossible to love are precisely those near to
one, while one can really love only those who are far away. [...] In order to
love a person it is necessary for him to be concealed from view; the moment he
shows his face -- love disapears. (Ivan)
 
Another person would never be able to perceive the degree to which I suffer,
because he is another person, and not me, and on top of that it's seldom that a
person will agre to recognize another as a suffer. (Ivan)

Actually, people sometims talk about man's "beastial" cruelty, but that is
being terribly unjust and offensive to teh beasts: a beast can never be cruel
as a human being, so artistically, so picturesquely cruel.  The tiger simply
gnaws and tears and that is the only thing it knows.  It would never enter its
head to nail people to fences by their ears and leave them like that all night,
even if it were able to do such a thing. (Ivan)

I think that if the Devil doesn't exist and, consequently, man has created him,
he has created him in his own image and likeness. (Ivan)
 
It is the very unprotected aspect of these creatures taht tempts the torturers,
the angelic trustfulness of the child, which has nowhere to turn to go and no
one to turn to -- this is that excites the foul blood of the torturer.  In
every human being, of course, there lurks a beast, a beast of anger, a beast of
voluptous excitement derived from the cries of the tortured victim, a beast
uncontrollable, unleashed from the chain... (Ivan)

I decided long ago not to understand.  If I understand anything, I shall
instantly be untrue to the facts, and I have decided to remain with the facts.
(Ivan)

I want retribution, otherwise I shall destroy myself.  And retribution not at
some place and some time in infinity, but here upon earth, and in such a way
that I see it for myself.  (Ivan)

One can't live in a state of munity, but I want to live.  Tell me yourself
directly, I challenge you -- reply: imagine that you yourself are erecting the
edifice of human fortune with the goal of, at the finale, making people happy,
of at last giving them peace and quiet, but that in order to do it it would be
necessary and unavoidable to torture to death only one tiny creature, that same
little child that beat its breast with its little fist, and on its unavenged
tears to found an edifice, would you agree to be the architect on those
conditions? (Ivan)

For the secret of human existence does not consist in living, merely, but in
what one lives for.  Without a firm idea of what he is to live for, man will
not consent to live and will sooner destroy himself than remain on earth.
("The Grand Inquisitor": Ivan)

You did not come down from the Cross when they shouted at you, mocking and
teasing you [...] [because] You thirsted for a love that was free, not for the
servile ecstasies of the slave before the might that has inspired him with
dread once and for all.  But even here you had to high an opinion of human
beings, for of course, they are slaves, though they are created mutineers.
[...] Had you respected him less you would have demanded of him less, and that
would have been closer to love, for his burden would have been lighter.  He is
weak and dishonorable. ("TGI": Ivan)

Away with all that went before, I'm finished with my old world forever, and I
don't want to hear so much as a peep out of it ever again; I am going to a new
world and new places, and I shall not look back! (Ivan)

'What is hell?' I argue thus: 'The suffering of no longer being able to love.'
(The elder)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Step by step I dream the plan
From my chair to walking man
This constant dream is on my mind
	--Best I Can, Queensryche

God is real, unless declared integer.
	--Fortune, 3.16.94

"Don't just guess!  We are supposed to be a scientific community; so we gather
data, look at the data, and _then_ B.S.!" (Mr. Vavernik, 3.18.94)

Maybe you're just too upset inside to give it to me straight
Maybe you've become too angry and too close to crying
To say anything I can understand
Or maybe you're just coming in over my head
Maybe you're just too upset inside
You're too upset inside
How can it hurt if I don't understand?
		"how can it hurt", Marillion
		
Memories will have to do
They will take the place of you
Can't you tell me what is true when
Words are lies the day they're spoken
Love's a lifetime's only token
Words are lies the day they're spoken
Promises are made to be broken
		"made to be broken", information society

We stay together now
When all the signals say we
Should move on from here
But I don't think it's coincidence
And I don't believe in accidents
It's time to ask ourselves
Why are we still here
		"still here", information society

Staring at an empty screen
I can sometimes
Feel like dying
Doing what I have to do I can almost
Hear you crying
[..]
So this is how it feels		
To be free
		"be free", information society

Tell me what is it I;m going to do about you.
		--Melissa Etheridge

Strange how the mind changes time and time again
Things once important now pale in comparison
		--'hand on heart', queensryche

