trapped in the cocoon stage

It's been 132 days since it happened. During those 132 days, I spent 57 days working as an intern (and I excelled), 19 days traveling (and I had fun), 8 days backpacking (and I made good friends), and for the rest of the days, I have been living in a "pseudo" vegetative state (and I failed to do anything about it).

I am amazed (and scared) how some part of me can completely shut down and fool the other half of myself. The bad part, the part that shut down, simply refuses to receive and react to happenings from outside or thinking from within - as if, it's dead. I figured something is wrong with me and I need a change. But the bad part simply won't listen. It is not even conscious any more. It locked itself up in a cocoon, a cocoon that prefers to escape from the world and would never emerge. I needed great courage to step out of my comfort zone and write in this blog, publicly. I feel ashamed because I would never scream help and there is no one who can help me, no one but myself. I know too much and I'm too arrogant to handle failures. How ironic... When time passes by and I get older day by day, I simply feel, my life is wasted, and I'm watching it happen!

When can I wake up?