the moment
The toolbar at the bottom of my laptop’s
screen says it is 01:48AM- a time in which the pensive silence reaches its apex
in Duke University’s Lilly Library basement. Tired of typing the same
hackneyed sentences over and over for my german paper, I avert my eyes from
my computer and gaze at this small section of the world like an insidious cat
trying to escape from her clichéd identity. But how can I extract myself
from myself if the world I live in is itself a platitude as it lets the same
old wheel turn for everyone since “you have to work hard if you want to
be successful”.
Telling me to leave soon, the lamp
of the desk I am sitting at starts shimmering madly reminding me of my elementary
school teacher’s waging index finger hinting her displeasure with eight-year-old
troubled me. “Secil is a very smart girl, Ms. Topak, and I’m sure
she is working hard too. I only want her to talk more in class because I know
she always has interesting ideas that can contribute to her classmates. Considering
the papers she has written for my class, I can tell that she is a keen observer
and able to express herself in a unique manner. I, moreover, think that she
should make use of these features later. Actually, why don't you encourage her
to study journalism?” I hear my mom reporting what my high school teachers
had said on every parents' day. I have never understood their desire to shape
my life for me as if it was a piece of play dough for adults. I don’t
know if choosing the path of an engineering curriculum makes me a rebel. Yet,
here I am- miles away from home facing a completely foreign world that gives
the opportunity to dare to become the person I want to be.
The air in the room seems relieved
that “they” pack their belongings with the haste of racers fighting
for the gold medal. I hear them thinking about their plans for the next day-
no, the circular movement of the earth around itself does not shape days here
since they are determined by the ever-renewing work-laden burden you must carry.
Stabilizing my look at infinity through the over-aged tables, I shut down my
senses and object being a part of this manipulated reality. I own the moment,
I am everything about “right now”, I am its ethos with all my perplexing
individuality.
The toolbar at the bottom of my laptop’s screen says it is still 01:48AM.
I can go home now. It is time to “seize the day” back.
an authobiographical work-"the moment"
the interesting and the beautiful