You and I long to live like wind upon the water
If we close our eyes we'll maybe realize
There's more to life than what we have known
And I can't believe I've spent so long
Living lies I knew were wrong inside
I've just begun to see the light  
Long ago there was a dream, had to make a choice or two
Leaving all I loved behind for what nobody knew
		--'anybody listening?', queensryche

Wake my fear of divine intervention
Crawl away and bleed forever, if you dare
		--'the thin line', queensryche

But if I close my eyes and throw back my head
I can see his face and I hear the words he said
And my memories ache and my sense burn
Did he dream too late will we ever learn
[..]
And my soul is screaming why
The thoughts won't let me sleep
[...]
Rip through the wire that screens in my window
Throw open the shade that covers my mind
		---"testify', melissa etheridge

"I'd rather shine shoes [than be an RC]" (Mr. Casey, 3/21/94)

if only i had known you better
if only you weren't afraid to try
you and me, we'd make a bad, bad team
but we'll never understand the reasons why
		---'if only', information society

How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.  What have you found? The same old fears.
		---'wish you were here', pink floyd

Breathe, breathe in the air
Don;t be afraid to care
Leave but don't leave me
Look around and choose your own ground
For long you live and high you fly
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be
		---'breathe', pink floyd

Hoping for the best
But expecting the worst
[...]
Let us die young or let us live forever
		---'forever young', 

sweetheart are you fast asleep? good,
'cos thats the only time that i can really talk to you
		--'the hero's return', P.F.

and if i show you my dark side
will you still hold me tonight
and if i open my heart to you
and show you my weak side
what would you do?
		--'the final cut', PF

do you remember me? how we used to be?
do you think we should be closer?
		---"your possible pasts", PF

Past the point of no return--
no backward glances;
the games we played till now are at an end...
Past all thought of "if" or "when"--
No use resisting;
Abandon thought,
And let the dream descend
		---'point of no return', phantom of the opera

Sometimes I feel like the innnocent one
To deserve this fate what have I done
I know I made all rules
But time can even change the hopeless ways of fools
I love you tonight
Like I did yesterday
I won't think of tomorrow or the price I pay
		---'the angels', melissa etheridge

I know you will die.  I am sharing food with you.  It is all I can do, and it
is everything.
	--_scrambled eggs_

What is about to end will never be again.  There are people you are with now,
you will never be with again.  There are people you see now, you will never see
again .... recognizing the passing of the moment ... attempting to for a moment
recognize, what you are and will never be again.
	--mr.casey, 3/25/94

-------
"I love extendeds" Quotes:

"There is no 'j' sound in russian" (molly)
"WHAT!? How do they say 'jello'?" (margie)

"Has anyone seen a notebook?"
"Yeah, its over there. Hey, is that your diary or journal?"
"Sorta"
"My brother was reading it"
"Was not! .... I couldn't read your handwriting"

"I wonder what it would be like o be really intelligent..."
		(a dental assistant who extpected me to eb able to answer)

"So why didn't you apply to CMU?"
		(half the fucking world)

------------

"Perfect little dream
The kind that hurts the most"
		-?

How did we get this far
Before you showed me what you really are?
		--Chess

...moving ahead so life won't pass me by
		--J. Croce

and you really don;t remember -- 
was it something that he said?
or the voices in your head?
		-"gloria"

woke up to reality
to find the future not so bright
i'd dreamt the impossible
...
now you're giving me
nothing but shattered dreams
i feel like i should run away
		-?

there's no comfort in the truth
		-?

voices, i hear voices
...
the voices said,
don;t look back
yesterdays gone
		-?
		--- "Voices", Russ Ballard
		--- Thanks to Scott Weitzel, Thu, 28 Oct 1999

and i'll cling to this island
and i'll be free
and alone
		--'this was nearly mine', south pacific

-------------
_The Brothers Karamazov_, F. Dostoyevsky  Part 3

For reason will have its day in a man who is not stupid, and if at such an
exceptional moment no love appears in the heart of a youth, then when will it 
ever arrive? (narrator)

So you've gone and got angry at your God now, have you, you've gone and mutnied
against him (rakitin)
...
I'm not mutinying against my God.  I simply 'do not accept his world' (alyosha)

