A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
-- Anonymous

Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!
-- Marvin the Martian

It has been recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
-- Anonymous

When I'm good, I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better.
-- Mae West

After all, Michelangelo was wise enough not to ask the Pope exactly how he came by every penny needed for the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
-- John Mortimer, Summer's Lease

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
-- Anonymous

Cynicism is the only form in which base souls approach honesty.
-- Nietzche, Beyond Good and Evil

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
-- Voltaire

We do not tolerate failure, Number 3.
-- Ernst Blofeld

DRUNKENNESS, noun: A temporary but popular cure for Catholicism.
-- Charles T Sprading

Choose your next witticism carefully, Mr. Bond. It may be your last.
-- Auric Goldfinger

I play the stock market of the spirit - and I sell short.
-- Ellsworth Toohey, The Fountainhead

The mind of the bigot is like the pupil of the eye; the more light you pour upon it, the more it will contract.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No - revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until...Oh, what the hell, I'll just crush him like an ant.
-- Mr. Burns, The Simpsons

A society gets all the criminals it deserves.
-- Emma Goldman

Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
-- Anonymous

It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.
-- Anonymous

Looking for something funny?

Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents too.
-- The Wicked Witch of the West.

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
-- old saying

The meaning of life is Forty-Two. It's the question we're a little unsure of.
-- The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

When life kicks you in the teeth, don't smile and give it more targets.
-- L. B.

Incoming from the big giant head.

Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous combination.
--Simpsons

Save a plant, eat a cow.
-- S. S.

The distinctions separating the social classes are false; in the last analysis they rest on force.
-- Albert Einstein

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're normal, you're it.
-- Anonymous

Click here to continue.