Much knowledge soon makes one old. (grushenka)

'That is one thing, but this is another' (grushenka)
'A woman's reasoning, and no mistake!' (rakitin)
'That is one thing, but this is another.  I love Alyosha differently'
(grushenka)

Fools exist for the profit of the clever man. (rakitin)

If you like someone you do so for something they've done, but what have you two
ever done for me? (rakitin)

And when I would suddenly remember that there was nothing I could do to him,
nothing at all, and that he must be laughing at me now, and might very easily
have forgotten me altogether and dismissed me from his thoughts, I would throw
myself from my bed to the floor, burst into impotent tears and lie there,
shaking and shaking, until dawn. (grushenka of the capt who dumped her to marry
someone else)

Now I have told you the whole truth!  I was playing with Mitya so that I
wouldn't go running after that other [the capt]   (grushenka)

Before you arrived I was lying here in the darkness, asking that question of my
heart over and over again:  Do I love that man or do I not?  You decide for me,
Alyosha, the time has come, and whatever you decide, so shall it be.  Shall I
forgive him or not?  (grushenka)

Alyoshechka, bow to your brother Mitenka for me, and tell him to think kindly
of me, his wicked girl.  And also repeat to him these words of mine to him:
"Grushenka has gone to the scoundrel, and not to you, who are a noble man!"
And tell him, too, that Grushenka loved him for one small hour of time, only
one small hour did she love him -- and that he must remember that small hour
all the rest of his life (grushenka)

She cuts your brother Mitenka's throat, and then orders him to remember it all
the rest of his life.  Such carnivorousness! (rakitin)

The foul cesspool in which he himself had become enmired by his own will had
grown all too noisome to him, and he, like very many others in such instances,
put faith more than anything else in a change of place:  if only it were not
for these people, if only it were not for this situation, if only he could fly
away out of this cursed place and then -- all would be regenerated, would take
a new turn!  (of Mitya)

What terrible tragedies realism arranges with human beings! (mitya)

Well, if you had just decided to plant this bullet in your brain, then, as you
loaded the pistol, wouldn't you look at it?  (Mitya)

Yes, just now I am Yorick, and shall be the skull later. (mitya)

-----------

The wheels spin slowly backwards
Strobing in the amber light
And the rain comes down and washes my brain
But it don;t get clean
		---"this town", marillion

In all the time I've known you
There has been soemthing beween us
I don;t think its my immagination
I felt like I couldn't touch you
But I had the feeling you'd love to
Tell me the truth if you could
I made excuses and ran
		---"dry land", marillion

From emptiness and dryness
The famine of our days
Watch the heavens open
Wash it all away
You came and brought the rain here
Something waiting to happen
Something learning to fly
On the edge of exploding 
Something wild and alive
Something waiting to happen
Anytime that you like
		---"waiting to happen", marillion

Can't you see what you are doing to me?
Can't you see what you ahve done?
As I try to pass another sleepless night
A hundred crazy voices call my name
	--"domino"

I dreamed of standing on my own two feet
My fists held high and I clenched my teeth
But I'd wake up to the same old me
		---"over the edge"

Flames and heat cause fire and burns.
		---my chem lab sheet

You of course took the poem [ about a guy convincing his mistress to have sex
with him since they were going to die someday ] to heart and have tried it four
or five times since then.  But I won't ask whether it worked or not.
		---mr.casey, 4/6/94

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock", T. S. Eliot

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question . . .
Oh, do not ask, "What is it?"
Let us go and make our visit 

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes,
Licked its tounge into the corners of the evening,  
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,

Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimenys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time for a hundred indecisions,
And a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"
Time to turn back and the descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair--
(They will say: "How is hair is growing thin!")
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin--
(They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!")
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all--
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
  So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes, known them all--
The eyes tht fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To split out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
  And how should I presume?

And I have known the arms already, known them all--
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
(But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!)
Is it perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
  And should I then presume?
  And how should I begin?
	
	. . . . .

Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows? . . . 

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

	. . . . . 

And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep . . . tired . . . or it malingers,
Streched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet--and here's no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it towards an overwhelming question,
To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all"--
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
  Should say: "That is not what I meant at all.
  That is not it at all."

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets amd the dooryards amd the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the
	floor-
And this, and so much more?--
It is impossible to say just what I mean! 
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
  "That is not it all,
  That is not what I meant, at all."

	. . . . . 

No!  I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous--
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old . . . I grow old . . . 
I shall wear the bottom of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind?  Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trouserse, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreatherd with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------


There's no need to cry, Mia.  --aaron

There are lots of reasons to cry.  If you can't think of any, I'll give you a
few. --dave

I didn;t say there weren't any _reasons_ to cry!  I just said it wans't
necessary!  there is a difference between havinga a reason and having a
necessity! --aaron

The way you are using the word "need" its completely menaingless! And if
everything is menaingless, there's no "need" to live! --dave

I'd never met a guy who whined ... not even when I wanted them to!  But this
guy whines for no reason.  --dawn, about aaron

Tiktak, fuck Mia.
		---Julia 

I'd be much better with a guy who treated me like shit.
		---Julia

I'll go beat her up -- thaet';ll amke her feel better.
		---zach

Here... this is how you do it ....
			---brian demonstrating on me

I love it Mia... "I can hear Tony looking at you"... you know you're good when
you;'ve gotten to tht point.
			---tony (disanto)

You can hear photons bouncing off of people!?
			--brian

So you're ticklish, eh?  Heh.  Don;t worrrry, I won't let your secret out.
			--tony d.

If you don't want my love
Night will fall and the sun will rise
If you don't want my love
I'm sure somebody does tonight
		---r. marx

So, where do you buy tampons?
		---some lady asked me this at a conference today

So if you ask me how do I feel inside I could honestly
tell you we've been taken on a very long ride
And if my owners let me have some free time some day
With all my good intentions I would probably run away 
		---"that time of the night", marillion

Nothing can stop me now
Cause I don;t care anymore
		---piggy, NIN

your god is dead
and no one cares
if there is a hell,
then i'll see you there
		--heresy, NIN

help me 
i broke apart my insides
help me
i got no soul to sell
help me
the only thing that works for me
help me get away from myself
		--closer, NIN

i am stuck in this dream
it is changing me
i am becoming 
the me that you know
he had some second thoughts
he is covered with scabs
he is broken and sore
the me that you know
he doesn't come around much
that part of me
isn't here anymore
[...]
no escape from this
my new consciousness
[...]
and even when i'm right with you
i'm so far away
i can try to get away
but i strap myself in
			---"the becoming", NIN

Trade in God for Eric Stuckey ....
			---Brian, 4/17/94

You love him so much you fight with him every other time you talk to him, huh?
Some love.
			---brian

Chocolate syrup is fun stuff.
			--molly

.... and as for the pornography, I can look at myself in the shower!
			---julia

I'm republican... things like that scare me very easily.
			---dottie, after I blew in her ear
	
I feel sorry for your husband -- he's gonna wake up with a knife through his
chest or AIDS.  No, I change that -- he'll wake up with AIDS and leprosy,
that's like you.
			--brian

This seems to be pretty universal, no matter who is wearing the nightie...
			--mr.casey (4/20/94)

Most people are ashamed of their bodies -- and with good reason.
			--mr.casey (4/20/94)

Love is what happens when your physical need becomes so great that it overcomes
your natural repugnance for another person.
			--mr.casey quoting soemone or other

I know you're out there somewhere
I can almost hear it raining
			--"the president", r.h.

But I am wiser now, and nobody is ever the worse for being wiser.  Do not think
that you can frighten me by telling me that I am alone.
			--"st joan", shaw

Are you asking how to motivate people to clean up after themselves in the
cafeteria? (me)
Not people -- our students. (dr. marshal)
Most of our students are people. (me)

Aw, that's a physicists answer -- everything is electrostatic forces. (mr.kawa)
What's wrong with physicists? (EJ)
There's nothing wrong with physcists, but well, they're right... (mr kawa)

Well, you might just say that nitrogen is a bugaboo, but other gases have worse
behavior.	(mr kawa)

Its hard to imagine a better gyroscope than the earth and harder still to
imagine riding it home for lunch.
		--mechanical universe

I think i'm allergic to taht stuff! yuck!
		--margie, gagging and wrigging like she was possesed
			by a demon after taking communion, (she does
			this everytime)

my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
			---"closer", NIN 

i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
i wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
i am still right here
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way
			--"hurt", NIN

I don't want to hurt you
But I will
		--'winchester', r&h

If you were a ghost
I would treasure most
Time I never spent with you
And wander through your head
The words I never said
Till I knew what I meant to you
I've spent a lot of time on this
To be with you
So please don't lock away your eyes
		--"if you were a priest", r&h

and i thought, oh my god, i'be become a republican...
		---guest speaker this evening

this is the first day of my last days
i built it up now i take it apart climbed up real high now fall down real far
no need for me to stay the last thing left i just threw it away
i put my faith in god and my trust in you
now there's nothing more fucked up i could do
wish there was something real wish there was something true 
		---"wish", NIN

God help us if any of you ever become physicians.
		---dr.g to my patho class, on several occasions

everyday i hope and pray this will end
but when i can i do it all again
		--"sanctified", NIN

maybe i'm all messed up in you
maybe i'm all messed up
this is the only time i really feel alive
		--"the only time", NIN

"what if a big sea monster came out of the pond, dragged us in, and killed us?"
(mia)
"then we'd be dead."
(julia)
// just then, a sea(pond?) otter surfaced...
		--deep thoughts in that final stretch of senior year...

i dunno.. sometimes i just get this urge to listen to heavy metal..
		--monica

you bad bad bad boy!
		-- gina to eric mclaren 

is it possible for a caterpillar to crawl into an orange, change into a
butterfly, and die? (molly)

umm, i don;t think so.   *pause*  why do you ask? (mia)

well, i found something strange in my arbor orange today.... (molly)

whenever he's [mike] around her [tami] he... he's not himslef.  he's
comprssed... he's... mike in a can!
			---molly

...95% of the people you meet won't know what an "IMSA" is.  They'll think it's
some new casserole.
			--mr.casey 5/6/94

"Did they have bowling balls in Galileo's time?" (mr.sloan)
"Yes, only they didn't call them that..." (dr.workman)
"What were they called?" (mr.sloan)
"Noggin-knockers" (dr.workman)
			---I _swear_ I heard this this morning when I was half
		       	   asleep

"Does the word "schizophrenic" mean anything to you?" (greg)
"It means different things to me on different days." (dr.workman)
			--in calc-based phys the other day

"This problem is too hard..." (someone)
"What the hell, you're gifted, right?" (dr.workman)
			-calc-based again

math is hard!
			---cookie

Do you think I know something you don't know
  What do you want from me?
If I don't promise you the answers would you go
  What do you want from me?
			--"what do you want from me?", pink floyd

Why won't you talk to me
You never talk to me
What are you thinking
What are you feeling
Why won't you talk to me
You never talk to me
What are you thinking
Where do we go from here
			--"keep talking", pink floyd

Hi, I'm Jesus.  I live in the crisper.
			--second city

"Let's eat out," she says.  "Spaghetti.  It's cheap."  She kisses him gently on
his left eyelid, on his right.  She gazes into his eyes and smiles, so that he
will not guess she is thinking: Who is this man?  Who am I?
			--"The Comedian", John L'Heureux

When there is no way to go ahead
Without leaving something else behind
...
And I don't know what I'm fighting for
There is some change inside of me and
I know I can't stay here anymore
			--"where the i divides", infosoc

Don't think!  It gets you into trouble!
			--mr.kawa

I have about as much of a chance of making it as a physcist as I do as a rock
star.
			--ryan *gasp* pierce

Until recently, infections above the waist were type 1 (herpes), below the
waist was type 2 ... (dr.g)
No, you mean they were _assumed_ to be... I doubt oral sex was invented in the
last thirty years.  Heh... "Hey!  I've got an idea...."  (joe)
			--adventures in pathogenic

...she left me for a young theologian.  I don't believe in God much anymore.
			---"truly, madly, deeply"

*weird look*
I was just wondering what was going on in your head that lead you to go from
listening to "The Wall" to listening to Madonna.
			--molly

-------
Kinky extended weekend quotes:

"Hey!  That little guy [nintendo guy] can't eat that!  Its as big as he is!" 
(mia)
"Sure he can -- he's a Stuckey!" (mike)
"How's that?"
"They have similar characteristics..."
"Its green, with a round head, and a really long tongue -- what are you trying
to say?"

"Eric should move to France" (mrs.k)
"Eric is really a Russian" (mrs.k)

"I can see Eric being a rich bastard at 30... with females falling all over
him" (mike)

"How tall are you?" (mrs.k)
"5'1"" (me)
"Ah, thats over 5 foot -- that's socially acxceptable"
"But I like guys over 6 feet tall..."
"I bet that makes sex really interesting..."
----------

Oh Look!  I've got a green bra tied around my ankle!  Can I tie it around your
neck?  Oh shit!  That's going into your quotesfile!
			---molly

Why couldn't I catch the damn keys!???!!
			--josh

I don't care what they think
You're all I believe in
			--"no one can" marillion

Its better than a laptop, its a lapfull ... of junk.
			--mr.kawa on the apple IIgs

To martyr yourself to caution
is not going to help at all
because there'll be no safety in numbers
when the Right One walks out of the door
			---"lost for words", pink floyd

encumbered forever by desire and ambition
there's a hunger still unsatisfied
though down this road we've been so many times
			---"high hopes", pink floyd

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this iressitible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moments had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun 
And headed straight...into the shining sun
			---"coming back to life", pink floyd 

-------------------------------------------------
From _The_Brothers_Karamazov_, Fyodor D., Part 4:

I am aware that you are a mystic, but...that did not stop me.  Contact with
reality will cure you...With natures such as yours it can not be otherwise.
(Kolya)
What do you mean, "mystic"?  Cure me of what? (Alyosha)
Oh, God and all that sort of thing. (Kolya)
Surely you do not mean to tell me that you do not believe in God? (Alyosha)
On the contrary, I have nothing against God.  Of course, God is merely a
hypothesis..but...I recognize his necessity, for the sake of order...for the
sake of universal order and so on...and if he did not exist, it would be
necessary to invent him. (Kolya)

You are not worthy to be a husband:  if I married you, and suddenly gave you a
letter to take to the one whom I loved after you, you would take it and
unfailingly deliver it, and bring the reply back, too. (liza to alyosha)

I shall always love you dreadfully for having so quickly allowed me not to love
you.  (liza to alyosha)

I wish that some man would torment me, marry me, and then torment me, deceive
me and leave me.  I do not want to be happy! (liza)
You have fallen in love with disorder? (alyosha)
Oh, disorder is what I want.  I keep wanting to set the house on fire.  I see
myself going up to it and setting light to it on the sly, it must absolutely
must be on the sly.  They try to put out the flames, but it keeps burning.
(liza)

You are dreadfully angry because I am not talking about religious things.  I do
not wnat to be religious.  What will be the punishment in the other world for
the very greatest sin?  You ought to know the exact details of that. (liza)
You will earn the condemnation of God. (alyosha)
Well, that is what I want.  I shall arrive and be condemned, and then I shall
suddenly laugh in their faces.  I do dreadfully want to burn the house down,
Alyosha, our house, do you still not believe me? (liza)

Everyone says they hate immorality, but secretly they all like it. (liza)

He despises no one, it is simply that he trusts no one.  And if he has no
trust, then naturally there is contempt there, too.  (alyosha of ivan)

Do you think I would have ever told anyone else in the whole world what I have
told you?  But you see, it is the truth, the truth!  I am going to kill myself,
for everything is so loathsome to me!  I do not want to live, for everything is
loathsome to me! (liza to alyosha)

Brother Ivan is a sphinix, and he says nothing, forever says nothing.  ... Ivan
does not have a God.  He has an idea.  (mitya)

Many people are honest thanks that they are fools. (mitya)

...he suddenly put his blue-checked cotton handkerchief, which was completely
covered in snot, to his eyes and embarked on a quiet and tearful sobbing. (of
smerdyakov) 

---------


I hate cookie!  She's so pure!  I feel so...sullen next to her.  Wait a
minute, that's not the right word....
				---dottie

...then I'll say fuck mr.casey and he'll fail me! (me)
He'll fail you because you fucked him? (molly)

Computers are not intelligent.  They only think that they are.
			--fortune 5/28/94

Do you really need to say, Dear Jesus, please don't let the rice get sticky?  I
mean, do you really need my help with things like that?
			---jesus, SNL

what's wrong with your foot? (me)
oh, nothing (julia)
there is now (me)
oh staunch it with my bra, la la la (julia)
		5/28/94

air is water with holes in it.
		--fortune

there is no god up in the sky tonight
no sign of heaven anywhere in sight
all that was true is left behind
once i could see now i am blind
		---"suck", NIN

oh, you're male aren't you?
i hadn;t noticed
the long hair fooled me
		---rachel of chris 5/29/94

the problem with being asleep is its almost the same as being awake.
		--mike lee

king of the juice?  what kind? orange?
		--mike lee

test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
		---fortune

__________________________________________________________________________
More from _The_Brothers_Karamazov_, Fyodor Dostoyevsky  Part 4:

With human beings habit is all, in everything, even in matters of nationhood
and politics. (Kolya 605)

I'm not good-looking, I know my face is rotten to look at, but it's an
intelligent one.  [...]  Thus did Kolya agonize, as with all the forces at his
command he tried to assume and independant air.  Above all he was tormented by
his inferior height, less by his 'rotten' face than by his height.  [...]  And
it's not even really an intelligent face, either, is it?  he would sometimes
think, having doubts even about that.  Though as a matter of fact, it should
not be supposed that worry about his face and height swallowed his soul
entirely.  On the contrary, no matter how painful were his moments before the
mirror, he quickly forgot them, and even for a long time, 'in complete devotion
to ideas and real life', as he himself defined his activity.  (611-2) 

A socialist?  And where did you find the time for that?  After all, you are
only thirteen, are you not?  (Alyosha of Koyla 637)

Voltaire did believe in God, but I doubt if it was very much, and I doubt if he
loved mankind very much either.  (Alyosha 636)

He goes everywhere in a dream.  He says: "Why live in reality?  It's better to
dream".  (Grushenka of Kalganov 669) 

What are you talking about, Mitya? (Alyosha)
Ideas, ideas, that's what!  Ethics.  What is ethics?  (Mitya)
Ethics?  (Alyosha)
Yes, is it some kind of science?  (Mitya)  
Yes, it is...only...I confess that I am unable to tell you precisely what kind
of science it is.  (Alyosha) (677)

What do you mean you're sorry for God?  (Alyosha)
[...]
It's chemistry, brother, chemistry.  There is nothing for it, Your Reverence,
you must move over a little, chemistry is coming!  [...]  Only how is man to
fare after that?  Without God and without a life to come?  After all, that
would mean that now all things are lawful, and that one may do anything one
likes [...]  Only how will he be virtuous without God? That is the question.  
I think about it all the time.  For whom will he love then, whom will man
love?  (Mitya)  (679, 683)

And can one observe in oneself that one is going mad? (Ivan)
In my opinion it is impossible to do such a thing with any clarity. (Alyosha
691)

What kind of belief is it that is forced upon a man?  What is more, in the
matter of belief no proof is of any avail, especially the material sort.
Thomas believed not because he saw the risen Christ, but because he already
desired to believe.  ("devil" 734)

I am poor, but... I will not say that I am particularly honest, but... usually
in society it is accepted as an axiom that I'm a fallen angel.  Though I swear
to God, it beats me how I could ever have been an angel.  If I ever was one, it
must have been so long ago that to have forgotten it is no sin.  ("the devil"
736)

The devil has rheumatism?  (Ivan)
Why not?  ("the devil" 737)

I know it's reactionary to believe in God in our day, but after all, I'm the
devil it's all right to believe in me.  ("the devil" 740)

My best emotions, such as gratitude, for example, are formally forbidden me
solely on account of my social position. ("the devil" 740)

Without suffering what pleasure would there be in it?  Everything would turn
into one single, endless church service:  much holy soaring, but rather boring.
("the devil" 741)

So you don't believe in God either? (Ivan)
I swear to God, I do not know.  ("the devil" 741)

He died, thinking that he would go straight into darkness and death, yet there
before him was the life to come.  He was amazed and indignant: "This runs
counter to my convictions," he said.  Well, for that he received a
sentence...though, of course, you must forgive me, you see I am only telling
you what I have heard, it is only a legend...He was sentenced, you see, to walk
a quadrillion kilometres (we have gone over to kilometres now, you know) in
darkness...  ("the devil"  742)

What torments do we have?  Ah, do not even inquire:  before we had all sorts of
things, but nowadays they are all mostly of the moral sort, "pangs of
consciousness" and all that rubbish. ("the devil"  743)

The struggle between belief and disbelief -- after all, those are sometimes
such a torment to a man of conscience like yourself, that he would rather hang
himself.  ("the devil"  745)

I may be the only person in all nature who loves truth and sincerely desires
good.  ("the devil"  747)

In my view it is not necessary to destroy anything, all that need be destroyed
in mankind is the idea of God, that is what one must proceed from! [...]  Man
will exalt himself with a spirit of divine, titanic pride, and the man-god will
appear. [...]  Every man will discover that he is wholly mortal, without the
possibility of resurrection, and will accept death proudly and calmly, like a
god.  ("the devil"  749)

The Devil!  He has gotten into the habit of paying me visits.  Twice he has
been here now, even three times, I think. [...] But he is not Satan, that is
just a lie of his.  He is a false pretender.  He is just a devil, a rubbishy,
petty devil.  He goes to the Russian baths.  (Ivan 753)

Either he will rise up in the light of truth, or... perish
in hatred, taking vengeance on himself and on everyone else for his having
served that in which he does not believe. (Alyosha 756)

Such is my character -- a dreadful, unhappy character!  Oh, but you will see:
I will do it, I will drive him to the point where he gives me up for another.
(Katya of Ivan 873)

___________________________________________________________________________

I'm glad someone will be crying when I leave -- because lots of people were
crying when I came!
		--Anita

Thats the kind of stuff he gives us to read!  Casey's a dirty old man!
		--Eva B.

I know I'm never going to see these people again! (eva b.)
No, no, no.. they're going to college, not dying!  (karen)

I really hate girls shorts... they feel really funny in the crotch or
something.. I'm not crazy!  I just prefer guys clothes!  Does anyone here know
what I mean?... I like big in the waist, big in the crotch...
				--jen m.

I can resist anything but temptation.
			--fortune

Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
			---Mike Adams

Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
			--fortune

*groan*
	--me after reading that last fortune
	  (if you don;t get it, please don;t tell me)

Go 'way!  You're bothering me!
		--fortune

Here is a knife, here is a pointy daggery knife
Here is a knife, and it's pointing to you
Here is a life, here is a tender trembling life
Here is a life, and it's quivering under you
Here is a dream, a sweat and terrible dream
Here is a dream, and we're in the middle of it
Oh come off it -- not again -- do we have to go
Through all of this again? all of this again?
Here is a knife, here is a pointy daggery knife
Here is a knife, and it's pointing to you
		--"here is a knife", RH&E

Science is like being God, only I have time and budget constraints.
			---seen in someone;s sig

All you need is love, but all you get is afraid.
			--"aquarium", RH&E

  and if i show you my dark side
  will you still hold me tonight
  and if i open my heart to you
  and show you my weak side
  what would you do
  would you sell your story to rolling stone
  would you take the children away
  and leave me alone
  and smile in reassurance
  as you whisper down the phone
  would you send me packing
  or would you take me home
  thought i oughta bare my naked feelings
  thought i oughta tear the curtain down
  i held the blade in trembling hands
  prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
  i never had the nerve to make the final cut
			---"the final cut", PF

  and as the windshield melts
  my tears evaporate
  leaving only charcoal to defend
  finally i understand
  the feelings of the few
  ashes and diamonds
  foe and friend
  we were all equal in the end
			---"two suns in the sunset", PF

______________________________________

A Blind Date with J. Alfred Prufrock
		---Michelle M. Butler

	"This hour I tell things in confidence.
	I may not tell everyone, but I will tell you."


Make some cocoa for us, Sharon,
while I hang up my coat, and
I'll tell you about my evening.  

He said, "Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky..."
Ha!  I knew, Sharon, what that talk was leading to,
who was actually going to be laid out.
He may think he fooled me,
with all that metaphorical talk,
but I knew.

He wanted to walk with me,
Talked of low-down restaurants and cheap hotels.
Well, I can tell you, I would never go 
to those parts of town, at that time of night.
He wouldn't tell me where he meant to take me--
that proved his intentions were vulgar.

He tried to woo cleverly again,
Spoke symbolically about cat-like fog--
it did settle gracefully, I warrant--but still,
smog and night air are to be avoided.
Listen how I coug